Total Drama: Pacific Island
by TDIwriter
Summary: A Total Drama fanfiction that uses 23 characters of my own creation-22 new contestants and a brand new host.
1. Chapter 1

A husky, beared man stands on a sandy beach. Behind him, palm trees sway slowly in the breeze and a vast jungle stretches towards the center of the island.

"Welcome to Paradise Isle," the husky man states, "I'm your host, Dirk McGrath. Some of you are probably wondering where Chris McLean is. Chris is no longer a part of the Total Drama team, making good on his promise to retire from hosting once he found his first gray hair."

A wave washes over Dirk's feet as he continues, "Total Drama has been revived by a generous benefactor, and we're all ready for more mayhem, magic, and drama! Here on Paradise Isle, our twenty-two brand new contestants will be split into two teams based on the outcome of the very first challenge. These teams will compete against each other until our merger takes place, at which time the teams will dissolve and it will be every contestant for themself. If battling it out in brutal challenges isn't enough for you viewers at home, our contestants will also be at the mercy of Paradise Isle itself. Blazing sun, unpredictable wildlife, poisonous plants, and huge waves are only a few of the other obstances they'll have to conquer if they want to be the last on standing and claim that sweeeeeet, sweet check for three million."

A small dingy arrives, carrying the first contestant. The young man is quite portly, but has a sincere look about him.

"Hey, you must be Chris," the young man waves as he trudges across the dunes, "I gotta say, all the makeup and lighting make you look wicked different on television."

"I'm not Chris," the new host corrects, "I'm the new host, Dirk McGrath. I'm Chris' replacement."

"Oh, so someone finally snapped and deep sixed McLean, huh? Tsk, that's just too bad," the young man looks slightly sullen as Dirk eyes him, confused.

"Uh...no, Chris is alive and well. Some would say unfortunately. He's retired now, and the network hired me in his place. Anyway, you must be Wheeler," Dirk McGrath checks his notecard, double checking that he has the contestant's name correct.

"Yeah, I'm Wheeler," the young man rubs his chin beard in thought, "You look familiar. You aren't in a band, are you?"

"No," Dirk replies, as the second contestant arrives. Dirk steps in front of Wheeler, "Please, it was nice talking to you, but we have to move on to the other contestants."

"Yeah...I gotcha," Wheeler shoves his hands in his pockets, and whistles quietly to himself.

The next contestant, a tall African-Canadian boy, climbs down off of the boat, and jogs through the dusty dunes. His smile is incredibly wide, almost creepily so.

"Welcome to the show, you must be...uh," Dirk flips through his notecards, "Jeffrey."

"Oh, man! You are soooo good at that!" Jeffrey turns to Wheeler, "It took him like, what? Nine, ten seconds? You're such a pro, my man!" Jeffrey casually slings his arm around Dirk's shoulders, "The dark circles really bring out your eyes. Keep up the good work!"

Dirk, grimacing, removes Jeffrey's arm and directs him to where Wheeler is standing, "You...you go stand with him."

"No problem, boss!" Jeffrey walks brisky in Wheeler's direction. With each step Jeffrey takes, Wheeler's expression grows more and more frightened. As Jeffrey finally approaches, Wheeler drops to the fetal position, "Hey, man, whatcha doin' down there in the sand? Don't get me wrong, that is the most professional fetal position I've ever seen! Are you classically trained?"

"Uh...," Wheeler slowly stands up, "You're not going to hurt me, are you?"

"Whaaaaaat? Pfffft, that's crazy, brother! I could never hurt someone as cool as you!" Jeffrey's smile remains wide as Wheeler's face starts turning from fear to friendly. Jeffrey continues, "I mean, look at that gut. That is one SEXY gut. I mean, I don't think I could ever grow one that full and round. You're like, a god of guts!"

Wheeler starts to sweat, "I...I...thanks, Jerry..."

"Jeffrey," Jeffrey corrects him, "But I've always thought I looked more like a Jerry. Thanks for noticing, my man!"

"Quiet, you two. Another contestant is here," Dirk snaps, and begins fussing with his notecards, "They told me these were in order..."

As he is trying to reorder his notecards, the third contestant arrives. The tall, well endowed young woman stands in front of Dirk, and taps him softly on the shoulder.

"Yes?" Dirk looks up, and immediately drops all of his notecards. The wind picks up, blowing the notecards into the ocean. Dirk doesn't seem to notice, or care, "Welcome to Paradise Isle! You must be..."

"Brittney," the girl responds.

"Brittney! Of course!" Dirk smiles awkwardly as he realizes that his notecards are now a couple hundred feet out to sea, on their way to becoming pulpy mush for some tropical fish to feed on, "Welcome to Paradise Isle, Brittney! I'm the host of this season, Dirk McGrath. I can already tell that you'll be quite the strong contestant! If I may ask, what is with the strange garb?"

"Oh, this?" Brittney looks down at herself, "Why, this is the standard dress for a queen of Nabootoine. I couldn't think to wear anything else, while on this quest."

"I think I've been to Nabootoine," Dirk taps his chin in thought, as Brittney's eyes light up.

"You have?" She smiles, excitedly.

"Yeah...its in Alberta, right?" Dirk snaps his fingers.

"Uh, no. Nabootoine is in a galaxy really, really far away, forty-seven million lightyears south of the Rebel Federation headquarters of planet Ewookie," Brittney folds her arms in disappointment and walks towards Wheeler and Jeffrey. Dirk slumps in shame.

"Hi! Might I say, I've never seen anyone braid their hair in a circular design quite like you! You must be, like, a styling genius!" Jeffrey quickly approaches Brittney, who holds firm in her footsteps.

A few yards behind Jeffrey, Wheeler calls out, "Yeah...Uh, I like your belt! It looks really...belty!"

Brittney lays her hand on Jeffrey's arm, "You are indeed kind, young vulcan. May your travels be blessed with good fortune," Brittney makes an odd symbol with her hand, "Good healty and prosperity."

"Thanks!" Jeffrey calls out, as Brittney begins walking towards Wheeler, "I hope you live long and perspire, too! You're so thoughtful!"

"Greetings, noble snarf herder," Brittney addresses Wheeler, "I sense much potential in you."

"Snarf herder, is that alien for muscle man?" Wheeler smiles, hopefully.

"Actually, it is one who herds snarfs," Brittney laughs, a little, and rests her hand on Wheeler's back, "I sense that you will accomplish something great one day."

"Thanks!" Wheeler blushes, "So, you're a queen, right? Where did you say you were queen of? No, wait, I remember...you're queen of Djibouti, right?"

"Not quite, my friend. Djibouti is a country on your world, while I am from a star federation deep in the outer reaches of the SG-1 Nebula. However, I now reside on my planet of ruling, Nabootoine," Brittney smiles at the sky.

"Oh, that's cool. I'm from Toronto," Wheeler waves at the camera, "Seriously though, where are you from?"

"Manitoba," Brittney sighs, "Come one, guy. I was totally in character."

"Oh," Wheeler's eyes dart side to side, "I'm not sure what to say. Uh...do you like Mutant Sheeps?"

"No, they seem dangerous," Brittney raises her eyesbrows, "I don't know who would bother trying to keep one as a pet."

Wheeler points to his shirt, "No, I mean...ah, forget it," Wheeler returns his hands to his pockets, and starts up his whistling once again. Brittney shrugs, and turns to where Dirk is standing.

"I wonder what the next contestant will be like," Brittney says, more to herself than to anyone else.

"I don't know, girlie, but I'm sure they'll be really awesome!" Jeffrey pops out of nowhere, startling both Brittney and Wheeler. Wheeler begins wobbling forward.

"Hands...stuck in pockets...can't catch mys-" Wheeler's struggle ends with a mouthful of damp sand. Wheeler flails on the ground, trying to turn himself over and still failing to free his hands. Brittney and Jeffrey, who are facing away from Wheeler, do not notice his desperate battle.

As the battle between Wheeler and nature rages on, a new contestant arrives. The sea foam calmly washes over her feet, as she walks towards Dirk and his gaping mouth.

"Well, hi there, you must be Dirk McGrath," the lovely young young cooed, while raising her hand.

"Correct, I'm single-I! I! I mean available!" Dirk winced, as the young woman's expression gradually soured, "Uh...me Dirk, you Erica..."

"Charmed," Erica's ruby red lips faultered, revealing a somewhat disappointed frown. She turns to the other present contestants and resumes smiling. Jeffrey is the first one brave enough to approach.

"You...Hi...I'm...Purdyful...," Jeffrey's tongue, usually cruising at one thounsand miles an hour, betrays him. Erica sighs, but keeps her smile going. Jeffrey's wide grin vanishes for the first time since his arrival, "I apologize...my name is Jeffrey," Jeffrey takes Erica's hand and kisses it politely, "These are the other contestants, Brittney and Scooter."

"Wheeler!" The portly rocker wiggles his way to freedom, stands, and brushes clumps of sand from his figure.

"You sure are," Jeffrey says, absently. His eyes are fixed upon Erica's marvelously calming eyes.

Brittney steps forward, and and bows, "Greetings, Erica. Normally I'd go through my usual introduction ritual...but he," Brittney tosses an accusing thumb at Wheeler, "knocked my out of character."

"Haha," Erica laughs, nervously, "That's quite alright. I think a handshake will do just fine, if'ya ask me," Erica reaches out, and the two girls shake hands.

Wheeler goes to say something, but stops in his tracks. Gazing upon the monument of beauty, Wheeler's eyes slowly shift down, towards his belly. The boy sighs, and waits for the other contestants to pile in.

"Here comes our next competitor," Dirk says, looking through a pair of binoculars, "Looks like the boat is coming up, now." Indeed, the next boat arrives swiftly, and a laid-back, sly looking young man shuffles off the boat, and up the sand dunes to meet the competition.

Clad in plaid, the tall, slender boy flips his hair out of his eyes, "Hey, bro...," The calm young man glances side to side, taking his surrounding in, "Cool island," Smiling, the young man's hair slide back into place, partially covering his left eye. Needless to say, the boy's deeply golden hair was not unpleasant to the eye.

"Thanks," Dirk says, glancing back towards Erica, "Anyway, you must be Peter, or Pauly, or-," The host's comments fade out and are replaced by the soft sounds of the ocean.

"Or Paxton," the boy's gentle eyes and lips try their hardest to form a formidible glare, but can only manage a slightly annoyed pout, "Nice to meet you, man," Paxton sighs, and casually makes his way towards the small group of onlooking contestants.

"Whoa," Wheeler says, "You're pretty. Like a girl, or something."

Paxton's mouth opens slightly, and it seems as though he is unsure of what to say. Finally, he responds, "I don't know of many girls who get this kind of stubble. But thanks for the compliment, dude."

"Oh, yeah, I guess that is a good point," Wheeler chuckles, embarassed.

"Lookin' goooood, brother," Jeffrey hugs the confused slacker, "Scooter is right, you're one nice slice of pie."

"Uh...," Paxton nervously looks to Brittney and Erica for help. Brittney calmly walks towards Jeffrey, who is still holding the perplexed slacker in a bear hug.

"I gotta say, you don't see hair that bouncy on many women," Jeffrey smiles, as Brittney quietly pinches his shoulder, "Let alone...on...bros...," the hulking sycophant drops Paxton, and collaspses.

"He's not dead...right?" Paxton raises a single eyebrow, and slips his hands casually into his pockets.

"Nah, he'll be out for a few minutes, though," Brittney smiles approvingly at the handsome young man, "Unless I squeezed too hard. Anyway, I'm Brittney! Nice to meet you, Paxton!" Brittney offers Paxton a handshake. Nervously, the boy tries to come up with an escape.

"Sorry...my hands are jammed in my pockets," Paxton smiles, nervously, "But I'll take a rain check on that handshake."

"Oh, man, you too? I feel your pain, man. Even my stretchy pants trap my hands, on occasion," Wheeler slaps Paxton on the back, momentarily turning the slacker's usual nonchalant gaze to one of wincing.

"TMI, homie," Paxton laughs, and smiles at the plump boy. Careful to step over Jeffrey's hopefully sleeping body, Paxton situates himself next to Erica. Casually removing his hand from his pocket, Paxton offers her a handshake, "Don't believe we've met, hon. I'm Paxton."

"I'm," Erica's eyes flash with shock, as a large coconut breaks free from a tree overhead, and plummets to the ground, "Holy crap!" Erica watches, as the coconut smacks harmlessly into the sand, inches behind Paxton.

"Funny, you look more like an 'Erica'," Paxton shrugs, "Nice to meet you, HC."

"Hey, how'd you know my name was Erica?" The southern beauty squints at the downtown slacker.

"Lucky guess?" Paxton shrugs, "I dunno. If it was, it would be the first time my luck worked in my favor all day. Anyway, Erica, that's a much nicer name than 'Holy Crap'. I was thinking your parents musta had a sick sense of humor, or lost a bet."

Erica sighs, but with a smile. Paxton smiles back at her. Suddenly, his eyes pop, "Oh, 'fore I forget, I have a girlfriend. Hey, girl with the loopy hair, I'm not available! Just making sure you know!"

Brittney narrows her eyes, drops to her knees, raises her fists to the heavens and curses in some unintelligable language. Paxton, Erica, and Wheeler glance nervously among themself. Jeffrey continues to slumber.

"Hey, if you guys are done screwing around, the next boat is here," Dirk walks towards them, scratching his considerable chest. He winks at Erica and Brittney, points, and makes a clicking noise with his mouth. The two beauties grimace.

Meanwhile, a girl of average height, wide-eyed and smiling, jogs up the shoreline to meet her fellow contestants. Waving, she calls out to the others, "Howdy! I'm Lori!" As the girl makes her way towards the group, the sleeping giant awakens, and Lori plows face-first into Jeffrey's back.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, miss! I did not see you there, running and all. Boy, you sure are fast! I bet you're on the track team, eh?" Jeffrey extends his arm and helps the fallen Lori to her feet.

"Ah, actually, I'm banned from participating in my school's sports programs. There was...an incident," Lori nervously looks side to side.

"What hap-," Erica attempts to ask.

"You don't ask about that!" Lori nearly hisses at the southern belle, while pointing an accusing finger. Slowly lowering her finger, Lori's face shapeshifts back to happy-go-lucky.

"Um...well, alright, hon," Erica steps back, slowly.

Lori smiles, and walks towards Wheeler. Wheeler looks at her, and smiles. Lori smiles back, wide. Clearing his throat, Wheeler bobs his head awkwardly, "Sooooo. You like Mutant Sheeps?"

Lori half frowns, "Well...I don't really like normal sheep, let alone mutated ones."

"No, Mutant Sheeps, the band," Wheeler clears up, "But hey...what have you got against sheeps?"

"I had an experience," Lori frowns. She looks on, and sees that Jeffrey is endlessly sucking up to Brittney, while Erica and Paxton chat each other up.

"Oh, another one of those, huh?" Wheeler sighs, "Well, can I ask what happened?"

"Well...I was fourteen, and I was at a county fair. My mom let me go into the petting zoo. I was petting one of the goats, and feeding it, and talking to it, and so on. I was hunched down on my knees, and this younger goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me," Lori looks around, making sure that the others are distracted. Turning back to Wheeler, she whispers, "In my chest."

"Ah," Wheeler nods to show that he understands, "I know how bad it feels to get headbutted in the stomach."

"No, not my stomach...my _chest_," Lori says, trying to remain quiet.

"Yeah...they're the same thing, Lori," Wheeler looks at the odd girl, slightly confused.

"Wheeler...Listen very closely. My._ Chest_," Lori tries to stress the word without drawing attention from the other contestants.

"Um...Lori, I know what a chest is. I have one too," Wheeler pokes himself in the belly, but quickly blushes.

"My _**boobs**_!" Lori impulsively shouts. Quickly, she covers her mouth, and glances towards the rest of the teens. As expected, they are all staring at her.

"Yeah...? What about them?" Paxton awkwardly glances from Lori to Erica. Erica returns the look.

Jeffrey walks up and pats Lori on the back, "Don't worry, little lady. You're developing just fine."

Lori's face burns witht the color of pure lava, as she sinks to the ground and retracts herself into the comfort of the fetal position. Wheeler, who is also blushing extremely, remains standing with mouth agap. Silently, Paxton, Erica, Brittney, and Jeffrey return to their conversations.

"I'd hate to be you right now," Dirk looks down at Lori, "I mean...they'll probably like, vote you off for being so weird. I give you three episodes." Lori glares up at the man. Dirk looks over his shoulder, and sees a short young man running towards the group.

"Hiiiiii! Hi, there! Hey! I'm Antonio! You guys wanna see my action figures?" The young man's eyes light up, and his smile reveals a set of flashy braces.

"Um...sure," Lori smiles, trying to be polite to the strange young man.

"Oooh, no girl ever said yes to that," Antonio points to her, and then slicks his hair back, "Well, baby, this little guy is an official Spongemitch Squareknickers action figure. Direct from a box of Spongemitch Squarecakes," Antonio clicks his tongue, and raises a flirtatious eyebrow, "And this little guy," Antonio holds up a cheap plastic seastar, "Is a convention exclusive Yancy Seastar."

Lori tries to continue smiling, as she looks over her shoulder. Cautiously, the rest of the group has begun taking steps back. Looking past Lori, Antonio sees Erica and Brittney. Licking his lips, he charges his prey.

Wrapping his coils around the two lovely young women, Antonio strikes, "Well, helllllllo, nurse! Do you mind if I call you nurse?" Antonio addresses Erica, while smiling devilishly.

"Yes. Yes I do," the southern belle deploys her own counter attack, the fatal rejection. Erica picks Antonio's arm off her shoulder, and lets it drop in defeat. Not one to give easily, Antonio shifts tactics, and turns on the attractive nerdette, a prey more his speed.

"So," Antonio shrugs off Erica's rejection without missing a beat, "I see you like Space Skirmish. I happen to have all of the original series one figurine releases."

Brittney chuckles, and slips away from her less-than-seductive assailant, "You're quite fiesty, young jabberwocky, but you lack what we from Nabootoine refer to as, 'skill'."

Slithering away from another rejection, Antonio makes his way towards the males, "Hola, amigos! You dudes like Spongemitch Squareknickers?" Antonio tries his hardest to look 'cool', while holding up his action figures.

"Uh...are those...dolls?" Paxton remains calm, per usual, but adds a slightly awkward tone to his question. Scratching his head, he offers a small smile, "Sorry, bro...not my bag," Paxton leans in to Jeffrey and whispers, "Is it just me, or is this kid about as cool as Vanilla Ice?"

Jeffrey shrugs, and smiles at Antonio. He opens his mouth, and raises a single finger, "Your toys are really...you're really...I think you're...nope. I've...I've got nothing."

"Wow!" Antonio charges up, close into Paxton's face, "You look old! Are you a grown up? Do you have a job? Are you married?"

"Uh," Paxton slowly pushes the parasite away, "I'm seventeen and I'm not married."

"Doyahaveajob?" Antonio repeats, nearly at the speed of light.

"I've got a good job at the Dollar Store," Paxton rolls his head to the side, awkwardly looking for an escape from the conversation. Looking back, the hyperactive headache has disappeared.

"Whoa, where'd he go?" Wheeler looks around, searching for Antonio with a slight hint of fear.

"Boo!" Antonio pops out from behind Wheeler, causing the rotund rocker to scream out in fear, before falling face first into the sand, yet again. Antonio laughs obnoxiously, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Oh, man, you totally...didn't...see that...," The childish boy yawns, and falls down in the sand next to Wheeler. Behind him, an annoyed Brittney stands.

"Do you knock him out, like you knocked Jeffrey out?" Erica raises a perfectly plucked eyebrow.

"Indeed," Brittney cracks her knuckles while smiling triumphantly, "Once again, my plutonian sleeper pinch saves the day."

"That can't be good for his health, to be knocked out like that," Erica points out, before picking the sleeping Antonio out of the sand and resting him against a nearby tree, out of the sun.

"Careful about putting him too close to the jungle," Paxton warns, "Something could eat him while he's out." The teens all look at each other, nervously. No one moves.

"He'll be fine," Lori twiddles her thumbs, as the others nod. Jeffrey whistles, innocently. Lori scratches the back of her head, nervously, "So, Dirk...when's the next contestant gonna get here?"

"Funny you should ask, early out," Dirk smiles and points to an arriving boat, as Lori scowls at him. She mouths the words 'I hate you'. Dirk's eyes grow wide, "No! I will not date you! Sicko, I'm twice your age!"

"That's not what...oh, who cares?" Lori sighs, and slumps her shoulders in defeat.

"Didn't you hit on Brittney and me? And you're calling her a sicko?" Erica's face contorts into a formidable grimace as she shrinks away in disgust.

"What? I can't here you over the sound of that other contestant," Dirk shifts his eyes back and forth, as the next boat arrives. A slim, fairly attractive Asian girl front flips off the dingy, into the sand. Shaking a little, she curses.

"Crap...that dismount was crap," the Oriental gymnist frets.

"Hey," Dirk appears next to her, suddenly, "You must be Christina."

"Yes, but please, I prefer to be called Christy," the teen corrects, politely, "And you must be Dirk McGrath."

"Yeah...hey, how'd you know that?" Dirk's brow shifts, indicating confusion.

"Yeah, how did you know Chris wasn't hosting this season, my little cherry blossom?" Antonio pops out from behind a now bewildered Dirk.

"Well, for one...I actually read the contract I was given," Christy eyes Antonio suspiciously as the dorkish boy oogles her figure.

"Wow, you like, read that an' stuff? I just signed it. And, come to think of it...I only signed my first name. It was a miracle you people found the right 'Paxton'," Paxton yawns, and relaxes his body against a nearby palm tree.

"Am I the only one here who actually read their contract?" Christy looks across the blank and guilty faces of the other contestants. Sighing, she concludes, "Aww...I feel like such a tool."

"Speaking of tool," Dirk picks Antonio off his back and tosses him to the side, "It looks like Broderick is about to arrive."

"Don't you mean 'Broderick'?' Christy insists.

"No. No I don't," Dirk eyes Christy's figure in the same manner as Antonio. The disgruntled femlete promptly slaps the host.

Soon after a tall, heavily tanned young man with spiked hair struts towards them. His chest is partially visable, revealing a tattoo reading 'Iceman'. The young man earlier identified as Broderick cocks an eyebrow, "Yo, what up in here? Boy, you got some nice looking chicks here," Broderick pats Christy on the shoulder, "Is it just me, or is this sun scorching?"

"The sun is scorching, mister," Antonio finally rises from the sand, dusting himself off. He looking to the young women, he glares jealously at Broderick, "How did you hypnotize the girls into staring at you with such shallow lust? I've written to Santa about enticing chicks with shallow lust since eigth grade!"

"Cool story, bro" Broderick walks past the jealous dork, while Christy remains by his side, "No need to worry about the sun, ladies. The Iceman cometh," Broderick cocks his eyebrow again, and winks at Brittney and Erica, while walking past Lori without a second glance.

"What about me?" Lori asks, hopefully.

"What _about _you?" Broderick flexes his considerable chest muscles while Erica and Brittney giggle. Paxton, Wheeler, and Antonio all gather together and glare at the well trimmed tool. In the distance, Dirk also glares.

"Hey, wasn't there a big Jamaican guy, with dreads and a creepy smile? The Iceman could have swore he saw some Jamaican looking dude with dreads and a creepy smile," Broderick looks around, curiously.

"I can have dreads, if you want," Christy stares intently at Broderick chest muscles, which are still flexing.

"And I can be a big Jamaican looking dude with dreads, if you'd like!" Lori calls out, from behind the group. Everyone looks at her with utter confusion. Sighing, Lori resumes the fetal position.

"Here I am!" Jeffrey pokes his head between Christy and Broderick, awkwardly, "And might I say, you are one good looking dude! Way to be handsome, bro! I mean, you're even prettier than that guy!" Jeffrey points to Paxton, who scowl.

"Pfff," Paxton flips his hair, "Is not..."

Broderick pats Jeffrey on the head, "Thanks for the compliments, but The Iceman and his pecs don't play for that team."

"What team?" Jeffrey asks, confused.

"Ah...nevermind," Broderick smiles, and slowly pushes Jeffrey away, pulling Christy closer as he does so.

Antonio quickly fills Jeffrey's place, forcing his way between the two, "And who is The Iceman?"

"I, The Iceman, am The Iceman," Broderick pushes Antonio away as well, slightly more forcefully than with Jeffrey.

"I thought your name was Broderick?" Lori, the third in line, fills the space. Without a word, Broderick shoves her away as hard as he can.

"Now, who was that mortal who claimed to be prettier than The Iceman?" Broderick lets go of Christy, searching for his challenger. Spotting Wheeler, he hones in, "Was it you, bro?" Nervously, Wheeler bites his lip and flails his head 'no'. Broderick squints, and passes by him. Looking over Dirk, Jeffrey, and Antonio, he finally stops at Paxton. Smirking, Broderick raises his mighty nose in the air, "Soo...you claim to be prettier than Broderick 'The Iceman' Tanner?"

"'Cha," Paxton glares at the tanning enthusiast, "'Cha,_ bro_," Paxton quickly adds emphasis to drive his point home.

"Ah...then there is only one way to settle this...a shirt off!" Broderick rips his shirt off with ease. Lori, Christy, and Brittney blush intensely. Erica smiles, approvingly.

"Oh, 'cha?" Paxton removes his plaid overshirt and rips his undershirt off, revealing his own tattoo. The tattoo is of a large playing card 'club'. As Paxton reveals his surprisingly toned stomach, Lori, Brittney, and Christy begin fanning themselves. Erica blushes, intensely.

"Whoa, not bad, not bad," Broderick nods his head in approval, as he takes a spare shirt out of his pocket, "Looks like this ends in a tie, for now...," Paxton smiles triumphantly, and takes a spare shirt out of his back pocket, as well.

"You guys just carry those in your pockets?" Christy asks, amazed.

"When you're challenged to as many 'shirt-offs' as we are, you learn to come prepared," Broderick explains as Paxton nods. Turning to Paxton, Broderick smiles, "I like you, kid. Come, help me enjoy my harem," Broderick pats Paxton on the shoulder, as the two boys walk off.

"Lucky duckies with their toned physiques and their harems," Antonio angrily crosses his arms.

"Excuse me, noble warriors of protein and testosterone, but the Feeling tells me that the next contestant is arriving," Brittney closes her eyes, and holds her fingers to her temples.

"What's with this one, is she a freakin' psychic or something?" Broderick's pecs flex, punctuating his question.

"Well," Christy rolls her eyes, "It probably helps that the boat is already here," Christy walks past a bewildered Broderick and over to Dirk, "Excuse me. You disgust me because you oogle us, but I need to ask you a question. Is there a confessional somewhere?"

"Yeah," Dirk nods.

"Well...," Christy waits, a little annoyed.

"Well...what?" Dirk looks confused.

"Where. Is. It?" Christy sighs, holds her head in her hands, and speaks slowly.

"Oh. Yeah. Well, I've decided that I'm going to wait until everyone has arrived before I reveal that. So...you can pass the time by doing figure eights in the sand, or something girls like to do," Dirk shrugs, and turns towards the next contestant, who is climbing off the boat.

An extremely irritated Christy raises a finger to say something, but turns and leaves without a word. The next contestant immediately runs up, right into her face.

"You...," the new arrival says, accusingly. Christy stares at the girl, who is short and plump, with wide, frantic eyes and a strange tinfoil hat.

"What?" Is all Christy can think to say. Backing away slowly, the plump arrival matches her step for step.

"You're OBVIOUSLY a vampire," an angry, accusing finger follows the word 'vampire', as the paranoid pumpkin of a girl prepares to strike.

"How would I be a vampire, when I'm out in broad daylight?" Christy, nervous, puts her hands up, in weak defense.

"Hmmm...well played, vampire...well played. This ain't over," the girl slinks away, eyeballing the others.

"This is Nora, everyone!" Dirk calls, from a few hundred yards away. The bevy of teens grimace. The girls and Jeffrey hide behind Broderick, while Antonio, Wheeler, and Paxton work feverishly to construct a barrier of sand.

"Don't worry, honies," Broderick smiles, "The Iceman has room for all...except you," Broderick looks down at Lori, and pushes her away, "Sorry, the icebox is full."

"But why does he get to stay?" Lori points at Jeffrey, who is cowering among the girls.

"Eh, I like his compliments," Broderick smiles, "Come on now, you know your place." Lori sighs, and uses her signature fetal position. Nora sprints over, leaping over the sadsack of Lori, and over to Broderick.

"You! I know you! So, we meet again...," Nora readies herself in a strange combat position, sizing up her supposed predator.

"Yeah, sorry babe, but I don't remember you. And, I'm sure I'd remember a face like that," Broderick shudders at Nora's large, crazed eyes.

"Don't play dumb with me, incubus! You and Bigfoot can't take over the world without getting past me, first! You know I'm The Chosen One...," Nora strikes over, missing horribly.

"Yeah? Well, there are some who call me...The Iceman," Broderick's chest muscles flex, "Oh, sorry. Sometimes they do that by themselves. It's almost as if they have a mind of their own."

"That or the three of you share one brain," Antonio whispers to his comrades, behind the pitiful wall of sand. Paxton giggles.

"Technically, they do," Wheeler whispers back. Antonio glares back with intensity.

"Okay, Nora, settle down. We're still got twelve more contestants to introduce. Settle down, ya'll. Here's our next contestant, a straight up gangster," Dirk ushers the young man over, as the others watch carefully, "This is Cooper."

"'Sup," The muscular, Latino boy calmly looks over his competition, "I hope we can all play nice."

"Even when he's trying to be peaceful, that guy scares the crap out of me...," Antonio whispers to Paxton and Wheeler, who nod in agreement and crouch lower behind the makeshift barrier.

Cooper's eyes open, slightly wider. He looks at the sand barrier, "You got something you wanna say to me, homes?" Paxton and Wheeler wimper, and toss Antonio over the barrier. Cooper picks Antonio up by his shirt, and sets him down on his feet. Crossing his arms, he says, "Well?"

"Please...I'm just a boy...Don't make me sleep with the fishes! I don't even like swimming pools!" Antonio drops back down to the ground, and shields his head with his Spongemitch and Yancy Seastar figures.

"Wrong gangsters, amigo. I ain't gonna hurt you, kid," Cooper walks past Antonio, and over to the sand barrier, "Get out of there, you're disgracing yourselves, yo." Wheeler and Paxton slowly rise, and Cooper offers a handshake, "Name's Cooper. Nice to meet ya'll."

"Paxton," the shakey slacker returns the handshake, sighing with a bit of relief.

Wheeler takes the handshake, as well, "Wheeler." After shaking hands, Cooper moves past them, to the huddled group of Broderick's harem plus Jeffrey.

"Dang, bro. I've seen smaller tools at a hardware store," Cooper looks at Broderick head to toe, unimpressed.

"Thanks, there, homester," Broderick smiles, and runs his hand through his small tuft of spiked hair.

"That wasn't a compliment," Cooper rolls his eyes, and turns away.

"Holy whoa," Broderick's arms fall from his hair and down to his sides, "What happened to your shoulder?"

"Knife fight," Cooper replies, without turning to face the tanned tool.

"Did...you win?" Christy looks nervously at the long, smooth scar.

"I'm here talking to you, aren't I?" Cooper shrugs, and jams his hands into his pockets, "I'd prefer not to talk about it."

"Okay, thats cool," Christy smiles, clearly disturbed. Quietly, she says to herself, "I'm not sure I want to know anymore..."

"New person," Dirk yawns, and tosses his thumb over his shoulder. Behind him, a tall girl with large, frizzy blonde hair walks towards the contestants.

"You're not very professional," Christy looks at Dirk, disappointed by his lack of hosting skills.

"Eh," Dirk shrugs. Christy sighs, and rolls her eyes.

"Wait!" Nora makes an amazing leap, completely clearing Dirk and landing smack-dab in front of Christy, "I've heard that sigh once before...in the deepest reaches of the Canadian jungle..."

"There aren't any jungles in Canada," Christy states, confused.

"That is exactly the thing I would expect to hear...from a vampire!" Nora grapples with Christy, putting her into a powerful headlock.

"We JUST went over this! Broad daylight! Me no vampire!" Christy breaks free, and stumbles away from the insane neurotic.

Nora thinks for a second and then replies, "...You win this round, she-demon...but I'll be back." Nora turns, and starts walking away, but keeps her eyes on Christy. Suddenly, she slams into Broderick chest, "Oh...Ouch. Hmm? What is this?" Nora squints at Broderick's tattoo, "Its so obvious! How could none of you see it! This man," Nora pokes Broderick's pectoral, "Is clearly a yeti! I mean, come on! He has it printed right there on his yeti chest!"

"Aren't yetis, like, hairy or something? I can't be a yeti, I wax daily," Broderick shrugs.

"Ew," Nora cringes, "But aha! Waxing, the perfect way to disguise your true yeti identity!"

"Oh, just shut up already," Antonio covers his ears, "I mean...even I don't want to date you, now."

"I'd never date a mutant naked mole rat," Nora glares at Antonio with pure disgust.

Paxton laughs quietly, and jabs Antonio with his elbow, "Hahaha... You need some ointment for that third degree burn?"

"Ointment wouldn't do much for a third degree burn," Wheeler states. Paxton stares at him, blankly.

The tall, frizzy-haired girl from before now stands at the head of the group, watching awkwardly. She raises her hand, and waves, "Um. Hi. My name is Katherine, and I'm the new contestant."

"Hi, Katherine," the other eleven contestants say, in unison. Nora adds under her breath, "You evil harpie."

Katherine looks over the group, "Wow. There are a lot of really cute guys here. And some really cute girls, too." Katherine smiles, but gets some odd looks from the crowd.

"Wha...what was that last part?" Erica asks, slightly confused.

"I said there are some really cute girls here," Katherine repeats, "Oh. I should probably mention that I'm bisexual."

"Gee, how'd we ever guess?" Broderick mocks her. Katherine, as well as the other girls, laugh with him. The males look at the sight, strangely.

"Why...why are they laughing at that?" Antonio scratches his head, unable to figure the situation out.

"He has the gift," Paxton nods, "In all my years of being beautiful, they've only told stories of 'the gift'. But, I've only seen it just now."

"Whose 'they'?" Antonio questions.

Paxton looks alarmed, "I...I've said too much...They're nobody, they don't exist. Who are you? I don't know you," Paxton looks side to side, and quickly walks away.

"Anyway, yeah," Katherine smiles, "I hope it doesn't bother anyone. If you're straight, I won't make any advances." Collectively, all of the other females raise their hands, indicating their heterosexuality. Katherine frowns, a little, "Guys it is."

"Excuse me, miss," an overly dramatic and somewhat deep voice booms from behind Katherine. She turns, and sees a muscular boy clad in a trenchcoat and tie. He is tall, buy only slightly taller than Katherine herself. He speaks again, "I...couldn't help but notice that your earring is missing."

"I don't wear earrings," Katherine replies, perplexed by the boy.

"Ah! And so, the plot thickens...," the boy takes a pencil that was strategically placed behind his ear, and begins writing on a small notepad that he takes from inside his coat.

"What are you writing, guy?" Katherine aks, trying to peak over the top of the notepad.

"Probably his incantation for stealing our souls," Nora nods, "Good thing I wore my tinfoil hat and not my steel helmet."

"Oh, this? Nothing, just notes and clues that I've observed since my arrival," the boy smiles, and continues writing. A camera angle from over the boy's shoulder reveals that he is doodling a picture of himself beating up crook.

"You don't look like a teenager, mister," Antonio walks up to the boy, impressed by his size.

"Neither do you, junior," the boy replies, "But I assure you, I'm only eighteen."

Dirk, yawning, walks between the boys, putting an arm around each, "I see you've met Hudson."

"Where have you been?" Erica asks, annoyed.

"I think I might have fallen asleep...I can't remember," Dirk shrugs, again. Most of the cast sighs or shakes their head in disappointment.

"We're all gonna die," Erica sighs, deeply. Paxton lays a reassuring hand on her shoulder, and smiles at her. Her eyes perk up, a bit, and her lips reverse their direction.

"Haha, I think it is kind of interesting that we have a gangster and a cop in the same cast," Antonio remarks, nervously. Hudson's eyebrows shoot up.

"What? A gangster? Fear not, noble citizens! For I, Hudson Tagawa, shall find the vagrant ne'er-do-well!" Hudson reaches into his large trenchcoat and produces a magnifying glass.

"Is this dude for real?" Antonio looks confused, as Hudson begins following tracks in the sand.

"He sure is determined! I like his spirit!" Jeffrey pats Antonio on the back, and then calls to Hudson, "Rock on, detective bro! Fight the good fight!"

"Heeeeey, when did we stop complimenting me?" Broderick's lower lip quivers, as he watches Hudson.

"No need to fear, noble citizens of Paradise Isle! I am mere seconds from deducing the identity of our culprit!" Hudson places his intrument back inside his coat, as he comes to Cooper.

"Can I help you with something?" Cooper turns his head towards the mislead detective.

Hudson eyes Cooper for a moment, "Hmm...facial scar, shaved head, imposing facial hair, tattoos, saggy pants...," Hudson squints, "Nope, nothing out of the ordinary here," Hudson nods in approval, and turns on Antonio, "YOU, however, seem out of place...pink shirt? Gang colors, I suspect...and those dolls...hiding any illegal substances within them, are you?"

Antonio begins to sweat, "No, occifer, I-I, mean, officer..."

"Oh, well in that case, you're free to go!" Hudson smiles, invitingly, and shouts to the heavens, "But I will find you, you gangster, you!"

As Hudson walks away, Antonio sighs with relief, "Phew...that was a close one...he almost found my secret stash of Flintrock Vitamins...," Antonio shifts his eyes, side to side.

"Excuuuuse meeee," a tall, pasty while girl with dark eyeliner and maroon colored hair saunters past the nerdling.

"Whoa. What a woman!" Antonio licks his hand, and slicks his hair back, "'Cuse me, darling, but this here is a toll beach."

"You don't say," the girl looks down at the boy, her says shaded by her own bangs.

"I do, indeed," Antonio clicks his tongue, "Whaddya say I let you go through, for, oh...one kiss? Tongue is optional."

The girl looks at Antonio for a second. Suddenly, a small but ominous smile curls on her lips, "Sounds faiiiir," the girl's voice is alluring, yet strangely dark, "But I must warn you," the gothic queen leans in and whispers into Antonio's awaiting ear, "I bite."

"Uh...that's okay, you can go through," Antonio laughs, nervously, and backs away slowly.

The mysterious girl seemingly floats between the other contestants, "How disappointiiiing."

"So, who are you, miss?" Erica asks, a wary look in her usually bright eyes.

"Robin," the gothic ghost hovers near the back of the crowd, "My name is Robiiin." Robin's voice carries through the crowd, chilling them like an icy wind. Some look nervously among themselves, others try to keep their composure.

"Where did Dirk go? He's suppose to be introducing these jokers," Christy looks around for the dreadfully unprofessional host, finally spotting what appears to be Dirk, asleep on the beach.

"Oh, just leave him there. Things will probably move faster if he isn't involved," Katherine sighs, "I can't believe our fate is in the hands of that lump."

"I'm all for moving things forward," Robin says, glaring through her bangs, "The sun...she burns."

"Because you're a VAMPIRE!" Nora calls out, from across the crowd.

Robin's face remains completely stoic, "Oh, darn," she snaps her long, whispy fingers, "You got me."

"I...I'm not sure what to say...," Nora sits down on the ground, and rests her hand on her fist. From her face, it is clear she is deep in concentration.

From over her shoulder, Christy asks, "Are you oka-,"

"Not now, gargoyle," Nora lifts her hand, "I'm thinking."

"Gargoyle? I thought I was a vampire?" Christy says, "Wait, not that I'm a vampire, I just...oh, screw it," the femlete sighs in frustration, and walks away.

"Uh, am I in the right place? The man driving the boat didn't speak a lot of English," a tall, impressively handsome young man steps up the beach, holding a map, "This is Paradise Isle, right?"

"Yes...yes it is," Katherine replies to the boy's question, mesmerized.

"Cool. So, it looks like I'm one of the last to arrive," the boy looks around, scanning the crowd through light brown eyes, "I was hoping to get here early."

"You may be one of the last, but you're certainly now least," Christy giggles to herself. The boy raises an eyebrow.

"Thanks, for that," the boy folds up his map, and places it in the pocket of his deep blue, stylish jacket. He looks around, and tries to manage a smile, "I'm Kirk, in case anyone was wondering."

"I don't recall anyone asking," Robin's eyes shine with indifference.

Kirk looks slightly surprised by this response. The other females glare at Robin and move in on her.

"How dare you be so rude to such a handsome boy," Katherine sneers at the goth.

"Yeah! Can't you see that Kirk is a gift from God?" Jeffrey, who is among the girls, hisses, "I like your skirt, though. You're working it, girl!"

"Whoa, whoa," Kirk breaks his way through the crowd of angry females and Jeffrey, "You all don't even know me, yet. Lay off the girl." Kirk stares down the crowd, and slowly, they back off.

"I...I just can't say no to those eyes," Christy shakes her head in disbelief.

Jeffrey nods, "I know what you mean, girl. They were like orbs of hypnotizing chocolate..."

Lori nods, "He kind of looks like that Brad guy, from those underwear ads in those magazines."

Christy and Jeffrey blink, and look at Lori oddly. Christy asks, "What underwear ads in what magazines?"

Blushing, Lori replies, "What? I don't know...I don't subscribe or anything...," Lori's eyes dart back and forth as Jeffrey and Christy glare at her, skeptically. Lori laughs, nervously, and runs away.

"So, are you okay?" Kirk turns to Robin, who looks unimpressed.

"I think I'll live," Robin's voice creaks, "You sure did stick your neck out for me, stepping between a hungry pack of girls and their prey."

Kirk frowns, "I think you're being sarcastic."

Robin's face changes for the first time since her arrival. With widened eyes, Robin gasps, "Moi? Sarcasm? I fear that word is foreign to me, Kurt."

"Kirk," the handsome young man corrects, "My name is Kirk. And I don't know what got me on your bad side, already. I was just trying to help."

"Please, spare me your self righteous speech," Robin shakes her head, "I know your type. You're Mr. Cool, popular, and you think that if you stand up for the little person once in awhile, it makes you a deeper person. Well, you can't pull one over on me, _Kirk_. This isn't exactly my first day on the farm."

Kirk's eyes soften, as a little bit of color drains from his face, "I...Am I correct in assuming I'm not going to be able to change your opinion, no matter how valid the arguement?"

Robin smiles an extremely faint, but proud smile, "Ding-ding. Ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves a winner."

From within the crowd, Lori calls out, "You're darn right he's a winner!"

"Who was that?" Kirk turns around, swiftly. Lori quickly dives back down into the group of contestants. Kirk glares, a little, "I wish they would stop that."

"I'm sure," Robin begins walking away, leaving Kirk to his lonesome self. A frowning Kirk eventually begins walking away himself, in the opposite direction.

Watching carefully, Paxton turns to Broderick, "He's weakened now. We can defeat him with a Shirt-Off. Then all of the attention will be back on us."

"No," Broderick shakes his head, "The Gift is strong with this one. We cannot win...yet. Wait, I thought you had a girlfriend?"

"Oh, yeah...still, I like the attention...?" Paxton offers only a weak smile. Broderick eyes him suspiciously, but nods in acceptance.

Kirk sits down on a fallen tree, and sighs to himself. His eyes perk up, as a hand falls to rest on his shoulder. Looking up, he sees Erica, smiling.

"Look, I know that Robin girl was pretty rude to you...but cheer up! I'm sure you'll have no trouble making friends here," Erica smiles sweetly, and pats Kirk on the back.

Returning Erica's smile, Kirk replies, "Thanks. I hope I can make some friends, here...still, I don't know what I did to get that Robin girl mad at me, already. I didn't catch your name, by the way."

"Erica," the southern beauty sits down next to Kirk, and leans in a bit, "So, Kirk, tell me a little bit about yourself."

"Well, I...," Kirk begins, but a terribly annoying screech interrupts any secrets he may have shared.

"Heeeey, if you two are done making out, another new person is here," Antonio pops between the two.

Kirk sighs, but manages a smile, "Thanks, bro. Come on, why don't we all go meet the next arrival?"

"Now you're talking!" Antonio slides his hungry hand around Erica's waist. A fierce glare from Erica prompts him to drop whatever plan he may have had, regarding her waist.

"Yes. Let's go. But you walk on the other side of Kirk," Erica points, assertively. Antonio, limping with embarassment, obeys.

As they walk past Robin, she murmurs, "Already seducing the masses, I see. Veeeery impressive, Mr. Cool." Kirk winces a little, but Erica hurries him along.

"Excuse me, sir!" Hudson grabs Kirk's arm, and pulls him away from Antonio and Erica, "But there seems to be a gangster on the loose, and I need to ask you a few questions."

"You think I'm the gangster?" Kirk points to himself, curious.

Hudson laughs heartily, "Hahaha, no, no. Beautiful people like you and I don't commit crimes."

Kirk looks skeptic, "Uh huh, I see. Where did you hear that?"

Hudson chuckles, again, "Why, it's right here in the rules! Page three, paragraph six." The would-be detective hands Kirk a thick book.

"The Idiot's Guide to Detectiving. Is 'detectiving' a word?" Kirk asks, and Hudson shrugs, "Wait. It says 'Be wary, young detective. EVEN beautiful people can commit crimes.'"

"Oh," Hudson looks awkwardly to the side, for a few minutes. Finally, he says, "Uh...," taking the book back, he sprints away.

Erica, as well as Kirk and Antonio, look confused. Finally, Erica says, "Annnnnyway...," the southern beauty looks to her left and notices that the newest arrival is already being greeted by the other contestants, "Come on, you two."

"So, what's your name, sugar?" Broderick flexes his pecs especially hard for the newest female.

"Well," the girl, who appears quite sad, begins. Her sadness is hinted at by her heart locket, half of which is missing, "My name is Martina...and if it's alright with everyone...I don't want to talk, right now."

"Uh...yeah, that's cool, I guess," Broderick scratches his head, confused as to why the young lady rejected him. He watches curiously as Martina shufffles off by herself. Thinking for a second, Broderick pulls Hudson over, "Yo, my man. Do me a solid and smell me." Hudson, though obviously concerned, complies.

"Mmmm, coconut," Hudson smiles, pleasantly.

Broderick nods, "So it wasn't my smell...tell me, is it my hair? Is my tan fading? Do the pecs need more lotion? I thought they were looking a little dry...Wait, wait. You're a detective, aren't you?" Hudson nods, and Broderick continues, "Good. Find out why she shot me down." Saluting his employer, Hudson lumbers off.

"Hello...," a large, muscular boy taps Broderick on the shoulder.

"Hellooo-oly crap! You's a big son of a gun, aren't you, boy?" Broderick stumbles backwards, initially alarmed by the boy's great height and physique.

"Yeah...I'm six foot four," the boy laughs, slightly, "Tell me, was that introduction modest? I was going for modest, honestly. Kind of like, cute and innocent, too, I guess."

"Eh, it was okay. Could have used more explosions," Brittney shrugs, as she randomly walks by.

"So, who are you, big boy? I say 'big boy' in a literal way, not a flirty way, b-t-dubbs," Katherine asks, popping out from behind Broderick, "But...now that I think of it, you are one hot piece of-"

"As I was saying," the boy interrupts, "My name is Marvin Travolta, actor extraordinaire."

Katherine, Broderick, and the rest of the gang gasp, collectively. Katherine asks, "Like, John Travolta?"

"Indeed," Marvin nods his head, "My father is John Travolta."

"Like," Broderick shakes his head in disbelief, "_The_ John Travolta?"

"Well...technically no. My father is the John Travolta of Travolta Car Washes Inc. I don't blame you though, it is a pretty common mistake," Marvin smiles. He looks around, scanning the faces of the other teens, "Was that humble? I was going for humble. Pleasant could work as well, I suppose."

"Eh, needed more zing, flash, pizazz," Katherine waves her hands, dramatically.

"Bada bing, I was just going to say that," Broderick strokes his fauxhawk affectionately, "Definitely could have had more pizazz."

Marvin frowns, "Ah, well. I've still got time to practice before shooting starts, I suppose."

"What is he talking about? We're being filmed right now," Cooper says, more or less to himself.

"I thought it was awesome, bro! You're the best, slugger! You don't need no practice, you got this, bro! You so got this!" Jeffrey pops from the crowd, and shakes Marvin's hand, wildly.

"Well, well!" Marvin smiles, arrogantly, "It's always nice to meet a fan of my work."

Broderick frowns, "The Iceman is curious, yo. What exactly have you acted in?"

Marvin laughs, nervously, "Well, you know...a couple plays, some musicals, a short film...," Marvin coughs, loudly. Under his breath, he says, "And that commerical with the stock trading baby. And, you know, this show."

Cooper smirks, "Hate to burst your bubble, son. This ain't a scripted show."

"What...what are you talking about? Of course it is...I had my lines written right here, on my arm!" Marvin turns his right arm, revealing a large smudge of ink. Marvin smacks his forehead, "Gah! It rubbed off on the side of my shirt..."

Most of the contestants laugh. Robin says, "So you like, signed up to this thinking it was an acting job? It looks like you picked the only reality show that isn't scripted. Oh, sweet irony."

Marvin sneers, "Oh. So, you mean to tell me that you aren't an actress?" Robin shakes her head, eyebrow raised. Marvin smiles, smugly, "Pity. I thought the only way someone would dress as poorly as you was if they were paid to."

"Hey," Kirk sticks his pointer finger out, defiant of Marvin's remark, "Watch it, Marvin."

"Or whaaaaat? You'll get your little girlfriend to beat me up?" Marvin shakes his head, "I suppose that wouldn't be as bad as finding out you signed up to a reality show that doesn't require acting."

"Hey, come on, no need to be mean," Antonio steps between the two boys, smiling.

Marvin growls, and pushes Antonio aside, "Out of my way, twig boy."

Kirk's face instantly contorts with anger. Cooper notices, and leaps at Kirk, restraining him. Kirk fights against Cooper's hold, "Let me go! Someone needs to teach this prick a lesson, Cooper..."

"Hey, I ain't disagreeing with you, homes," Cooper pulls Kirk away from the scoffing Marvin, "But that ain't the way it should go down, know what I'm saying?" Kirk sighs, and relaxes. Cooper releases him, "Trust me, hombre. He'll get his." Kirk nods, and walks off, again. Sitting down on the same fallen tree as before, Kirk stares off to the side.

"Way to run away, kid," Marvin laughs, "Ah, I would have smoked him. Right, guy who compliments me?" Marvin looks to Jeffrey for approval.

Jeffrey glares at Marvin, "You don't talk to Kirk that way." Marvin looks around, and sees that many of the others are glaring at him, as well.

"What?" Marvin shrugs, "Did that guy save a wayward kitten before I got here? What did he do?"

"He didn't do anything," Katherine states, "He's just...Kirk."

Cooper helps Antonio to his feet, "You alright, white boy?"

Antonio raises an eyebrow, "Um. Yeah. But, I'm half Hispanic."

Cooper looks surprised, "Straight up?" Antonio nods. Cooper shakes his hand, "That's what I'm talking about, homes. Anyway, if that third-rate estupido bothers you again," Cooper glances in Marvin's general direction, "Come find me." Antonio nods, and Cooper pats him on the back, before walking away.

A somewhat short, slightly overweight girl arrives on the island. Seeing that the other contestants haven't noticed her arrival, she silently begins walking off to the side. Before getting very far, she hears a voice calling for her.

"Excuse me, miss!" Hudson runs towards her, skidding to a stop mere inches before he would have plowed into the girl, "I'm trying to gather some information on that girl," Hudson points to Martina, who is standing alone, near the jungle, "But so far, she has been unresponsive to my questions. Might I bother you for your help in my endeavor?"

The girl shakes her head, quickly. Hudson frowns, "Oh? So, you would obstruct justice instead of aiding it?" The girls shakes her head again, more frantic than before. Hudson squints at her, "Tell me, my short and squat friend, what is your name?"

"Uh," the girl begins, "My n-n-n-name is Bar-Bar...," the girl seems to be struggling through the word, her face blushes, slightly.

"Bar, eh? Not a conventional name, but I digress," Hudson takes his notepad from his trench coat, and begins writing.

"Barbara," the girl says, "My name is Barbara."

"Ah," Hudson nods, "That sounds more like a name, to me. Come! Let us introduce you to the other contestants, before I draft your aid!" The girl shakes her head, but Hudson lifts her up onto his shoulders, "Onward, to adventure!" Hudson jogs up the beach towards the group of awaiting contestants. Some have noticed the pair approaching, and greet them with strange looks.

"Ahoy, peers! Have you met Barbara?" Hudson lifts Barbara off of his shouders and sets her down, single handedly, despite being only a little bit larger than her, himself. Turning to the others, he says, "Be nice to her. The poor dear is so nervous that she trips over her own name." Barbara blushes, and wipes sand from her pant legs.

"Fierce glasses, honey," Jeffrey places on hand on Barbara's shoulder, "I like how you work that blouse. Work it, girlfriend. Work it overtime!"

Barbara blushes, "Um. Thank you, sir."

"Welcome to dysfunctional junction," Robin comments from the back of the group.

Jeffrey laughs at Robin's comment, "Hahaha! Oh, you." Robin rolls her eyes, and curls her bottom lip.

Hudson shifts his eyes, side to side, "You stay here and get to know everyone...I'll go back to detectizing that Martina girl...," Hudson slinks away, notepad in hand. Barbara looks both confused, and generally concerned.

Dirk McGrath, covered and sand and considerable sunburnt, walks up to the grab-bag collection of teenagers, "Yo, peeps. Looks like a few more of you have arrived, since I took my mandatory union break."

"Yeah, try like, nine," Christy rolls her eyes. Brushing the sand off of the host, she goes on, "C'mon, Dirk. If you're going to be our host, act like it. How did you get this job, anyway?"

"I won it in a card game," Dirk shrugs, as he aids the femlete in dusting sand away.

"Figures," Paxton sneers, "Even that guy can win a card game."

"Moving on, this season's token bad boy should be arriving soon. His name is Judd. And get this-the guy is totally British. So, he'll probably say some really weird, funny made up words, and stuff," Dirk smiles, anticipating the contestants to do the same.

"Wow," Barbara says, "That was really in-in-in...insensitive," the full figured gal blushes, as she finishes her sentence.

"Husky girl is right," Antonio says, "That was mad wack, yo," the excitable dork looks to Cooper, who shakes his head. Antonio nods, "I mean, Barbara was correct. That was not appropriate, Mr. McGrath." Cooper pats the smaller boy on the back, approvingly.

"Oi, you wouldn't be talking about me now, would ya, mate?" a tall, gruesome looking boy grabs Dirk's arm and spins him around, "I don't take kindly to no bollocks about me 'omeland."

"Uh, no, dude. I was just talking...about that other...Britain," Dirk backs away, slowly.

"Right on ya," Judd walks past the host, and towards the other contestants, "So where is the bloody host, already?"

Broderick looks confused, "Uh, the host was the guy you just assaulted."

Judd's eyebrows raise, "Is that so?" Judd turns to Dirk, who is now cringing behind Katherine, "Sorry for the scare, mate. Me head is a little silly from that bloody boatride and...who are you?" Judd smiles at Katherine, who blushes.

"My name is Katherine," the frizzy haired female continues blushes, as Judd takes her hand, and kisses it. Looking down, Katherine jumps back, "What happened to your finger?"

"Oh, that little baby?" Judd holds his hand up in the air, allowing everyone present to take notice of the missing digit, "Lost that little rotter in an alley fight, I did. Bloody fun, it was, it was."

"I didn't hear anything fun," Cooper scowls, "I'd say it was a shame, fool."

Judd smiles, and shakes his head, "Hehehe, is that so, mate?"

"I ain't ya mate, homeboy," Cooper crosses his arms.

Judd smiles, deviously, "And I ain't your homeboy, mate."

Cooper nods, "Regardless, I don't think you're setting a very good example. Violence isn't something to be promoted, you feel me, homes?"

"And I suppose you got them scars from peace rally, then?" Judd taps Cooper's shoulder.

"That isn't really your business, Judd," Cooper grasps the punk's wrist, firmly, and slowly moves it away from his shoulder scar.

"Suit ya'self, then," Judd shrugs, and walks backwards towards Katherine, keeping his eyes on Cooper, "Now where were we, my lovely little bird?"

"Pfff, how mainstream," an oddly dressed girl says, from beside Cooper, "Minus ten, bro."

"What? Who are you? Why are you standing next to me?" Cooper steps back, surprised by the girl's presences.

"Paranoia? Top shelf. Plus six," the girl nods, in approval. The furry cap that she wears begins to tip forward, further obscuring her already well hidden forehead. Tipping it back and adjusting her glasses, she says, "My name, or whatever, is Diamond. I'm on a show, or whatever. I'm totally not commited to it, though. Noncommitment reality shows are toats bombshell."

"Were...those words?" Katherine asks, while hanging onto Judd's arm. The punk shrugs.

Diamond sizes up the punk, "Fish hook through the lip? So mainstream. The missing finger is a pretty slamming accessory, though."

"How can it be an accessory if it isn't there?" Erica asks.

"Like, OMGod, it's an abstract accessory. But you've probably never heard of that," Diamond flips her hair off of her shoulder. Erica scowls, and folds her arms.

"Nice hat," Jeffrey pops out, as he had been known to do, "It's pretty sweet, I must say. I have one just like it!" Diamond immediately removes the hat, tosses it to the ground, and spits on it. Jeffrey continues, "Except mine is green with cyan stripes," Jeffrey adds. Diamond smiles, picks the hat up and places it firmly on her head.

"Not going to clean the sand or spit off it, are you?" Wheeler asks, slightly grossed out.

"Pfff. The sand and spit are like, toats metaphoricfor the inequal spread of wealth in the Western world. But, I wouldn't expect a mainstreamer like you to know that," Diamond laughs to herself, quietly, "Well played, Diamond. Plus seventy-seven."

"Okay, you guys got me," Marvin smiles, wide, "I know you were pulling my leg. This has to be a scripted show, because there is no way someone as annoying as her actually exists. Oh, boy. You guys got me, good."

"Uh...sure," Robin's voice drones, "You sure caught us."

"Duped by mainstreamers? Minus twelve, garcon," Diamond shakes her head with disapproval.

"Um...Hi, everyone," a fairly tall, shy looking boy who is dressed in considerably nice clothes, pokes between the teens, "This is the island for Pacific Island, I hope."

"Ah, welcome to the show, Sawyer," Dirk pats the boy on the back. Sawyer smiles, revealing a gap between his front teeth, "Sawyer, here, is this season's Richie Rich."

"'Ello easy target," Judd chuckles to himself. Sawyer looks nervous for a split second, but quickly regains his composure.

"Ah, Sawyer may be rich, but he's not playing for himself. No, no, Sawyer has chosen to donate the money to charity, should he win," Dirk adds, causing the once laughing punk to frown.

"Aww, that's so sweet, Sawyer, is it?" Brittney says, "I hope you're donation is going to a worthy cause. The Stormsoldier Retirement Fund comes to mind, personally."

"Ah, I'm sure that is a noble organization," Sawyer smiles, "But I'm playing for one of my personal favorites...the Rupert Dawg Foundation For Homeless Rascals."

"Oh, man. Who writes your lines?" Marvin shakes his head, and lays a hand on Sawyer's shoulder, "Because I would fire them. With hair like that, you could play much better characters."

"I...I beg your pardon?" Sawyer looks at the taller boy, rightly confused.

Marvin rolls his eyes, "You call that a delivery? Put some emotion into it, boy. And what is with that gap? You're pushing innocent waaaay too hard, boy. I'm make an appointment to have that hole filled in."

"I'm eighteen, stop calling me 'boy'," Sawyer says, trying not to look overly angry, "And I happen to like my gap."

"Whatever you say," Marvin shrugs, and begins walking away, "But with that attitude, you'll never be a leading man. Enjoy playing bit characters for the rest of your career."

"Who was that increasingly aggravating young man?" Sawyer looks to the other contestants. The anger has fled from his face, replaced by a naive shyness.

"Marvin," Cooper says with annoyance, "The idiot thinks this is a scripted show."

"How...," Marvin holds his chin as he searches for the correct word, "Interesting."

"Straight up. Anyway, nice to meet you. I'm Cooper," the gangster youth extends a friendly hand, which Sawyer takes.

"You know what I think?" a sensual, slightly accented voice blows through the boys like a cool breeze.

"Who are you? And how do you people keep arriving without anyone noticing?" Dirk McGrath, rattled by the strange voice, flips through what is left of his notecards, "Let me see...Paxton, Lori, Antonio...Kirk, Martina, Marvin...Judd, Diamond, Sawyer...You must be Meredith, our resident sassy chick."

"I don't like your tone," Meredith snaps her fingers, "But yes, Meredith is me."

"I am Meredith," Lori corrects, smiling at the last contestant.

"Are you saying I'm estupida, amiga?" Meredith folds her arms, looking quite intimidating. Lori maintains a smile, but quickly shrinks back in fear.

Quivering, Lori replies, "No...I was just...Don't hurt me! I am but a girl!" Meredith rolls her eyes, and walks past the lump of cowering Lori.

"As I was saying, I'm Meredith. And as I was saying before that, I think that big blonde jerk needs a serious reality check," Meredith raises a sassy eyebrow, sassily. As he is prone to do, Jeffrey bolts up to the attractive female.

"I like your rose! You're really bea-," Jeffrey begins his ritualistic suck-up, but finger dripping with sass taps his lips, stopping him. Meredith smiles.

"You're very kind, sir, but I do not need a man to tell me how I look," Meredith removes her finger, and turns away. Jeffrey blushes, and sinks back into the group. Kirk, walking with a still sullen Martina and an extremely stressed looking Hudson, returns to the group.

"Not one thing! I couldn't find out one thing about that girl!" Hudson weeps, openly. Kirk, concerned, steps a few feet away.

Patting Jeffrey on the back, Kirk asks, "Hey, what did we miss?" Jeffrey sighs, but does not answer him. Dirk forces himself between the two.

"Why, you missed the arrival of our final contestant! And now it is time to end the episode! I think?" Dirk double checks his notes, "Yep, I was right."

"What? But we haven't even picked the teams," Meredith complains, her eyes blazing with annoyance.

"True, but we did go seventeen minutes over schedule, so we'll have to say that for next episode. Anyway, join us next time for the dramatic first challenge and the selection of teams! Only here, on Total...Drama...Pacific Island!" Dirk calls out the last lines of the episode triumphantly, before dropping his script to the ground and walking off.

Picking up the discarded script, Marvin notes, "This all seems very abrupt."

The camera cuts out.


	2. Chapter 2

_Previously, on Total Drama: Pacific Island, the twenty-two teens chosen to compete for the three million dollar prize, Wheeler, Jeffrey, Brittney, Erica, Paxton, Lori, Antonio, Christy, Broderick, Nora, Cooper, Katherine, Hudson, Robin, Kirk, Martina, Marvin, Barbara, Judd, Diamond, Sawyer, and Meredith, arrived on Paradise Isle. There were friendships and some shakey starts, and plenty of build up for future drama. Now the teens will be organized into two teams and compete in the season's first challenge. Who will win? Who will be sent home? Find out here, on Total...Drama...Pacific Island!_

"Welcome back to Total Drama: Paradise Isle!" Dirk McGrath, still sunburnt and sandy, faces the camera.

Marvin interjects, "I thought this season was Pacific Island, and the island we're on is known as Paradise Isle?"

"Uhhh," Dirk stalls, and checks his notecards, "Correct. I was just testing you. And since you were the only one to notice, I'll let you pick your team."

"You people haven't even written the teams, yet? What kind of production are you running, anyway? How far have you gotten?" Marvin, shocked and annoyed, pressures the amateur host for answers.

"Uh...well, episode one is a wrap. I'd say we're about two minutes into episode two, give or take a minute or two," Dirk backs away, confused by Marvin's outlash.

"Well, great. That's just great," Marvin kicks up some sand, "Is there catering here? I could go for some bottled water, and maybe some of those little finger sammiches," Marvin thinks to himself for a few seconds, and then turns to Sawyer, "Was that blue collar enough? Blue collar people drink bottled water and eat finger sandwiches, and use ignorant words like 'sammiches', don't they?"

"Well, good sir," Sawyer begins, "I'd say that you were quite offensive, if not confirming your own ignorance with every last word."

Marvin smirks and pumps his fist into the air, "Ha-HA! I totally pulled off blue collar, then. Oh, Marvin Travolta, you are one talented thespian."

"Anyway...," Dirk begins, trying to regain control of the show, "The producers have randomly selected a hot girl to pick the other team. Erica, congratulations."

"Oh, well, thank you kindly, sir," Erica replies, looking less than thrilled. Rubbing her arm nervously, she continues, "Will Marvin and I be considered team captains, then?"

Dirk flips through more notecards, "Let me see...nope. This is just a one time thing for picking teams. Also, once the teams are chosen, I'll reveal the location of the confessional, as well as your camp. So, everyone besides Marvin and Erica, line up on the other side of that crooked stick."

"That isn't a stick," Brittney says, backing away from the false stick, "It looks more like a Neptunian slither viper...," Brittney continues backing away, finally stopping when she notices the confused expressions of the other contestants, "Uh...you know, a snake. Come on, guys...I've been practicing this character for months."

"Ah!" Marvin gasps, "A fellow thespian! Tell me, where did you train?"

"Comicon," Brittney shrugs, while keeping an eye on the snake.

Marvin nods, "Interesting, interesting. I've never heard of their theater department. Care to expand on that issue? Was that intelligent? I was going for sort of a 'brainy hunk' kind of act. I still haven't decided which I'm going to use. Of course, there's always 'shirtless beefcake'..."

"Whoooooa," Paxton calmly walks between the two, with Broderick close behind. The slacker protests, "Hey, bro. I know you're kind of newish, so I'll let that one slide. But, you like, have to learn the ropes and stuff, my man. The shirtless beefcake role is currently el occupado by me and my bro," Paxton fist-bumps Broderick, and the two tear their shirts off.

"Yeah? Yeah? You like what you see? You can't touch this, bro. You can't touch this. Uh. Uh. You ain't nothing," Broderick circles the increasingly confused Marvin, pecs flexing away, "Hahahahaha!" Broderick raises a triumphant eyebrow, and his pecs continue to flex in rhythm with his laughter.

"Did everyone just forget about the snake?" Brittney calls, from a safe distance away, "I'm pretty sure it's poisonous..."

Tapping the nerdly beauty on her costumed shoulder, Wheeler adds, "Snakes are venomous, not poisonous."

Marvin, Broderick, and Paxton stop their confronation, and glance the ground. The snake slithers between the three boys, and raises its head up, curiously. Marvin quickly faints, and Paxton lets out an embarassingly high pitched scream, leaping into Broderick's arms as he does so.

"Beautiful people for themselves!" Broderick, carrying his fellow shirt-offer, runs past the rest of the cast. As he passes, he calls out, "Lori, you can stay or go."

"Okay, everyone stay calm. The snake is probably as afraid of us as Broderick and Paxton are of it," Erica says, directing the other contestants to step back. Taking a closer look, she chuckles to herself, "This is a king snake. It's totally harmless, everyone."

"Now that this totally unnecessary event is over and done with, let's get to the team pickin'," Dirk checks his notes, "Yeah. We're still on schedule. Now, as I was saying before, line up on the other side of that snake. Oh, I forgot to mention something. You aren't picking your own team. Anyone you choose will become part of the other team."

"Speak-a da English," Marvin sighs, annoyed, "I don't have time for your riddles. I want to start filming before the sun bleaches my hair."

"You're already blonde," Wheeler adds. Marvin makes a fist, and shoos the pudgey rocker away.

"Okay, obviously you don't understand. Frankly, I'm not surprised," Dirk rolls his eyes, "Here's an example. Erica chooses Antonio. Antonio would then be on your team, Marvin. Then let's say you pick Christy. Christy would go to Erica's team. See, the advantage here would be giving your opponent all the crappy contestants."

"Yeah, but they'd give you some, too," Wheeler states, yawning.

Dirk looks confused, "I'm not sure why you're butting in, Scooter. You're one of the ones I was referring to," Dirk shrugs, and Wheeler blushes indignantly.

"Alright, let's play the game, then. The sooner we start filming, the sooner I can be shown to my trailer," Marvin cracks his knuckles, and thinks for a second. Dirk approaches, and taps the failed thespian on the shoulder, "What can I do ya fer, boyo? And, before you ask your question, tell me what you think of my hick-speak."

"It was terrible. Anyhoozle, I hate to be the one to break this to you...again. But, we're filming a reality show. Not a scripted reality show. Not a scripted drama. A. Real. Reality. Show. Listen to my words...this is real," Dirk pulls Marvin by his cheek until they are at eye level. Marvin begins to sweat.

"Nooo...," Marvin falls to his knees, "This was going to be my comeback..."

"Well, I mean, people do get famous from these things, sometimes kinda-ish," Dirk shrugs again, and walks away, clearly uninterested in Marvin's emotional breakdown.

"I...reckon I'll go first, then," Erica, concerned, watches Marvin as he lays face down in the sand. Erica turns back to the twenty options standing in front of her, "Marvin can have Antonio."

"Interesting choice," Dirk nods his head, "But I forgot to mention that we're picking school yard style. Since Marvin is a dude...well, we're pretty sure he is, you have to pick a girl for his team. Next pick can be a bro, though."

Erica sighs, displeased that the nerdling remains in play. Looking over her options, Erica makes her choice, "Marvin can have Robin."

Her face unchanged as she trots towards her new team, Robin's breezily eerie voice moves along the beach, "The very first choice? Petite moi? Tres fantastique," Robin, arms crossed and face etched with a forbiddening blank stare, stands statue-still next to the wallowing puddle of Marvin.

"Um...um," Marvin begins to pick himself up, "She...the girl can have...that kid," Marvin tosses an uncaring finger out. Kirk and Antonio look at each other, for a moment, waiting for some kind of clarification.

"Did you mean Antonio, or me?" Kirk asks, but receives no reply. Kirk turns to Dirk, "Well?"

"Hmmm," Dirk ponders for a moment and glances to Erica. Erica's eyes are wide and watching intently, her lips mouth the word 'Kirk', repeatedly. Dirk nods, "I'm pretty sure he meant Antonio."

"Oh joy!" Antonio pops a fist into the air, and charges towards Erica. The southern belle smiles politely, but the dissatisfcation is still clear in her eyes.

Antonio hugs Erica, tight. The belle grimaces slightly, and tries to push him away. The nerd's arms are stronger than they appear, Erica is trapped. Accepting her fate, Erica continues, "Marvin can take...Judd."

"Gah!" Dirk slaps his own forehead, "Stupid notecards! I was suppose to pick teams...you get to pick your beds! Oh, well. I'm sure that's a common mistake."

"How...could you possibly...have confused the word 'team' with the word 'bed'? And, what about all the specifications for picking teams? Did you confused that with something?" Meredith glares at the host, as do most of the contestants.

"Uh...actually, there isn't anything on the notecards about that. I was just trying to mix it up, a little," Dirk shrugs, "To make it up to you, I'll let you name your teams. Without further delay...the first team is Judd, Lori, Sawyer, Katherine, Cooper, Robin, Marvin, Christy, Paxton, Barbara, and Wheeler," Dirk directs the first group to stand to his left, "Your team color will be this lime greenish color we saw in the water."

"That isn't healthy," Wheeler points out, "I mean, what if it's from a red tide or something?"

"What are you, some kind of a mook? Red tides can't be green," Dirk shoves the mistreated musician away and continues, "Which means that the other team is-"

"Everyone else?" Robin mutters, under her breath.

"I heard that! I have very good hearing. Now, before Ms. Sunshine here interrupted me, I was going to say that the other team is made up of Meredith, Jeffrey, Erica, Antonio, Martina, Kirk, Nora, Iceman, Diamond, Hudson, and Brittney."

"Wait...you realize that the choices we made ended up being consistant with the actual teams?" Erica states, "How weird is that?" From behind, Antonio slips his arms around Erica's waist once again.

"Helllllo, teammate," Antonio says, lovingly.

Sighing with certain displeasure, Erica replies, "Antonio, please let me go."

"Your team will use this wicked sweet blue color we found on the internet," Dirk hands the team a pole that has a flag attached to it.

"Favoritism, much?" Robin mutters. Some of her allies nod in agreement.

"What's favoritism?" Paxton asks, rubbing his five o'clock shadow. The rest of the team sighs collectively.

"I weep for your futuuuuure," Robin pat's the slacker on his checkered back, "It's going to be roooough."

Paxton scoffs, "Wanna bet?"

"Okay, okay," Dirk butts between the two, "We're waaaay behind, now. So, let me show you where the confessional is, and where all of you will be staying during the game."

"Didn't you say we were on schedule? What...did we skip time? Stupid tin foil hat! I knew you were working against me!" Nora tears the head ornament away, crumples it, and tosses it over her shoulder, where it hits Wheeler in the face.

"Time travel is totes nineteen eighty-five," Diamond scoffs at first, and then thinks to herself, "Way supreme retro radsies."

Martina looks at the girl, oddly, "You don't like real words, do you?"

"Uhhhhhm, like, epic no! English is soooo mainstream. If I could speak like, Gaelic or Latin, I def would," Diamond cocks her head to the side, allowing sand to fall out of her puffy hat. Martina backs away, hands raised in defense.

"Yeah, I did. But I just remember that I have tickets to watch 'Sprinkle Man' Gary Ravage and Jake the Rake at Rasslemania,"

As the contestants follow Dirk into the island's lush jungle, Hudson eyes Broderick suspiciously, "Excuse me, my good man. Is your tan real? It appears much too even for this hawkeye to believe."

"For sure, broseph. My love affair with faux tanning products ended in the late nineties," Broderick pounds one of his pecks, and smiles confidently.

Dirk stops, abruptly, "See that little room? That's this season's confessional. Feel free to use it at your leisure," as soon as Dirk finishes, Hudson rushes into the confessional and slams the door.

-Confessional- Hudson pants, "Okay...I've got it. Mysteriously perfect tan, nickname tattooed on his chest, open shirt, toe ring, FAUX-HAWK...Broderick is the gangster. I'm sure of it," Hudson shifts his eyes back and forth, "Annnnd, he's on my team...I'll have to be extra careful, if I want to outsmart him. He looks like a crafty one."-Confessional-

Hudson exits the confessional, and sees Broderick flexing his chest while talking with Paxton, "And that's how I won Mr. Canada for the third straight time in my fantasy."

"Cool story, bro. Tell it again," Paxton high fives his friend, and waits for the story to restart.

"You know it, bro. So there I was...watching Canada's Next Top Moose...and I thought, why not me?" Broderick points to himself. Paxton squeals with excitement.

"Oi, out o' me way, ladies," Judd brushes past the two boys, and stops next to Katherine, "'Ello there, love."

Katherine, blushing and giggling, says, "Oh, hello, Judd. What's on your mind?"

"Oh, I was jus' thinking that you're quite the tasty bird," Judd winks, and sets his arm around Katherine's shoulder. The frizzy haired female smiles, pleased. From behind, Antonio watches, and smiles.

"So, Erica," Antonio spits in his hand, and slicks his hair back, "I was just thinking...you're one appealing hen, if I do say so myself," Antonio takes Erica's hand with the hand he spit in, and smiles expectantly.

-Confessional- Antonio appears, with a bright red handprint on his right cheek, "I don't get it...what did I say wrong? Maybe I should offer her a Flintrock vitamin...," Antonio thinks for a moment, "No, no. Those are allll for daddy," Antonio smiles wide, and points to himself. -Confessional-

"Welp, here we are, ladies and thuggish looking men," Dirk throws his arms out, showcasing two large tree houses.

"Why are they in the trees?" Katherine asks, as the group climbs the ladder up to one of the houses, "I'm not fond of heights..."

"Well, there are lots of snakes in this jungle," Dirk says, as they reach the top, "We thought you'd be safer in the trees, since snakes can't climb."

"Sure they can," Wheeler says, "Look, one is up here right now, eating Jeffrey," Wheeler points, and the group looks to the side, where a large python is constricting the sycophant.

"Whoa!" Jeffrey's voice is much more high pitched than normal, "You got some muscles in those coils, bro! Nice job on compressing my rib cage! I've never been constricted as thoroughly as right now!" Jeffrey smiles, and the python bites his dreadlocks, "Nice jaw movement, bro," Jeffrey winces, as the snake works its jaws around his hair. Meredith, scowling, walks towards the snake, and sprays it with a can of mace. The python releases Jeffrey, and barrels into the treetops.

"Chico, you need to be less accepting of things that want to eat you. I mean, look at you! You're missing three dreadlocks and you probably have some broken ribs," Meredith taps her foot, impatiently, "It looks like I'm going to have to teach you to be more assertive."

"Thanks for the help!" Jeffrey exclaims, "It's so thoughtful of you to-"

Meredith taps her finger on Jeffrey's mouth, and he stops talking. Moving her hand away, Meredith says, "Only thank me if you truly want my help. You're getting help either way, though."

"Uh...hehehe," Jeffrey begins to sweat, and laughs nervously, as Meredith drags him back to the group.

"Wow. I can't believe we all stopped what we were doing just so we could wait for those two to come back and here the explanation of how things will run...also, it surprises me that no one else tried to help that guy...my God, we're sick," Dirk says, ashamed, "Anyway, all of the girls will live in the left house, all of the guys will board in the right."

"Wait, we're living with the other team?" Cooper crosses his arms, and checks out the other team's males. Panning from Broderick to Hudson, and Hudson to Antonio, Jeffrey, and Kirk, Cooper shakes his head.

"Indeed you are, urban youth," Dirk replies, his word choice prompting Cooper to raise an eyebrow, "The producers think that by having you board with the other team, the merge will be more interesting."

"Oh, I get it," Cooper nods, "You want to play friendship against team loyalty. Very underhanded, McGrath."

"Oh, wow. I didn't even think of that. The producers just didn't want dudes and chicks sleeping in the same house. But yeah, your idea is better," Dirk takes a pencil out of his pocket and crosses something off of one of his many notecards, and writes something else in its place. Cooper slaps his own forehead, and walks away from the amateur host. Dirk flips the notecard over, "Okay, now, everyone settle in. It's time for Rasslemania, so...Peace out, children."

The teens watch as a helicopter moves into view, above them. A rope ladder drops down, and Dirk latches on. Slowly, the helicopter gains altitude and Dirk disappears into the sky. All is quiet for a few minutes, before finally Lori breaks the silence, "That was weird."

"Ugly chick is right," Broderick says. The rest of the competitors, except for Kirk, Robin, Cooper, and Lori, nod in agreement.

"Hey, man. Where do you get off insulting her all the time?" Kirk taps Broderick's well oiled shoulder. The tool spins around to meet Mr. Cool.

"What do you mean?" Broderick chuckles at first, "Iceman's just playing around, you know?"

"That may be," Kirk says, crossing his arms, "But did you consider Lori's feelings?"

The Iceman looks confused by the conversation, "Who is Lori? And what, are you a teacher or something?" Broderick laughs, and begins turning back around.

Kirk walks around, and faces Broderick again. His voice is still calm, but persists, "No, but don't you think you should apologize?"

Now annoyed, Broderick scoffs, "Uh, thanks dad. I'll consider it," the ice-cold Iceman pushes past Kirk, and enters the boy's tree house.

The cool boy has begun to lose his cool, his face clearly offended, "Hey! Hey! Don't walk away from me!" Kirk calls out, but Broderick ignores him. Sighing, Kirk stops, and leans against the side of his tree house. Looking up for a moment, he sees the ghostly figure of Robin watching him from the girl's tree house. Before he can speak, she turns away and leave.

"Excuse me?" a small, curious voice pops in from the side. Kirk glances over and sees Lori. The girl continues, "I'd just like to thank you. No one has ever stood up for me, before. I'm...," Lori laughs, awkwardly, "Not really sure how thank you."

"You don't need to thank me," Kirk smiles, faintly, "I'd like to think that if I hadn't said anything, someone else would have."

Lori frowns, "I'm not so sure...but again, thank you. I know we were placed on different teams...but I'd like to think we could be friends, couldn't we?" Kirk nods, and smiles a little less faintly. Lori's smile returns, "Well, I should probably go set up shop, before all the good beds are taking. I'll see you around?" Kirk nods again, and the two part ways.

-Confessional- Kirk sighs, "I think I did the right thing. But, I think I may have also screwed myself. Broderick is pretty popular, so he's got a lot of influence on both teams, I would say." -Confessional-

Walking into the guy's tree house, Kirk sees that the beds have already been chosen. There are five sets of bunk beds, and one single. Paxton and Broderick are teamed for the first set, with Cooper and Antonio in the second, Hudson and Judd have taken the third. In the fourth, Jeffrey and Sawyer are settled in. The single is occupied by a snivelling Marvin. Looking to his left, Kirk sees that the only remaining bed is with Wheeler. Without a word, Kirk walks further into the room, and climbs the ladder to the top bunk.

"So...," Sawyer says, breaking the tension of Kirk's entrance, "As I was saying. Jeffrey, my good man, how is that ribcage or your's?"

Jeffrey laughs, but starts to cough violently. Weezing, he replies, "Hoooo boy! That snake sure was an expert at compressing and suffocating prey. I tell you, it feels like my ribs are on fire!"

"Don't you think you should get some medical attention?" Kirk leans over the side of the bunk, looking at Jeffrey.

"Umm," Jeffrey looks at the other guys, searching for an answer. Finally, as everyone begins to stare at him awkwardly, he replies, "Thanks for noticing! You...you sure have an eye for...medical stuff!"

"Ooooh, watch out, boys! Dad thinks Jeffrey needs 'medical assistance'! What are we, twelve? We can take our internal wounds like men!" Broderick scoffs at Kirk, as the rest of the boys laugh. Kirk turns away, and quietly lays his head down on his pillow.

The camera changes to the girl's tree house, which also has five bunks and one single. Some of the girls stare awkwardly at Katherine. Noticing their stares as she unpacks and settles in, Katherine asks, "What?"

"Well," Erica says, "Some of the girls were a little nervous that you'd be...you know, checking them out, when they changed for bed, and things like that," as Erica speaks, some of the other girls nod.

"Oh, I see what this is. You think just because I like girls, that I'm attracted to everyone I see," Katherine crosses her arms.

"No, it isn't that," Brittney says, "But, it's like the she-serpents of nebula-x."

"No one understands what you're talking about, chica," Meredith says, calmly.

Rolling her eyes, Brittney says, "I can never keep in-character around you people. The she-serpents are evil charmers that trap the souls of any man or woman that falls victim to their...charm."

"So..., I'm evil because I like girls?" Katherine frowns, slightly angry.

"No, no," Erica says, "Brittney does not speak for all of us. Just, we respect your orientation, respect ours, okay?"

"You haven't respected mine," Katherine points out.

"Okay, well, how about we make a deal, now? We respect yours, you respect ours?" Brittney says.

"I already said I wouldn't make an advance towards any of you, when I got here. Remember?" Katherine rolls her eyes, and turns away.

"We just wanted to make sure...," Christy says.

-Confessional- "We certainly could have handled that better. I mean, darn it...I'm suppose to be a team player," Christy slaps her forehead, "Bad, bad Christy!" -Confessional-

The girls settle in, awkwardly, as the sun sets over Paradise Isle. The next day, Dirk McGrath wanders through the jungle, with a foam finger and a Rasslemania t-shirt. His eyes are blood shot, and his beard has bits of pretzel and hoagie scattered throughout. Wobbling from lack of sleep, or overconsumption of sugary food stuffs, Dirk struggles to lift the megaphone that rests in his free hand. He finally manages to do so, "Okay...g'mornin'...meet down here in like, five minutes or something. It's time for the first ch-...," Dirk moves the megaphone away, and vomits in a nearby bush, "Challenge."

Groggily, the contestants file out one-by-one, and work their way down the ladder leading to the ground, below. As they reach the bottom, they separate into their teams and await further instruction. Dirk nods, and checks his notes, "Oh. I forgot to tell you to change into your swimsuits before you came down," Dirk snaps, and, eyes squinting and frowns growing larger, the teens file back up to change.

Once again, the contestants file back down, now in their swimwear. Judd, wearing only his Union Jack swim trunks, gets some odd stares.

"What is that scar from?" Barbara asks, "It looks pr-p,-puh," Barbara struggles with the word, stopping for a second and taking a deep breath, "Pretty bad."

"Oh, this little ticket? Me and me mate were strolling the lane, yeah?" Judd pats the scar, affectionately, "And this little tart comes up and starts showing his colors, yeah, so's I says to 'im, back off. He don't. That's when the knives came out. Teached that little bugger what for, I did."

"You're so brave," Katherine says, blushing.

-Confessional- "It's a shame, ya'll," Cooper sits in the confessional, "That someone would glorify street violence like Judd does. I've been in my share of fights, I'd be lying if I said I didn't. But I ain't proud of it. That ain't something you should brag about. And that Katherine girl, I've seen honies like her. They think 'the life' is exciting," Cooper shakes his head, "That's not what life is about." -Confessional-

"Enough fawning over Judd's cool scars and lack of fingers," Dirk says, "Now, if you'll follow me," Dirk begins leading the contestants through the jungle. A short time later, they reach a small cliff, "This is your first challenge. Down below is a sunken pirate ship. Within that ship is a blue bag, and a green bag. The blue bag is for team...," Dirk thinks for a moment, "Oh, crap. I forgot to have you pick your names. Well, it's too late now. The blue team is Team Rapscallion...and the green team is...The Sissy Chicken Babies."

"Whaaaaat?" Broderick protests, "I am NOT a sissy or a chicken. And I haven't been a baby in seventeen years. That life is behind me now," Broderick narrows his eyes.

"We're the blue team," Martina points out.

"Oh," Broderick turns to The Sissy Chicken Babies, "Enjoy the crappy name, yo! Iceman is pleased."

"Anyway," Dirk interjects, "One person from your team will need to dive down into the ship, and bring back the bag that matches your team's color. The bags are filled with puzzle pieces, which the other ten members of your team must fit together. The first team to correctly put their puzzle together wins invincibility. The losing team...loses. And also, someone has to like, leave or something."

"SCB chooses...Wheeler," Marvin puts his hand on Wheeler's back, and shoves him forward.

"What? We decided on Christy!" Wheeler calls out, as he stumbles forward.

"Nice man-boobs, guy," Broderick says, "Next time, borrow a bra," Broderick snickers, as do a few others. Wheeler blushes, and steps back into his team.

"I...I don't want to do this," Wheeler says, nervously, "I'm...not a good swimmer."

"It's okay, Wheeler. Christy will dive, for our team," Cooper pats Wheeler on the back, "Christy, you're down with that, right?"

"Absolutely," Christy sits down, and begins doing stretches, "Come on, Christy, you can do this. Don't fail, this time."

"Christy is diving for the Sissy Chicken Babies," Dirk calls out, "Who will be diving for the Rapscallions?"

"Kurt can dive," Broderick says, not really paying attention. The rest of the team looks at Kirk.

"Uh...I'm not really a strong swimmer," Kirk says, "I think it would be a mistake to have me as the diver."

Broderick rolls his eyes, "Way to let the team down, Kurt."

Erica and Antonio lays their hands on each of Kirk's shoulders. Erica says, "If Kirk doesn't think he can win for us, we shouldn't make him try."

"What the babe said," Antonio says, in agreement. He looks to the side, and sees Cooper shaking his head, "Uh, I mean, I agree with Erica, on this matter."

"I'll do it," Martina slowly raises her hand.

"Are you on our team? I don't remember you," Broderick scratches his head, "Ohhh, yeah, you're that girl who didn't like my pecs. Hey, Hudson, how is that investigation going?"

"Results pending," Hudson's eyes shift back and forth.

"You get back to me when you find something out. I wouldn't be paying you with my own personal brand of pec lotion if this wasn't serious," Broderick pulls a bottle out from his swimsuit. The bottle has picture of Broderick's pecs, with a glob of lotion. The glob has a face, and is giving a thumbs up.

"Ohhh," Hudson eyes the bottle, "My pecs are going to be so aweeesome."

"People, come on...we're getting way behind schedule, here," Dirk complains, "And don't talk so loud...my sugar high is wearing off, and it's giving me the biggest headache this side of Fiji."

"Okay, okay, we're ready," Christy stands up, finished with her stretches. The femlete and Martina stand at the edge of the cliff, awaiting the signal to jump.

"On my mark...get set...three...two...one...," Dirk counts down, as the divers stand still, "Go!"

Christy dives down, perfectly, catapulting herself deep into the lagoon. Martina holds her nose, and jumps down feet-first. The other twenty contestants wait nervously above the water, watching and waiting. Paxton approaches Broderick, "Hey, bro."

Broderick, smiling, fist bumps his friend, "My man! What is up? Hey, sucks we're on different teams, am I right or am I right?"

"Yeah, man," Paxton's voice, ever calm and cool, rings with a certain uncertainty, "That Wheeler guy...you think maybe, you were a little harsh?"

Broderick continues to smile, but looks slightly confused, "Wha...what do you mean, bro? I was just having some fun, you know? Didn't you hear everyone laugh?"

"Yeah," Paxton nods, "I did. But still, I think it would be pretty chill if you said you were sorry."

"Why would I do that? I didn't do anything wrong, bro," Broderick's smile begins to fade, and his confusion becomes more apparent.

"Look, Ice," Paxton pats the confused metro on the back, "I think you hurt his feelings. It happens, you know? Just, say you're sorry."

"I don't understand...they laughed," Broderick backs away from Paxton, "Look, I don't know what your damage is, bro. I thought we were friends."

"We are friends," Paxton says, "That's why I'm telling you this, man..."

Broderick shakes his head, and lifts a hand, "Look, I don't want to hear it...I get what this is. We're on different teams, so now you want to mess with my head. Well it isn't going to work. No one can accuse Broderick Tanner of being a fool, no sir."

"Bro, c'mon," Paxton tries to walk closer to Broderick, but the Iceman stops him.

"Get away, Pax," Broderick sticks a finger in Paxton's face, "Just, get away."

Saddened by his former friend's aggression, Paxton slowly nods, and walks back to his team. Broderick relaxes a little, and sighs. Shaking his head, Broderick slowly walks off, to be by himself.

-Confessional- "I don't know what I said," Paxton ponders, "Iceman just...I don't even know how to put it into words." -Confessional-

-Confessional- "I can't believe Pax, y'know? I thought he was my friend. Friends are suppose to have your back...," Broderick sighs, and runs his face through his hands, "We could have been really good friends." -Confessional-

With no sign of Christy or Martina, the contestants continue to wait. Wheeler, who is waiting by himself, looks down at his excessive mass with displeasure. Barbara approaches him, from behind. Sitting down next to him, she calmly states, "I like _Mutant Sheeps_."

Perking up, slightly, Wheeler turns his head, "You do? I'm surprised that you've heard of them. They're not that popular, yet."

Barbara nods, "I've liked them for a little while, n-nuh-now," the girl blushes, embarassed that her stutter has once again invaded her conversation.

"Hey," Wheeler says, slowly, "You don't have to be embarassed."

"What do you mean? I'm not embarassed to like an underground band," Barbara turns herself away, slightly.

"You know that isn't what I meant," Wheeler persists, "I mean, you don't have to be embarassed about your stutter. I notice that you blush, everytime it happens."

"I'm not embarassed," Barbara insists, frowning as she does so.

Wheeler nods his head, "Well, I'm just saying, then. Just to make sure. But you know, I don't think it's that big of a deal."

"Some would disagree," Barbara frowns again, but looks Wheeler in the eye, "Okay, m-m-. Maybe I am embarassed by it. Not really that I have a s-s-stutter, but they way I think people look at me."

"What do you mean?" Wheeler says, curiously, "No one has made fun of you, have they?"

Barbara blushes, a little more noticeably, "Not here. Not yet. I'd rather not talk about it, if that's alright."

Wheeler nods, "Yeah, yeah, of course. So, tell me something...which _Mutant Sheeps _song is your favorite?" Barbara smiles.

"They sure have been gone a long time," Dirk says, yawning, "I don't think they're dead, though. I haven't seen any blood in the water."

"Unless...you know, they droooowned or something," Robin points out, oddly enough with concern.

"Oh, yeah. There's that," Dirk looks nervously among the contestants, "Well? Someone has to go in after them, right?" As Dirk concludes his sentence, Martina bursts from the water, tossing the bag of puzzle pieces to the top of the small cliff. Christy follows behind, soon after. However, Christy's bag fails to land on the cliff, and falls back down to Christy.

"Come on!" Christy shouts, and tries throwing the bag again. The Rapscallions collect their bag, and begin working on their puzzle. Sawyer waits at the top of the cliff, trying to catch the bag as Christy tosses it.

"That's it, steady now, my dear," Sawyer coaches, as Christy wings the bag towards him. The bag connects with Sawyer's face, knocking him over.

"Sawyer! She knocked your tooth out!" Wheeler says, helping the taller boy to his feet, "Oh, wait. You always had that gap."

"Oh, yes, my good man," Sawyer answers, shakily, "I do believe my gap was quite prominent before this misadventure."

"Enough o' ya fancy words, mate," Judd shoves past Sawyer and takes the bag, "Let's rock n' roll this bloody puzzle."

Sawyer, faces flushed with anger, helps Christy out of the water, "That brute will get his comeuppance, I do believe."

"I can't believe I couldn't make the shot...I'm a basketball player," Christy mopes, as she and Sawyer race towards the rest of their team.

"Okay, I know what the puzzle is," Hudson declares, "Give me that bag," Hudson takes the bag from Erica and begins working.

"Whoa, he's going really fast," Kirk says. Hudson holds up a mismatched puzzle, with pieces forced together. Kirk sighs, "Yeah, I should have seen that coming."

"It's a doggy," Hudson smiles.

-Confessional- "Only my expertly trained eye could have detected such a sly puzzle's...image, thing," Hudson smiles. -Confessional-

"Dirk! Dirk!" Hudson calls out, "We're done!"

"Whoa," Dirk says, repulsed at the heap of smashed together puzzle pieces, "What the heck is that? Since I don't know, obviously it's wrong."

"What?" Hudson gasps, "But...but how could this be?"

"Done!" Wheeler calls out, "We got it! It's a giant scorpion fighting a bunch of natives on top of an active volcano."

"Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!' Dirk concludes, as the Sissy Chicken Babies hold up their puzzle, "The Sissy Chicken Babies are today's winners! Rapscallions, you'll have to meet back here in one hour to vote someone off."

Hudson laughs nervously, as most of the team looks in his direction. -Confessional- "I think, maybe, they're going to vote for me," Hudson scratches his chin, "Further investigation is necessary."

-Confessional- "I'm really happy that I did well in the challenge, today," Martina says, "Even if we didn't win...if felt nice not to have screwed up. I still don't feel very welcome on my team...so I think I'll hang around on the outside, for a few more days." -Confessional-

As Team Rapscallion makes their way back to camp behind the victorious Sissy Chicken Babies, Kirk stops Martina, "Hey, I just wanted to says, nice job."

"Thanks," Martina blushes, and turns from Kirk, "I'm still a little worried about going home, tonight. I don't think I've made a very good impression on the team, so far."

"I wouldn't worry about that," Kirk says, "But I know how you feel. Most of the guys aren't very fond of me, right now. On either team. Just know, if you need to talk to someone, I'm here," Kirk places his hand on Martina's shoulder, and walks away.

-Confessional- "Kirk is really nice. I don't know why the guys would dislike him. I guess he does come off as cold, sometimes," Martina blushes, slightly, "I think he's nice, though." -Confessional-

As Kirk begins walking towards the ladder for the tree house, a voice stops him, "Good luck at eliminatiooon," Kirk turns, and sees Robin relaxing against a banana tree.

"Uh, thanks," Kirk says, nervously. Standing still for a moment, he says, "I...probably shouldn't do this, but come with me."

"What?" Robin says, confused, "Where are you trying to take me?"

"Just, come on. Trust me," Kirk says, and points towards the woods. Hesitantly, Robin follows him into the jungle, "Last night, after the other guys were asleep, I went for a walk. I overheard some of the production crew talking about how we're going to have to find our own food. Those banana trees won't keep us going forever."

"What's your point," Robin says, still curious.

"My point is that I'm going to help you. After I heard that, I went looking for some source of food," Kirk pushes some thick vegetation out of the way, "And I found this," Kirk reveals a small cove. Pointing down into the water, Kirk says, "See? Look down there. Fish, crab, oysters, all sorts of things."

"Why are you showing me this place?" Robin looks at Kirk, suspiciously, "What do you want?"

"We got off to a bad start," Kirk shuffles his foot, kicking up some dust, "I just wanted to show you that I'm not trying to use my coolness to get what I want, or whatever. No one else knows about this place, but I plan on telling my team. If you come here, don't come until after dark."

Robin looks at Kirk, again. Her face is confused, and uncertain, "Why not?"

"If either one of us gets caught, it'll come back to bite the other one, too," Kirk explains.

"Thaaaanks," Robin trails off, unsure of what to says, "I guess...I owe you an apology."

"Don't worry about it," Kirk waves his hand, dismissing the idea, "So...friends?"

Robin laughs, eerily, "Nice try, kiddo," Kirk frowns, but Robin offers, "But we're on the right track."

Kirk smiles, a little more, "Cool, then. We should head back," Robin nods, and Kirk watches as she leaves. After a few minutes, he also leaves. Exiting the jungle, Kirk runs into Broderick.

"Where have you been?" Broderick asks, pushy with his question.

"I...had to pee, bro," Kirk replies, "You know how it is...yo."

"True that," Broderick nods, "Anyway, you missed it. The guys had a big discussion."

"Oh?" Kirk says, surprised.

"Yeah," Broderick nods, "We're forming an all-bro alliance. The girls outnumber us, on this team. That doesn't work, for the Iceman."

"You prefer to be surrounded with dudes, then?" Kirk asks.

Broderick scowls, "Shut up. I just mean, if they decide to band together with girl power, so something stupid like that, we're all in trouble. So, here's who we're voting for..."

Later, at the elimination ceremony, Dirk stands ready with a plate of strawberries, "Strawberries are not native to this island, but we thought it would be a nice reminder of home."

"What happened to marshmallows?" Hudson asks, sadly.

"We also decided to fight child obesity," Dirk clicks his tongue, and points at Hudson. Continuing, he says, "If I call your name and your receive a strawberry, you're safe for another day. If not, you'll have to leave the island immediately. There is a path marked through the jungle. Follow that path, and you'll meet the boat that will escort you out of the boat. You've all voted, so now it's time to hand out the strawberries."

Broderick looks to the guys, who all look back at him, "I wonder who it'll be."

"Quiet, please," Dirk says, "I have to concentrate. Now, Broderick, Jeffrey, and Meredith are safe," Dirk tosses three strawberries out, none of which come close to their targets, "The next batch goes to Antonio, Erica, and Kirk. Here's one for Nora...and Diamond," Dirk slings strawberries to the contestants, missing terribly, "The bottom three is Martina, Hudson, and Brittney."

"Oh, no," Martina says, laying her face in his hands. Hudson sympathetically pats her back.

"The next strawberry is for Hudson, surprise, surprise. Seriously, bro. You should be out," Dirk flicks a strawberry to Hudson, hitting him in the eye. Taking the last strawberry in hand, Dirk says, "This is the final strawberry of the evening. And it's for..."

"Martina," Dirk throws the strawberry over his shoulder, "Whoops."

"What?" Brittney says, confused, "But what did I do?"

"I dunno," Dirk says, shrugging, "I voted for Hudson," Dirk looks at his notes, "Which I wasn't suppose to do."

"This is the worst thing to happen since they decided to kill off Spork," Brittney sighs heavily, and begins walking down the path towards the boat. The Rapscallion girls look generally surprised, glancing at Hudson with disbelief. The defective detective shrugs.

-Confessional- "We decided that Brittney was probably the most liked and athletic girl on the team, based solely on her looks," Broderick nods in the confessional, "And people think I'm just a pretty face." -Confessional-

"And so ends another exciting episode of Total Drama: Pacific Island!" Dirk exclaims, "That's one down, and twenty-one left. Who will go next week? Find out right here, same time, same place!"


	3. Chapter 3

_Previously, on Total Drama: Pacific Island. The day started out with team selection by Erica and Marvin. However, teams had already been preplanned. The two teams formed. The first team, Team Rapscallions, consisted of Nora, Jeffrey, Erica, Kirk, Meredith, Broderick, Martina, Hudson, Brittney, Antonio, and Diamond. The other team, The Sissy Chicken Babies, was made up of Cooper, Katherine, Judd, Robin, Sawyer, Lori, Paxton, Barbara, Marvin, Christy, and Wheeler. Hudson royally screwed up in the challenge, sending Team Rapscallions to elimination. Kirk and Robin had a less than sweet moment by a secret cove. In the end, Hudson was saved from elimination after the guys banded together to form a bro-lliance, leaving Brittney the first contestant to leave Paradise Isle. What will happen on this episode?_

Within the walls of the male treehouse, the Sissy Chicken Babies' males are sitting and waiting. Cooper looks outside for a brief second, "They're still not back, homies. I wonder who got the axe."

"What does it matter?" Marvin sighs, deeply, "Whoever it was...they were lucky," Marvin picks up his pillow and tosses it, "They don't have to be stuck on this stupid island anymore."

"What's your damage, mate?" Judd asks, "You ain't done nothin' but whine the whole bloody time you been here."

"That's easy for you to say, ruffian," Marvin laments, "No one wants to hear your voice."

Judd's face grows fearsome, "What did you say to me, you little bugger?"

The other boys looks on, speechless, as Marvin rises and looks Judd in the eyes, "I'm sorry. I meant to say that people don't expect anything from someone like _you_."

Judd turns around, and walks a few steps away. Balling his fists, Judd turns around and leaps at the antagonistic actor. Leaping into action, Sawyer tackles the punk, holding him back with all the power his frame can muster. Cooper, Paxton and Wheeler stand between the threatened thespian and the brute, incase the former escapes Sawyer's grasp. With Judd threatening Marvin from afar, the thespian makes his move. Cooper, well-versed in the art of attacks, disables the failed actor with little effort.

"Sawyer! Take him outside!" Cooper calls out, as his twists Marvin's arm behind his back, "We'll deal with Marvin!"

"Come on now," Sawyer pulls Judd out of the treehouse, struggling quite hard, "Good sir," as Sawyer removes the wayward rascal, he notices the other team returning from their elimination. Sawyer calls out to his teammates, "The other team is returning! It looks like that sci-fi lady was given the heave-ho!"

"Let...let go 'a me, mate...," Judd struggles against Sawyer's superior strength, writhing and wriggling as hard as he can.

"No," Sawyer says, sternly as he can, "Climb down the ladder. We need to have a talk, man to man," Sawyer stares Judd down, and the punk complies.

"Hey, what's going on, here?" Erica asks, watching Sawyer drag Judd away.

"Oh," Sawyer answers, struggling to move Judd along, "There was a bit of a scuffle in the house, so we're putting some distance between the two parties, so they can cool down."

Hudson taps his chin, "Hmm, so there is some unsolved tension between two of the guys. This looks like a job for-"

"Actually," Sawyer interrupts, "It was quite obvious why they were about to fight," Sawyer pulls Judd along, into the jungle, "Toodles, for now, gents."

"Hudson Tagawa...," Hudson slumps his shoulders, in disappointment. Kirk pats his back, reassuringly.

"Why don't you try and figure out why Nora is so paranoid?" Kirk offers.

"Broderick already has employed my services," Hudson shakes his head, "He wants to know why Meredith isn't attracted to him."

"You mean Martina," Kirk insists. Hudson blushes, and nods.

"Uh, her too," Hudson's eyes dart back and forth, "Nora's the short paranoid one, right?"

Kirk, confused, scratches his head, "Yeah..."

"I'm on it," Hudson darts off, in the opposite direction, passing Nora as he does so. Kirk stands statue still for a moment, before shrugging and walking off.

The Rapscallions climb the ladder up to the tree houses, one by one. Splintering off to their respective housing, the night becomes quiet once again. Meanwhile, in the jungle, however, a tempest is unleashing.

"You don't know what it's like, mate!" Judd busts away from Sawyer's grasp at least, "You've never been on the street!"

Sternly, Sawyer crosses his arms, "That may be, but I've had my share of-,"

"Don't tell me," Judd interrupts, pushing a provoking finger into Sawyer's sternum, "Mommy an' Daddy made you clean the gutters of your mansion once, eh? You poor little dear."

Sawyer's face grows bright red, as if sunburnt. Shaking a little, he keeps his arms crossed. Through gritted teeth, he continues, "I've had my share of tough times. I work for a living, just like you do."

"Behind some cushy desk, no doubt," Judd smirks, "Hard as you try mate, you'll never be an average Joe."

"It's not about changing who I am," Sawyer glares, "It's about perspective. I know the value of hard work. I've lived-,"

Judd groans, running his fingers through his hair, "Ooooh, don't even. No one wants to hear you preach about how upstanding you are, lad. No one wants to hear your story."

Sawyer stares at the punk in disbelief, "You...you hypocrite. I can't believe this."

"What are you gaping at?" Judd crosses his arms, but watches the other boy curiously. His brow lowers, curiously.

"You got so fired up...when Marvin said the same thing," Sawyer slowly walks towards the punk, pointing at him accusingly, "And yet, you would go and say nearly the same thing to someone else."

Flashing back to the tree houses, the females sit awkwardly on their beds, as Dirk enters their domain carrying some planks, nails, a hammer and a photo.

"Dirk...we've had this discussion. You cannot sleep here," Katherine says, nervously, with a hint of displeasure.

"Indeed," Meredith adds, "So take your silly planks and room with the boys. Or on the ground. Whichever is less clean."

Dirk drops his load of materials on the ground, "Ladies, ladies," he says, picking up one of the planks, a few nails, and the hammer, again.

Robin turns her head, "Whhhy would you drop everything if you were just going to pick it up, agaiiiin?"

"I'm glad you asked that, my gothic princess," Dirk winks, and Robin offers her most charming scowl in return. Dirk winces a little, and clears his throat, "Uhm. I forgot the question."

"What are you doing here, estupido?" Meredith crosses her arms, as all the other girls gather around her, doing the same.

"Oh. Well, the cheeky little twist I have planned for this season is that after every elimination, the ousted contestant's bed will be boared up. Then, their photo will be nailed to one of the planks, as a reminder of...them, I guess," Dirk shrugs, and begins boarding up one of the beds.

"Hey," Lori cries out, "That's my bed!"

"Oh," Dirk says, as he continues hammering a nail in, "Well, it's too late now."

"But you only have one nail in!" Lori calls out, in frustration.

"Yeah...but it takes twice as much effort to remove the nail as it does to hammer it in," Dirk shrugs, and reaches for a second nail.

"I'll take it out," Erica begins rolling up her sleeves.

Dirk stops her, "As hot as that would be," Erica raises an eyebrow, as do several other girls, "I really don't like Lori. So it can stay. Lori, you can take Brittney's old bed."

"How...old are you, Dirk?" Christy taps her chin, curiously.

"Nineteen," Dirk says, aimlessly, as he continues working.

"You look like you're thirty," Martina points out.

"I...partied a lot, in high school," Dirk says, his voice full of shame.

"And you dress like Richard Karn," Diamond adds, "That's pretty lamesies. Like, totes mega-anti-alt lamesies to the twenty-sixth power of dork."

Dirk gulps down his pride, "The...the, uh, plaid compliments my figure."

"It would take an optical illusion to compliment anything about you, Dirk," Meredith snaps her figures. Dirk laughs nervously, as he finishes nailing up the final plank. Quickly, he tacks Brittney's picture on one of the boards, and gets up, hastily.

"Uh, 'kay, thanks, gotta go, bye," Dirk rushes out of the tree house, nearly falling over the low wooden railing.

"He won't be back," Barbara nods. After thinking for a moment, she, and all the other present females say in unison, "Yeah he will."

"Has anyone seen Nora?" Martina asks, noticing that the short paranoid one is missing.

"She's the short paranoid one, right? Haven't seen her," Christy shrugs, and then slaps herself in the forehead, "Gah! I should have been paying attention..."

Outside, Hudson tiptoes around the jungle, notepad in hand. Peeking over some bushes, he spies Nora, sitting and writing in a book of some sorts.

"Mental memo," Hudson speaks into his hand, as if it was a tape recorder, "Subject is writing something down. Further observation is needed. Hudson, out...keeeersch," Hudson makes a fake static noise, as his hand goes for the pencil behind his ear.

"What was that?" Nora looks around. Seeing nothing, she shrugs and goes back to writing.

Hudson's eyebrows raise, "Subject is not concerned with strange noise...very suspicious, given their usual behavior."

Nora places the journal on the ground, and lays down on her back, looking up at the sky. Sighing, she closes her eyes and crosses her legs.

"Subject appears off her guard...attempting to retrieve journal," Hudson ducks behind his cover of bushes, and slinks around to Nora's location. Looking around for a way to reach the notebook, which is dangerously close to Nora herself, Hudson spots a puddle of mud.

"Hmm, a disguise...," Hudson strips down to his birthday suit, and rolls around in the mud until he is sufficiently covered, "Oh, snap...," Hudson looks down at his nudity, "Better cover my toolkit...I hope they remember to pixelate me," Hudson, pixelized, grabs a nearby leaf, and slaps it over his 'toolkit', before peering through the bushes.

"Hmm, it's getting late," Nora opens her eyes, "I should probably head back to camp, before it gets too dark to see," Nora stands up and walks towards camp, leaving the notebook behind. Hudson slaps himself in the forehead.

"I can't believe I rolled around in mud for nothing," Hudson grimaces, "Not to mention...this toolkit covering leaf is really itchy...," Hudson's eyes get wide, and he swats the leaf away, "Memo to P.I. Hudson...poison ivy is a poor substitute for undies," the hulking defective detective begins to redress himself. As he finishes, he spots the notebook, and picks it up carefully. Opening it up, the detective's eyes explode with surprise, "Oh...my...goodness. It's too dark to read this thing! Come to think of it...it's too dark to see anything...," Hudson whimpers softly, as the bushes around him begin to rustle, "Aww, man...stuck in the woods with an itchy tookit..."

Back at the male's treehouse, the guys are settling into bed. Paxton looks over at Broderick, nervously, and starts up out of bed, "Hey, Ice. Can I talk to ya for a sec?"

Broderick, still looking a little angry, shrugs, "I guess," Broderick crosses his arms as the two boys step outside the treehouse and into the night.

"Look, Ice," Paxton sighs, "I didn't mean to upset you, bro. I just...I was trying to look out for you, you know?"

Broderick squints at Paxton, "What do you mean?"

"You hurt that guy's feelings, man. And look, we're friends, so I don't want you making too many enemies, you know?" Paxton continues trying to reason with the bronzed Broderick.

Laughing almost to himself, Broderick replies, "Look, Pax, I don't need anyone looking out for me. I mean, look at me. I can take care of myself. I don't have any enemies here, bro."

Paxton lowers his head, but then quickly raises it back up, "Let...lemme put it this way. Not all the bros understand you like I do, man. I know you were joking, but one of the other dudes may have taken it the wrong way, know what I'm saying? They don't know real comedy when they see it."

Broderick laughs aloud, "Ooooh! I get you, bro!"

"Yeah," Paxton smiles, "So, you know, maybe you wanna watch what you say, just in case they misunderstand you again."

Broderick slaps Paxton on the back, "Woo, I was worried that we weren't going to be friends anymore. I see what you mean, Pax. Iceman appreciates the strategistics."

"Uh, yeah," Paxton smiles, "No problemo, Ice."

As the two boys start back to the treehouse, they notice Sawyer and Judd climbing up the ladder. Paxton looks down at them, and motions to Broderick.

"Where were those two?" Broderick asks, "And why was the Iceman not informed sooner?"

"Judd and Marvin had a little blow out before you and your team got back here, man," Paxton whispers, "It almost got ugly."

"Which ones are Jude and Marlon?" Broderick asks, scratching his fauxhawk.

"_Marvin_ is that dude who thought this was a sitcom or something," Paxton whispers. As he does so, Sawyer and Judd pass him and walk into the treehouse, "And _Judd_ was that big guy with the red hair and the accent."

"I getcha, I getcha," Broderick nods his head twice, "Hey, check it out, it's that chick who called me a hairless bear," Broderick points out Nora, who is also returning from the jungle.

"Shaved yeti," Paxton corrects.

"Oh, right," Broderick blinks, "Anyway, there she be."

"What do you think she was doing in the jungle?" Paxton strokes his stubble. After a few seconds, Paxton begins coughing, violently. Lurching forward, he holds his stomach and composes himself. Nora looks up at the pair.

"Plague! It's the plague!" She says, after a few seconds, and rushes off to the female treehouse.

"Hey, hey! Pax, are you alright, bro?" Broderick helps his friend back to the door of the treehouse, "What was that?"

"Oh, that was just a little fit. I got bit by a mosquito earlier, I probably the flu or something," Paxton wipes his mouth on his sleeve, and stands up straight.

"Are you sure you're okay, Pax?" Broderick crosses his arms, "Should we like, tell Dirk or something?"

Paxton's eyes flash, "No, no. Don't tell anyone, man. I don't want anyone to think I can't compete, you know? That would be a sucky way to go home, know what I mean?"

"Yep, yep," Broderick nods, "But if it gets worse..."

"It won't," Paxton waves his hand, dismissing the idea, "I'll be cool, I'll be cool, I swear," Paxton stiffles another cough and heads back inside. Broderick, after pausing for a moment, follows behind.

In the female treehouse, Nora enters, quietly. The rest of the girls stared at her, collectively crossing their arms. Erica asks, "Where did you go? We were just about to discuss something important."

"I was, uh, hunting down the famed Paradise Isle giant sea rooster. Terrible beast, terrible stuff right there," Nora says, as she climbs onto her bed.

"Mhm," Erica says, "Well, were were just talking about Brittney's elimination. The only way she could have gone home is if the guys banded together, while we were voting separately."

"Brolliances are so season one," Diamond sticks out her tongue in disgust. The other Rapscallion girls nod. The SCB girls watch, aimlessly.

"So, now our team is even. Five guys, five boys," Erica holds up both her hands, to illustrate her point, "If we don't form our own counter-lliance, we'll be picked off one by one."

"Okay, I'm fine with a allying with your four," Nora looks to Erica, Meredith, Diamond, and then to Martina, "But don't try anything funny...like picking my brain for ideas."

"Um, okay," Erica says, "Anyway, I think we need to vote off their ringleader first."

"But which one is that?" Martina asks, "It can't be Antonio...or Jeffrey, for that matter."

"So that leaves Broderick, Kirk and Hudson," Meredith ponders, "I'd say Hudson is out. He probably didn't even know he was in an alliance."

Erica nods, "So our target will either be Broderick or Kirk," as the southern belle finishes her sentence, three heads perk up. Lori, Martina and lastly, Robin, all stare at Erica.

"I don't think Kirk is the kind of guy who would start an alliance like that," Martina says, rubbing the back of her neck, nervously.

"Yeah, Kirk doesn't seem like that kind of guy at all," Lori adds. Robin remains silent, and turns away from the other girls. Opening a book, she begins to read silently to herself.

"Broderick, on the other hand, seems like the kind of person who would start a brolliance," Martina says, "So I think he would be our best bet."

"All in favor?" Erica says, raising her own hand. Meredith, Nora and Martina also raise theirs. Diamond does not. Erica turns to her, "Diamond, who do you think we should target, then?"

"Oh, I agree with Broderick," Diamond says, "Democracy is just too wicked mainstream for me."

Erica rolls her eyes, "So it's unanimous."

"Why did we need to listen to all of this? We aren't on your team," Christy points out.

"Because," Meredith says, "If our guys are ganging up, don't you think your team's guys might do the same? I mean, they share a room like we do, they could be talking about it right now."

"Ohh," Christy nods, "Stupid! Stupid Christy!" Christy smacks herself in the forehead, "Think strategic!"

"Uh," Meredith's mouth hangs open, "Don't do that anymore. And anyway, I think you six girls should form your own alliance. I mean, you already have the majority, so it's just a matter of choosing a target."

"I don't know...," Katherine says, "I think some of the guys could end up being pretty useful allies."

"Honey, men are too silly to be useful," Meredith chuckles, "They can't even ask for directions."

"Still...they could be plotting against us, right now...," Christy says, nervously.

The scene flashes to the male treehouse, where Paxton, Broderick, Marvin, Antonio, Wheeler, Jeffrey and Sawyer are sitting in a circle. Antonio says, "You guys know who I think is soooooo cute? Erica," the other boys in the circle giggle wildly. Cooper, Judd and Kirk watch awkwardly from the other side of the room.

"Yeah," Christy nods and says, "I'm sure that's exactly what they're up to. The crafty fiends! We need to consider this alliance, girls."

"Alliances never laaaast," Robin says from behind the covers of her book, "You can count me out," Robin continues reading, not noticing the disappointed looks from Lori, Christy, Katherine and Barbara.

"Come on, Robin," Barbara says, "We n-n...could really use your vote," Barbara takes a deep breath, and begins again, "I think it could really...help all of us, in the long run."

"Sorrrry," Robin's voice creaks, "Not. Interested," the gothic girl closes her book slowly and lowers it, her blank eyes piercing through each of the other girls. Slowly, she turns own, and lays down for bed.

The next morning, Dirk calls out from below the treeline, "Hey. Hey! Wake up, you guys! We have a challenge to do, and relationships to build, and friendships to test, and all kinds of hokey junk like that! Also, dance contest!"

The contestants slowly shuffle out of their treehouses, except for Christy, who speedwalks out. Climbing down the ladder to meet the host, she declares, "Oh, yeah! I am so pumped for this game!"

"Do you like dancing?" Dirk asks, surprised.

"Hate it," Christy shakes her head, "But I'm good at it."

"If you hate it, how are you good at it? I mean, how did you find out you were good at it?" Dirk inquires.

"My parents made me do it for a few years," Christy says, "...You know, it was for the best."

At that moment, Hudson comes shambling out of the jungle, covered and a horrible rash, as well as mud, "Ugh," he gurgles, "You would not believe the night I had."

"Oh, yeah. I guess we forgot about you," Broderick shrugs, "Why are you all puffy and covered in mud?"

"Well, there I was, on the mission of my life," Hudson looks back and forth, "Trying to," Hudson stops, as he spots Nora, "...Find a good place for the team latrine."

"Uhm," Dirk says, "You know there's a bathroom in your treehouse, right?"

Hudson laughs, nervously, "Uh...Going indoors is for sissies."

-Confessional- "I still can't believe he wasn't even in the bottom two," Meredith shakes her head, "That boy has some serious damage in the brain area of his head." -Confessional-

-Confessional- "Thanks to my sharp mind, no one suspects that I really got lost in the jungle," Hudson smiles, "Which...was all part of my plan, anyway. I could have detectived my way back at any time." -Confessional-

-Confessional- "I'm...pretty sure Hudson just got lost in the jungle and couldn't find his way back," Jeffrey says, "But man, no one gets lost like him!" -Confessional-

As Jeffrey exits the confessional, he bumps into Meredith. Smiling, he says, "Oh, yeah, Meredith! How are you, today? You look stunning, as ever."

"Hm," Meredith nods her head, "I can tell you've definitely toned down your compliments since last time, so I'm proud of you. However, the twitch in your left eyes tips me off that you didn't mean something you said."

"I...I don't know what you're talking about. I always enjoy talking to you," Jeffrey's eye twitches again.

Meredith laughs, "So that's it. You feel intimidated."

"Hahaha," Jeffrey laughs, nervously, "Intimidated? I guess a strong, independant woman like yourself is a little intimidating-not in a bad way, of course."

"I'd be upset that you complimented me without meaning it, but I liked that one, so I'll let it slide this time," Meredith smiles, "Keep working on it."

"On what?" Jeffrey asks, as the sassy latina walks past him. Receiving no answer, Jeffrey shrugs and rejoins his team.

As Dirk leads the two teams to the challenge area, Cooper and Antonio start to stray behind. Cooper turns to the smaller boy, "No action figures today, homie?"

Antonio shrugs, and smiles awkwardly, "I, uh, didn't want them to get, like, damaged. The seastar is a convention exclusive, you know."

"Mhm," Cooper nods, "I see. So, you like that Erica girl, eh?"

"Yeah," Antonio blushes, "I've really been pulling out the swag, but she's not biting the hook, man."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Antonio. You're being a little offensive with your advances," Cooper says, "Women respond to respect a lot better than lechery."

"Oh," Antonio gasps, "I thought she was just playing like, hard to get, or something."

"Didn't your older brother teach you about girls?" Cooper shakes his head, laughing quietly.

Antonio looks down, "No. I don't have an older brother."

"Oh," Cooper says, "What about your dad?"

"My parents divorced a long time ago," Antonio says, "I live with my mom, only."

Cooper sighs, "I'm sorry to hear that, amigo."

"Yeah," Antonio says, "When I was little, I used to wish for an older brother. I even wrote to Santa, one year...Sorry, this all probably sounds kind of awkward, just coming out like that."

"Nah, don't worry about it," Cooper says. As he starts to say something else, Dirk blows a whistle, signifying the start of the challenge. Antonio and Cooper look at each other awkwardly, and walk back to their respective teams.

"Okay, people," Dirk says, "Listen up. The native people of this island have a rich and cultured history."

"Where are the native people of this island, Dirk?" Wheeler aks.

"We kicked them off when we bought the island from their chief," Dirk responds.

"Dirk, that's disgusting...you should be ashamed of yourself," Wheeler looks horrified.

"Nah," Dirk says, "I'm just messing with you," As the teens look relieved, Dirk chuckles and adds, "They were all wiped out by disease when Europeans visited the island in the seventeeth century," the contestants collective horrified expressions prompt Dirk to clear his throat and move on, "Anyway...we're going to be performing a traditional island dance in memory of their memory."

"That was redundant," Wheeler points out. Barbara laughs, a little. Wheeler blushes, and turns his head away, smiling.

"So, you all know how to do the Hustle, right?" Dirk asks, looking across the contestants.

"Um, why do you ask?" Katherine crosses her arms. Judd places his hand on her shoulder, and nods. Katherine smiles at him, and Judd smiles back.

"Well, the truth is...," Dirk bites his lip, "The natives of this island invented the Hustle and Van McCoy stole it from them, to get rich," Wheeler raises his hand, "Yes, Wheeler?"

"I think you're lying," Wheeler puts his hand down.

"Well, it's a shame no one cares," Dirk turns away quickly, and picks up a boombox. Turning back around, he instructs, "Everyone dances. If you screw up, you're out. When a whole team is out, the other team wins. Sissy Chicken Babies, you'll need to sit someone out. I suggest Wheeler or Lori. You know what, I choose Wheeler."

Wheeler, grumbling, walks to the sidelines, "I was robbed."

"That'll teach you to question history," Dirk nods his head, "Now, everyone ready?"

"Uh, I don't know how to dance the Hustle," Lori says. Everyone except Meredith and Christy nods their heads in unison.

"I don't dance to crap," Broderick adds, in the background.

"Hmm," Dirk says, "Fine. It'll be Meredith versus Christy. Is that cool with everyone?"

"Oh, yeah!" Christy says, "I've been Hustling since I was in diapers. Literally...my parents made me take a cultured dance class when I was two."

"That's messed up, yo," Cooper shakes his head.

"Hey, my parents are great people," Christy glares at Cooper, "They just wanted me to be well rounded. That's all."

"Challenge begin!" Dirk slaps the boombox, oddly enough hitting the exact button he needed to start the music. Christy and Meredith begin dancing, as the music heightens the tension.

The other members of the team walk off to the sidelines. Cooper pulls Marvin aside, "Hey, we need to talk."

"Excuse me?" Marvin asks, confused, "What about?"

"About what you said to Judd the other night. That was uncalled for," Cooper leads Marvin away from the group.

"I...," Marvin sits down on a nearby fallen tree, "I know."

"Wait," Cooper looks at Marvin suspiciously, "If you knew...why did you do it?"

"I want my fame back," Marvin lets out a great sigh, "I've been trying my whole life to catch up to something I don't even remember doing."

"There are better ways to do that than to cause fights with people," Cooper sits down next to Marvin, "Trust me, I know from experience."

"I know, I know...but the media never takes notice of good role models. It's all about the bad boys, and the troublemakers, and the arrests. No one notices the people who keep their nose clean," Marvin rests his head in one of his hands, "The team hates me, don't they?"

Cooper says nothing, at first. Finally, he says, "If we lose today..."

"I'm gone, I know," Marvin nods his head, "Maybe I can make amends? Maybe you could talk to them, for me?"

"I can't save you," Cooper shakes his head.

"I figured," Marvin nods in acceptance, "I should apologize to Judd, though."

-Confessional- "It was strange...having Marvin open up to me, in the blink of an eye," Cooper says, "But I guess...when you need to spill your guts, you take the first chance you get." -Confessional-

"I don't know," Cooper says, "Judd is a bit of a loose cannon, from what I've seen. You might just set him off again."

"Well, maybe we could get him voted off for that, then?" Marvin's eyes perk up, at the idea.

"Hmm, I didn't think about that," Cooper rubs his chin in thought, "I think it could work. I'll talk to the others, for you."

"Thanks, Cooper," Marvin stands up, and Cooper follows shortly after. The boys shake hands, and Cooper walks off towards the rest of the team. Marvin smiles, and sits back down on the fallen tree.

-Confessional- "I'm really excited to be given a second chance...," Marvin says, giddy, "I really think I can make a name for myself as a positive role model." -Confessional-

Kirk walks up next to Robin, but still keeps a little bit of distance between them, "Pretty lame challenge, huh?"

"Yeeees. Um, hey. You should watch your back, for a while," Robin looks at the ground, as she speaks, "Some of the girls threw your name around, when they were talking about potential targets. They know about the guy alliance."

Kirk turns to face Robin, but quickly turns away again. His eyebrows raise, "Whoa...the second challenge and I've already put a target on my back. That takes skill," Kirk says, sarcastically, "Tell me...why are you mentioning this, to me?"

"Consider it a gesture of acquaintanship. You seem like one of the few sane people that manage to make it on every season," Robin's voice creaks, though somewhat less harshly than normal.

"Thanks, Gwen," Kirk says, teasingly.

Robin smiles, sarcastically, "Anything for you, Trent," the goth sticks his tongue out, revealing a piercing.

Meanwhile, Paxton disappears into some nearby bushes. Broderick, noticing, walks in after his friend.

"Ugh," Paxton leans over, heaving, "That hurts..."

"Pax?" Broderick says, concerned.

"Ice...uh, hey, man. What's up?" Paxton stands up, and wipes his mouth.

"Bro...You're sick," Broderick says, solumnly.

"No, no," Paxton assures, "I'll be fine...just give me one more day. One more day, I swear, that's all I need."

"Okay...but if you aren't better in one more day...I'll have to talk to...someone," Broderick sighs, and walks away. Paxton frowns, and walks out of the bushes.

"Christy is out! Meredith wins invincibility for the Rapscallions!" Dirk declares, as Christy missteps and falls down in the sand.

"Seven years of dance classes-wasted!" Christy pounds his fists into the sand, in fury.

"Calm down, Christy...," Dirk says, confused.

"You don't understand, Dirk," Christy stands up, and brushes the sand from her athletics suit.

"Uhm, well, The Rapscallions win. The Sissy Chicken Babies need to vote someone out," Dirk looks at the losing team, "Meet me at the elimination area in thirty minutes."

Several members of the SCB team are shown standing next to Cooper, looking over at Marvin, and then to Judd. Katherine says, "I don't know, Cooper...I just don't know."

"Consider it, please," Cooper says, frowning. Katherine, and the others, nod. Cooper nods, and walks away. Marvin, noticing Cooper, stands up from the fallen tree and walks after him.

"So...how did it go?" Marvin asks, nervously. Cooper considers it for a moment.

"Well, I think," Cooper smiles, and the two head off to the elimination area.

At the elimination ceremony, Dirk holds a plate of strawberries, "Welcome to your first elimination ceremony of the season. I'm sure you're all glad to be here."

"Not really," Wheeler says. Dirk pelts him with strawberry.

"You're safe, so you can go ahead and keep that," Dirk says, "You know the rules, whoever does not receive the safety item must leave, walk through the marked path to shake hands with destiny, yadda yadda. The votes were really close, this time around, so it should be a surprising one."

"Who was it?" Wheeler says, with a mouthful of strawberry.

"It was-hey! I'm not spoiling it. Now, let's get on with the ceremony," Dirk picks up a handful of strawberries, "Wheeler is safe, and has his strawberry. Next is Christy. Barbara, Cooper, Katherine, Sawyer, Lori, Robin and Paxton are safe."

Marvin looks over at Cooper, while Judd directs his eyes to Katherine. Katherine and Cooper both stare back nervously.

"Marvin and Judd are our bottom two, tonight," Dirk holds the last strawberry, "This is the final strawberry of the night. And it goes to..."

"Judd," Dirk tosses the final strawberry to Judd, while Marvin hangs his head in shame.

"Yo, Marvin, I talked to them, and I thought they were voting with me...," Cooper says, but Marvin dismisses him.

"It's okay, Cooper. I know you tried to help me. What can I say? I made some bad moves," Marvin walks off, down the path, as Cooper waves goodbye. The rest of the team watches awkwardly, and silently.

"So...I'm confused, then. Wasn't that guy a jerk?" Dirk says, obviously confused.

"Nah, man. It was part of an act, it's complicated," Cooper crosses his arms, as the rest of the team stands up and heads back to camp.

"Well, I'm sure this moment will affect you and your gameplay," Dirk says, putting his arm around the former gangster, "Or will it? Find out next time, only on Total Drama: Pacific Island!"


	4. Chapter 4

_Last time, on Total Drama: Pacific Island...Marvin and Judd almost got into a scuffle, but thankfully Cooper and Sawyer stepped in. Sawyer and Judd had a tense moment in the jungle...whoa, that totally sounds weird, huh? The girls spoke about forming alliances, to combat Broderick's bro-lliance. Most were in agreement, but some were still torn when Kirk's name came up. Lori was useless, as always. Hudson tried to stalk Nora, but, well, you know Hudson by now. He did manage to find her diary, which he couldn't read in the dim light. Kirk and Robin had a moment...kind of, sort of...not really. In the end, the Sissy Chicken Babies lost the second challenge, and voted out pretty-boy actor dude Marvin. Who will get axed this week? Watch and find out, right now!_

The Sissy Chicken Baby females climb the studs up to the tree house, exhausted and confused by the elimination ceremony.

"So, Marvin was acting like a jerk...on purpose?" Lori says, as she reaches the top rung.

"I guess so. Unless that was just some cheap excuse," Christy replies.

Katherine shakes her head, "I don't think Cooper is gullible enough to fall for something Marvin cooked up. I believe him."

Robin and Barbara remain silent, as the girls enter the tree house, together. On the inside, their arrival sparks joy among the Rapscallion females.

"Hey!" Erica quickly gets out of bed, "You all survived the vote!"

"As opposed to being killed by it?" Robin mutters, under her breath, as she lays down face-first on her bunk.

Ignoring Robin's comment, Erica continues, "So, who went home, then?"

"Marvin," Christy says, "Marvin went home. Which is strange, because I voted for Judd."

"Is Marvin that one big dude, or that other kind of little dude?" Diamond asks, as she lazily scratches her head. Nodding her head, she says, "Ohhh, I see."

"You see what?" Katherine asks, confused.

Diamond rolls her eyes, "Don't even. You toooootally just answered me, abstractly."

"No," Katherine says, "No I did not. Nor will I ever."

"Communist," Diamond whistles, cheerfully.

"You mean conformist, don't you?" Katherine looks surprised, and somewhat puzzled as well.

"Oh," Diamond looks slightly embarassed by her mistake, "What are you talking about? I totes said conformist the first time. Haha, you must have misheard me. All of the mainstream in this room makes it hard to concentrate, you know?"

"Uh, sure," Katherine shrugs.

-Confessional- "People like her make me wonder why I like girls," Katherine rolls her eyes, "Sometimes they're so...abnormal." -Confessional-

-Confessional- "I totes saidsies conformist the first time, yo," Diamond smiles nervously in the confessional booth, twirling her hair with her finger, "Really...I did," Diamond bites her lip, a little, and stops playing with her hair. Adjusting her glasses, she says, "Uh, playing with your hair is so preteen...isn't it?" -Confessional-

"Marvin is that really tall, muscular guy," Christy begins, "He wears the belt with the theatre masks on it, and was constantly seeking approval or affirmation of his acting abilities."

"Oh yeah," Diamond nods, "He was kind of hawt," Diamond's eyes perk up, "I mean, you know...if you're into that kind of thing. Which I'm totally not. At all. Evsies."

"Oh, okay," Erica says, "That's cool. Anyway, it's good that a strong male was eliminated. It'll give us all less competition once the merge happens. But something bothers me...you said you voted for someone named Judd, didn't you?"

"Yeah?" Christy responds.

"So that means...you all didn't vote together, right?" Erica continues with her questioning, as the other girls begin to realize her point.

"Oh...you're right," Christy smacks herself in the forehead. She blinks, and says, "We could have been in serious trouble, because we weren't unified..."

"Exactly," Erica says, "But, there is a silver lining. Since you didn't vote together, that means some of the guys must have voted for Marvin, so they don't know about your alliance."

"True, true," Christy smiles, "Ah, stupid Christy! Why didn't I think of that?" Christy goes to smack herself in the head, but Katherine takes her wrist, stopping her.

"Hey," Katherine says, quietly, "Don't do that." Christy looks uncomfortable, and blushes, slightly. She nods her head, and Katherine releases her hand.

-Confessional- "I've had problems with self-abuse," Katherine says in the confessional, "When I first came out as bisexual, I was teased a lot, and...well, I did some things. I went to therapy for it, for a few years, and I haven't hurt myself since. But, it always bothers me when I see other people hurting themselves. I want them to know that they shouldn't have to punish themselves for something that isn't their fault, or is out of their control." -Confessional-

-Confessional- "It was kind of embarassing to be reprimanded like that," Christy states, "I didn't know I was doing anything wrong...and for Katherine to step in like that, it was surprising, you know?" -Confessional-

The Sissy Chicken Baby males stumble into the male house, confused.

"So, I thought that guy was bad at acting?" Wheeler scratches his chin beard, "How'd he fool all of us?"

"Maybe he was smarter than all of you," Broderick offers, from across the room.

"You don't even know who we're talking about," Wheeler scowls, slightly, and turns into his bunk.

"True," Broderick nods, "Nor do I care," Broderick searches through the people entering in, and smiles when Paxton, the last one in, appears, "So long as it wasn't the Iceman."

"That's real sensitive," Antonio says.

Broderick's brow drops, "What do you mean?"

"You know," Antonio gulps, as Broderick walks closer, "All you...care about is yourself..."

Broderick stops walking, and tilts his head to the side, slightly. Perplexed, he opens his mouth to say something but only manages a weak, "I...," before sitting down on the closest bunk.

"And," Antonio continues, "That's my bunk," Broderick opens his eyes, a little wider, and looks at Antonio for a second. Slowly, he stands up and walks back to his bunk. Most of the other boys look either impressed with Antonio, or confused.

-Confessional- "Oh, wow," Antonio gasps, while sweating nervously, "I think I nearly peed my pants. I was sure Broderick was gonna deck me," Antonio reveals his Spongemitch toy, and unloads a handful of Flintrock vitamins from the secret compartment, "I know these things are basically just candies, but they calm me down." -Confessional-

Cooper puts his hand on Antonio's shoulder, "Good job, little vato."

-Confessional- "I wish my parents had raised me to speak English and Spanish," Antonio says, "I have no idea what 'vato' means. For all I know, Cooper just called me a wussy. Well, I guess there is a way to find out what it means..." -Confessional-

"I'm not a vato, you're the vato," Antonio says, nervously. At first, the former gangster looks surprised. A few seconds later, the scarred street-rat bursts out laughing. Antonio backs away, slightly, "Wha...what's so funny?"

"You don't know what 'vato' means, do you, little homie?" Cooper laughs heartily, and slaps Antonio playfully on the back. Some of the other males watch, equally confused.

"Uh...of course I know what it means, I'm half latino, y'know," Antonio smiles unconvincingly, and gives a weak thumbs up.

"What does it mean, then?" Cooper smiles, and wipes a tear away from his eye.

"Uh...," Antonio's mouth hangs open, loosely.

"It's Spanish for 'dude', my man," Cooper smiles, and rustles Antonio's hair. Antonio chuckles slightly, and nods his head.

"Sooooo," Wheeler says, "As I was saying. How did he fool us, if he was such a bad actor?"

"I dunno," Paxton shrugs, while brushing his hair away from his face, "Everyone has one good performance, I guess."

"I say," Sawyer begins, "It was quite the elaborate plot, and all. It seems as though that chap had quite the chip on his shoulder. Am I correct, or am I correct?"

Everyone stares awkwardly at Sawyer for a moment. Finally, Paxton says, "No one understands a word you say, dude. Try speaking Bro-gese."

"Uh," Sawyer hesitates, "Um... I said, that one dude sure fooled me, um, yo. He was quite the tricky weasel, my homies," Sawyer winces, "What was his deal, my fellow bros?"

"Oooooh," the rest of the boys say, collectively. Paxton continues, "Why didn't you say so, man? Anyway, I think that dude totally pulled a wicked sweet prank on all of us, ja'know? Maybe he's a totally awesome actor, and just like, fudged the truth on his audtition, yeah?"

"Fo' sugar-snaps...?" Sawyer scratches his head.

"Hahaha," Paxton slaps Sawyer's back, "You're okay, Bro-yer."

-Confessional- "I swear, it's like they speak Martian," Sawyer laments, "I want to connect with them, but to do so, I have to talk like them. That would be all well and good, except when I try...I have no idea what I'm saying. For all I know, 'fudging the truth' is code for use of illegal substances." -Confessional-

-Confessional- "Maaaaan," Paxton says, while leaning against the side of the confessional, "That Sawyer dude is pretty chill and all, but I can't understand his words, yo. I want to be the dude's friend, but it's like, kinda hard and stuff, when I have no idea what he's saying, you dig?" Paxton brushes his hand against his stubble, "I mean, 'chip on his shoulder' could be like, code for birth defect. I can't be friends with someone if they go around making fun of people's unfortunate chip growths. It ain't cool, man." -Confessional-

"Well, as much as I love hearin' you ladies chat like old hens at the drinkin' 'ole," Judd cracks his neck, "I got me a walk to take, and a lady to meet. Don't wait up, buggers."

"Get some, bro!" Sawyer calls out, impulsively. Many of the boys turn, and stare at him, awkwardly.

"Dude, not cool," Cooper shakes his head, offended.

-Confessional- "I heard that phrase on the television once. I thought it was like saying, 'good luck'," Sawyer sighs, and rests his chin sorrowfully in his hands. Frowning, he says, "I must have broken some sort of male honor code. Well, that's the last time I repeat something I've heard on the MTV station." -Confessional-

Judd steps out of the tree house, and hops down the rungs on the side of the tree. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he examines the ground. Finally spotting a sizeable rock, he takes his good hand out of his pocket, picks the rock up, and tosses it at the girl's tree house. After a few seconds, a confused Meredith walks out, dressed in her sleeping clothes.

"What do you want, Jude?" Meredith crosses her arms, impatiently, "It's almost midnight."

"The name's Judd, Muriel," Judd stresses 'Muriel', purposely getting Meredith' name wrong to insult her.

Meredith rolls her eyes, "What's your point? It's midnight and you're throwing rocks at our tree house. What do you want?"

From inside the tree house, Erica calls out, "Who is it? Why are they throwing rocks at our tree house? Is it that darn gorilla again?"

Meredith smirks, "Oh, it's a gorilla alright, but it's not the same one," Judd glares up at Meredith, who continues to smirk, "He won't tell me what he wants."

"You ain't given me two seconds to speak," Judd yells up, "Let me talk to Katherine."

"Why should I-," Meredith tries to ask, but is quickly pushes aside, as Katherine rushes past her and begins climbing down the rungs of the tree house, "Gah...whatever. I'm going back to sleep."

"Hey, Judd," Katherine smiles, "I've been wanting to talk to you, since we got back from the vote."

"I feel the same way, I do," Judd smiles also, but quickly stops, "I was wonderin'...you know, you're one of the few who don't seem to be complete loonies. Will you...be me girl?"

Katherine blushes, and latches on Judd's arm, "Of course, Judd."

-Confessional- "I know Judd isn't the most charming guy on the island," Katherine says, "But he makes me feel safe," Katherine smiles, and holds her hands softly against her chest, over her heart. -Confessional-

"Well, it is late out, I guess," Judd scratches his head with his free hand, "I should probably be gettin' you back," Judd leads Katherine back to her treehouse, and watches as she climbs the rungs to the top, departing only when Katherine walks into the main living area.

-Confessional- "That went better than I expected," Judd sighs, "Most birds are a wee intimidated by me piercings. It's nice to meet someone who doesn't judge...," Judd smiles, and relaxes in the confessional. Within a few seconds, he is asleep, and snores obnoxiously. -Confessional-

The next morning, Dirk is nowhere to be seen. Some of the contestants search vigorously for their host, as others take advantage of their time off.

"I just noticed that Hudson is the only one actually looking for Dirk," Martina comments, as she watches the would-be detective scale a large tree.

"Must...get...vantage point," Hudson works tirelessly to conquer the tree with his bare hands, "Must...find...missing Dirk."

"Hudson?" Martina calls up to the useless P.I., "Come down from there. You're going to fall, and if you fall, we'll be a player short."

"Hey!" Hudson scowls, in offense, "I contribute!"

"Yeah, you contributed to our loss," Martina retorts, "Relax, I'm only teasing you. But really, please come down before you hurt yourself."

"Okay, okay," Hudson slowly begins descending the trunk, finally reaching the bottom. Smiling triumphantly, he says, "See, Martina? I didn't hurt myself." At that moment, a coconut falls, hitting Hudson squarely on the head, knocking him out cold.

Martina sighs, "Hey, can someone help me move Hudson away from the jungle? A coconut hit him on the head, and I don't want to leave him where scavengers will find him."

"Yeah, sure," Kirk says, "I'll help."

Martina blushes, as Kirk rolls up his sleeves and drags Hudson away, by himself. Martina falls, closely, "Whoa, Kirk. Isn't he heavy?"

Kirk weezes, "Yeah...a little. But, it's cool, I've got it."

"Yeah, I can see that," Martina comments, clearly impressed with the boy's physical capabilities. As Kirk lays Hudson against the trunk of the tree that houses the male's home, Martina asks, "Hey, Kirk, I was just wondering, can I talk to you about something kind of personal?"

"Um," Kirk spots Robin, standing in the distance. Robin glances at Kirk and Martina, and walks off on her own, "Yeah," Kirk says, "I'm willing to listen."

Martina leads Kirk into the jungle, to a small clearing, "I found this clearing on the first day. I've been sneaking out here, when I need to think about things. The thing is, though, is sometimes I can't just think about things. Sometimes I need to tell someone else, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, yeah," Kirk nods his head, "Of course, most people do, at some point."

"Well, here's the thing," Martina begins, nervously, "I've had...some bad experience with men, in the past."

"Whoa," Kirk stops her, "Do you mean they abused you?"

Martina shakes her head, "No, no, no! Nothing like that. I totally phrased that wrong, I'm sorry..."

Kirk laughs, "Hey, it's cool. So anyway, continue with what you were saying."

Martina sighs, "My first long-term boyfriend died. It happened a few years ago, when I was sixteen. He was hit by a drunk driver, and killed instantly."

Kirk's eyes soften from their usual frosty gaze, "Oh. Oh, wow...I mean, I don't know what to say, other than, I'm really sorry that happened..."

"No, no," Martina dismisses Kirk's apology, "I've been able to accept what happened. But, there was another boy, after Scott's death. I liked him, but I felt like dating again would...I don't know, erase Scott's memory? It's a difficult feeling to explain. It covers a lot, though...sadness, fear, betrayal..."

"Oh, Martina," Kirk places a hand on Martina's shoulder, and looks sympathetically into her tear-flooded eyes, "Nothing can ever erase Scott's memory. No one who comes after him will ever replace where he lives, in your heart. And, I think Scott would want you to be with someone else, if they made you happy. He wouldn't want you to spend the rest of your time on Earth sullen and isolated."

"I know...I know he wouldn't," Martina nods, "Still...it's a scary thought, dating again. Part of me, the irrational part of me, is afraid something might happen to my next boyfriend, too."

"No, Martina," Kirk reassures her, "That's not how it worked. What happened to Scott...was just a cruel, painful twist of fate. That may have been his fate, but fate flows differently for all of us."

"I see what you mean, I think," Martina adds, "You've given me a lot to think about," Martina smiles, and hugs Kirk, "Thank you, so much for listening."

Kirk blushes, as Martina hugs him. His arms hang frozen in the air, for a few seconds, before he returns the hug, "Yeah...you're welcome, Martina. Any time."

-Confessional- "I guess I'm not really used to physical affection, so the hug surprised me," Kirk is still blushing, as he sits in the confessional. -Confessional-

Kirk and Martina exit the jungle, with Kirk still blushing. Many of the other contestants watch, confused.

"Dude, Kirk," Diamond says, "Why are you blushing?"

"Uh," Kirk says, and points to Martina, "She hugged me."

Diamond shakes her head, in disappointment, "That's totes lame. See you around, Kirk. Or should I say...K-Lame."

-Confessional- "I know I should be insulted," Kirk says, "But I kind of like the ring of 'K-Lame'," Kirk taps his chin with his index finger, "Man, the day just started, and already it's getting weird." -Confessional-

Jeffrey walks through the middle of camp, waving to everyone he passes, and shouting out compliments, "Hey, Wheeler! Work that double-chin, homeboy! Your hair's looking extra slick today, Broderick! Looking as gorgeous as ever, Erica!"

Lori walks eagerly alongside Jeffrey, smiling and seemingly waiting for a compliment. Jeffrey pretends not to notice her.

"Well?" Lori frowns, "Aren't you going to say something nice about me?"

"Uh," Jeffrey says, "Love the...nappy pigtails, fella."

"Nappy? Fella?" Lori's eyes shatter, and tears leak through and down her face.

"No, no, no!" Jeffrey says, "I was talking to Antonio," Jeffrey points, and shows Lori that Broderick and Judd have tied Antonio up, and are putting his hair in pigtails, "Your nappy pigtails are much cuter, Laura."

"Lori," the girl corrects, "It's Lori."

"Riiiight," Jeffrey's eyes shift back and forth. After a few seconds, he darts away, leaving Lori by herself.

As he is darting away, Jeffrey runs by Meredith, who stops his cold, "Jeffrey, we need to chat."

"Aw," Jeffrey slumps his shoulders.

"I've noticed that you're becoming more honest, with your opinions of people," Meredith begins, "But it's happening at a very slow rate."

"What are you talking about? I've always been honest with my opinions of people," Jeffrey attempts to walk away from Meredith, but she halts him.

"I don't believe you. I may have arrived last, but I saw how you were, on the first day. You didn't say a single solitary ill word about anyone, and complimented blindly. Recently, you've been hesitating to compliment certain people, and your body language makes it clear that you don't want to be having this conversation," Meredith points to Jeffrey's crossed arms, and impatient stance.

"What's your point?" Jeffrey asks.

"My point is, there's something you're not telling us," Meredith replies, "So, why don't you just let it all out into the open?"

"'Cuz," Jeffrey says, "It's my business, not your's or anyone else's."

"Fair enough," Meredith starts walking away. She turns, and says over her shoulder, "At least stop being so _**fake**_."

Jeffrey watches Meredith walk away. When she is out of sight, he sighs, and slumps down against a tree. Jeffrey opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, a small dart hits him in the neck, "Hey, what the wha wha whaaaa?" Jeffrey's eyes droop, and he slumps over on the ground.

"G'day, mates!" Dirk McGrath pops out of a nearby bush, holding a blowgun, "Wait, Australia isn't in this part of the Pacific. What accent do I do, then? Bah, forget it. Hello, you faithful viewers at home! As you can probably guess, from Jeffrey over here, today's challenge is to survive Dirk McGrath," Dirk points to himself, "and his blowgun of doom. Each of these little darts is filled with a mild tranquilizer, capable of knocking the average person out for about an hour. Now, I'll be hunting the contestants using these darts. The last one standing wins invincibility for their team. Unless like, I end up wiping out a whole team without taking out anyone from the other team. Hold on, I just confused myself...let me reword this. The team who still has people standing, once the other team is...aw, forget it. You all know what I mean," Dirk loads another dart into his blowgun, "This challenge is based on the native islander's use of blowguns, similar to mine, as their primary hunting weapon. Hope you enjoyed my history lesson a la Dirk, now, let's get back to the action."

As Dirk steps over Jeffrey's sleeping body, a gaggle of interns quickly drag it away, "Man, this dude is heavy...and he smells like internal conflict," one intern notes.

Wheeler is shown sitting by himself, holding an acoustic guitar. Looking around and spotting no one, he begins to play. After a few seconds, he starts to hum along, as he plucks the strings of his instrument. Barbara walks up from being Wheeler, and covers his eyes with her hands.

"Guess who?" She says, jokingly.

"Mmmm, Diamond? Yeah, definitely Diamond," Wheeler says.

"Is that your f-f-final answer?" Barbara responds, while keeping Wheeler's eyes covered.

Wheeler continues to strung some chords, "Hmmm, now that I think about it, you don't sound goofy enough to be Diamond. Barbara, maybe? Final answer."

"Well, congratulations, Mr. Wheeler," Barbara removes her hands, and walks around to face him, "You've won our showcase."

"What's my prize?' Wheeler asks, as he begins to hum, once more.

"Why, my company, of c-c-course," Barbara smiles.

"Whoa, what a lame prize," Wheeler playfully sticks his tongue out at Barbara, who responds by sarcastically blowing him a kiss. Wheeler blushes, regardless of the kiss' sarcastic intention.

"Hey, why did you blush?" Barbara asks, genuine in her curiousity.

"Oh," Wheeler coughs, "I just remembered a saucy joke my dad told me."

"Um, okay," Barbara looks to the side, and moves hair out of her face, with his fingers, "Hey, there was something I needed to talk to you about, if that's cool."

"Yeah, of course," Wheeler smiles, eagerly.

"Okay, so, I really appreciate you not p-p-p," Barbara blushes, and turns away slightly, as her stutter kicks in, "Pointing out when I stutter. It really means a lot that I can have a friend who can look past something like that."

"Friend," Wheeler repeats, "Yeah, of course. I mean, you don't even stutter that often."

"Not around you, anyway," Barbara points out, "I think I feel comfortable around you to the point where it helps my stutter," Barbara smiles, "So, thanks for being so kind, about it."

"Sure," Wheeler says, absently, "It's really not problem."

"Are you alright?" Barbara asks, as Wheeler's voice becomes even more sullen.

"Yeah...just feeling...a little sleepy...," Wheeler slumps over, revealing a small dart in the back of his neck.

"What the?" Barbara stands up, to inspect the dart, and is hit by one, herself, "Ouch! What in...the...world...," Barbara pulls the dart out, but collaspes, asleep.

"Any with that," Dirk crosses some names off a checklist, as interns carry the sleeping contestants away, "The Sissy Chicken Babies are down to eight people, while the Rapscallions have nine."

Back at the camp, Hudson awakens, finally. Looking around, he sees only a few other contestants, "Hey...where...where did everyone go?"

"Well," Christy says, "Lori, Katherine, Robin, and Judd all mysterious disappeared within a fifteen minute time frame."

"And Kirk, Martina, Diamond, Meredith, Erica, and Broderick all mysteriously disappeared within a different fifteen minute time frame, while they were searching for the other missing contestants," Nora says, "I bet it was aliens."

"Yeah, I'm sure," Hudson says, "Obviously it was a prehistoric pterodactyl with a bad attitude."

"You're both crazy," Antonio says, "It was probably just Dirk, doing something stupid."

Both Hudson and Nora burst out laughing, "Oh, Antonio," Hudson says, "That's the most irrational thing I've ever heard."

Antonio looks confused, and walks off, away from the pair. Sitting down on a nearby rock, he is approached by Cooper.

"Hey, little man," Cooper sits down next to Antonio, "How's it going?"

Antonio shrugs, "It's going okay, I guess...Cooper, can I tell you something?"

"Straight up," Cooper replies, curiously.

"I'm...I'm afraid to grow up," Antonio lays his head in his hand, sadly, "That's why I act so young."

"Afraid to grow up?" Cooper repeats, confused.

"Yeah," Antonio nods. He pulls out his braces, causing Cooper's eyes to pop wide open, "Don't worry, they're fake. I got them from one of those vending machines, at the front of a supermarket. Sigh...I don't even like Spongemitch, anymore."

"What are you so afraid of, little brother?" Cooper ask.

"I guess, it's just scary, having to go into the world, all by myself," Antonio sighs, deeply, and nods to himself, "I know everyone has to, at some point."

"Acting younger doesn't make you younger, homie," Cooper says, "All it'll do is make people not take you seriously."

"Yeah," Antonio agrees, "That's hard, sometimes...But I guess I'd prefer being safe and secure at home, than have people take me seriously."

"Well, that's your choice," Cooper adds, "But everyone has to grow up, at some point. Honestly, I think you've already grown up, you just don't want to show it. You can't live your life afraid to live."

"I'll...," Antonio pauses, "I'll consider that. It isn't very fun, driving away every girl I'm interested in, just because I'm afraid to act my age."

"So, you drive them away on purpose?" Cooper questions, confused.

"Yeah," Antonio nods his head, ashamed, "I feel like...if I was to have a relationship, I'd have to grow up, you know? Until this point, I couldn't afford that." Antonio waits, but Cooper doesn't respond, "Cooper? Uh, vato?" Antonio nudges Cooper, who falls over, limply, a dart planted in his neck. Antonio looks around, quickly, and is hit with a dart himself, a few seconds later.

"Two more down," Dirk whispers from the bushes, as interns carry away the latest eliminations, "Hey...where did everyone else go?" Dirk looks around the scene, and notices that the other five remaining contestants are not around.

"Oh, I believe they walked off while you were focused on Antonio and Cooper, my good man," Sawyer walks up, besides Dirk, "I must say, Dirk, I was worried that all these strange disappearances were caused by something sinister. So good to see that it was merely part of the day's challenge. Oh, what a laugh I had!" Sawyer smiles, and Dirk responds by shooting a dart into Sawyer's shoulder, "Oh, dear me...I really should have seen that...coming...gahalha...," Sawyer gurgles, as he passes out on the ground.

Meanwhile, by the beach, Nora and Hudson are walking, together. Hudson says, "So, I read your diary."

"I know, you did," Nora replies.

"What? How?" Hudson says, confused.

"Hudson, you aren't the sneakiest of people," Nora comments, "Besides, you didn't act frightened by my behavior, when everyone else did."

"Well, yeah...okay," Hudson takes the diary out of his trenchcoat, "Here's your diary, by the way. I'm sorry I took it. There was just something about you that didn't quite add up, to me."

"How you you mean?" Nora asks, curious as to how the crackpot detective actually solved something.

"There didn't really seem to be any basis for your paranoia. It was all random, and unconnected. You didn't mention any events leading to your paranoia, and all of it was based on popular myths and legends, as opposed to an event or circumstance unique to yourself," Hudson explains, as the two walk, "When is saw that you had a diary, I thought maybe there would be an explanation within it's pages. And, well, there was."

"My father is a good man," Nora frowns.

"I know he is," Hudson nods his head, as the pair continue walking along the beach, "It's clear that you care deeply for him, too. But, you can't go along with his paranoia. He's a sick man, he needs to see a specialist. From what I've read in your diary, it sounds like he's a paranoid schizophrenic."

"Do you really think someone can help him?" Nora asks, nervously, "My father really is the only family I have left, and I can't let something happen to him."

"I'm sure there is something that someone can do...but you've got to give up this charade," Hudson asserts, "It's not helping your father, and it certainly isn't doing you any good."

Nora nods, "I see what you mean. Okay...I'll stop." Hudson smiles, but immediately winces.

"Stupid mosquitos," Hudson slaps the back of his neck, "What the?" He pulls a small dart away, and looks at it, for a seconds, "Somebody just assassinated me...," Hudson laughs, nervously, and collaspses on the beach. Nora's face goes from confused to shocked, and then to drowziness, as she herself is hit with a dart.

"Well, that does it," Dirk declares, triumphantly, "The Sissy Chicken Babies win today's challenge. But, where are Paxton and Christy, anyway?"

In the jungle, a short walk from the treehouses, Paxton is vomiting, violently, "Aw...aw, man...that seriously kills, man," Paxton holds his stomach, as he finishes expelling it's contents. He turns to see Christy, watching, horrified, "Oh. Hey. I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Paxton, are you alright?" Christy's voice is cautious, and concerned, "Are you sick...or is it something else?"

"What do you mean, 'is it something else'?" Paxton wipes his mouth, "What else would it be?"

"Well," Christy looks off to the side, "I had this friend, during my freshman year, and he-"

"Hey, you two!" Dirk calls out, as he trudges through the jungle, "I've been looking all over for you. Congrats, you two won the challenge for your team!"

"Where is our team?" Paxton asks, "And...besides that, what challenge, McBro?"

"The challenge was to survive my expert hunting skills," Dirk smiles. Paxton and Christy look exceedingly concerned, "I was hunting with tranqs, so don't worry, everyone else is just asleep. They'll be awake in ten more minutes, give or take about six hours or so."

"Uh...'kay," Paxton gives an awkward thumbs up, and walks past Christy and Dirk, "I need to go lay down, I think."

"Wait, Paxton!" Christy calls out, and tries to follow the slacker. DIrk stops her, "Dirk, what are you stopping me for?"

"That dude looks pretty exhausted. You should let him rest," Dirk sends Christy off in the other direction, "Go on, I need to practice my sweet blowgun skills, anyway." Dirk watches, as Christy walks off, away from Paxton. Spotting a coconut in a nearby tree, Dirk holds his blowgun up, and takes a deep breath. The dart is sucked into his mouth, causing Dirk to drop the gun and flail violently, "Christy...Christy...!" Dirk spits the dart out, and holds his throat, as he beings to sway. Finally, Dirk wobbles one last time, and crashes down onto the jungle floor.

A few hours later, the contestants are sitting around camp, holding ice packs to their heads and generally grumbling. Dirk emerges from the jungle, one side of his face covered in dirt and leaves, "Sorry, everyone. I accidentally tranquilized myself."

"No surprise there," Broderick rolls his eyes, and holds his shoulder, where he was hit by one of Dirk's darts.

"Good, you deserve it!" Lori calls out, "That's what you get for shooting me seventeen times with those stupid darts!" Lori rolls up her sleeves, and reveals two clusters of red spots, in each of her shoulders.

"It's your fault for not staying down after being hit the first time," Dirk defends himself, "Anyway, as I'm sure all of you know by now, The Rapscallions have lost the challenge and need to vote someone out, tonight."

"I didn't know that," Hudson says.

"I didn't expect _you_ to," Dirk cracks his neck, and wipes the dirt and leaves from his face, "So yeah, meet me at the ceremonial voting area place thing, in like, ten."

Broderick gathers the other males from his team, "Okay, we're going to vote for...hmm," Broderick looks around, "Let's go with Erica. She's a little strong-willed, for my liking."

"That's kind of sexist," Kirk points out.

"Yeah, well, no one's perfect," Broderick shrugs, "Wait, what am I saying?"

Watching from the background, Erica spots the man-huddle, and calls over the females from her team, "We need an easy target."

"Why?" Martina asks.

"Because, if they all vote for one person, and we all vote for one person, that will force a tiebreaker. If we vote for a weak guy, he'll lose and we'll have the advantage, again."

"Good plan," Nora adds.

Later, at the elimination ceremony, Dirk, still partially covered with dirt, holds up the tray of strawberries, "Okay, so, you probably know the dillio. One of you is out, and it's the one who like, got the most votes and doesn't receive one of these grade-A strawberries. The first strawberry goes to...Kirk. The next batch goes to Meredith, Martina, Broderick, Nora, Hudson, Jeffrey, and...Diamond."

"Bottom three is so alt...right?" Diamond stares at the camera, awkwardly.

"Our bottom two is Antonio and Erica. But...each of you received five votes, so we'll have to have a tiebreaker challenge," Dirk explains, "So, here's what I was thinking..."

"Actually," Antonio says, "I concede."

"What?" Broderick says, angrily, "Come on, don't be such a wussy, you can take Erica."

"It's not about that, Broderick," Antonio says defiantly, "I learned something, on this island, which is more than can be said for you. I learned that we all have to grow up, sometimes. Well, I'm finally ready to grow up, and I don't need this game anymore. I've made a fool of myself enough already, by pretending to be something I'm not," Antonio picks up the last strawberry and hands it to Erica, "I'm sorry, about how I acted, before. I'm sorry if I offended you, and I truly hope you can forgive me."

Erica nods, speechless for a few seconds. Finally, she says, "Yeah...sure, Antonio. It's in the past."

Antonio smiles, and waves to his former team, "Well, I'm out of here. Good luck, to all of you. And, Broderick...I hope you learn to grow up, too."

Broderick's reveals his hurt, and confusion, as he watches Antonio leave. Dirk pats him on the back, "You got served, bro. Well, anyway...that was quite the episode, wasn't it? We're down to nineteen. Join us next week, same time, same place, for another exciting episode of Total Drama: Pacific Island!"


	5. Chapter 5

_Last time, on Total Drama: Pacific Island; A lot of really heavy stuff went down, you know? Um, I think that British Judd guy and that bisexual frizzy Katherine chick like, hooked up or something. Unless one of the techies screwed with the playback audio. Kirk and Martina had some awkward kind of moment-ish thing. Robin didn't seem to approve. Not that she approves of anything, far as I can tell. Diamond made a fool of herself. Except, this time it wasn't on purpose. Antonio was voted out, after a shocking revelation, or something. Turns out he's not all creepy, actually. He was just afraid. Poor little guy. Also, before leaving, he totally served Bro-derick. Paxton's still sick, and Jeffrey seems to be cracking. Find out if anything I just mentioned gets resolved, right here and right now! McGrath, out. Oh, oh yeah! Before I go, Hudson actually figured something out! I'm proud of him._

Broderick remains sitting on his tree stump-seat, long after the rest of his team has departed. From the jungle trail, Kirk watches him for a time, but soon trails away into the shadowy jungle. Dirk sets his hand on Broderick's shoulder.

"Hey," the host says, softly.

"Hey," Broderick replies, echoing Dirk's greeting more than really answering it.

"You know," Dirk sits down on a stump beside Broderick, "Don't let it get to you."

"What are you talking about?" Broderick mumbles, crossing his arms and shifting away from Dirk McGrath.

"I just mean," Dirk searches for the words he wishes to use, "I just mean that...You don't have to wall yourself up like this. That kid said something hurtful to you. It doesn't make you any less of a man to react to it."

Broderick brushes his hair back, and looks at Dirk from over his shoulder, his face angled down towards the white, sugary sand of the beach-based elimination area. Letting loose with a sigh, Broderick buttons his shirt, covering his quintessential 'Iceman' tattoo. He unrolls his sleeves, letting them fall to hang just above his wrists. Standing up without a word, Broderick unceremoniously desposits his hands inside the narrow pockets of his air-tight jeans, and strides away from Dirk, head held high and confident. Dirk scratches his beard, and stands up, stretching his arms out and yawning. Plodding through the crystalline sand, Dirk eventually makes his way to solid ground. Turning a corner down the jungle path, he sees no sign of Broderick, but makes no attempt at looking any harder. Slumping and slugging his way between the tree houses, Dirk's ears prick up as a less than friendly slew of words reach down to him from above.

"Don't try watching us change, McGrath," Meredith stands on the platform above, her head and chest leaning over the side of the railing so that they may face the tired McGrath. Dirk opens his mouth blankly to reply, but decides against it, and continues walking to his destination. Upon reaching a lone shack near the edge of the filming area, Dirk's hand spelunks around in his trouser pocket, eventually producing a set of keys. Unlocking the door, Dirk retreives some wooden planks, and a pre-taken picture of Antonio from a stack of headshots that each of the contestants posed for before arriving on the island. Nimble fingers select six or so nails from a glossy jar, as Dirk lifts his cargo with one large, muscled arm. Shutting the door, Dirk slowly sets the planks down, locks the door, picks the planks back up with minimal difficulty, and begins his journey back to the tree houses. Climbing up the ladder to the male tree house with only one arm proves simple for the bearded McGrath, as he makes it to the top without so much as a slip. Entering the residence, few of the boys actually take notice of Dirk, as they are well-aware of his intentions. Spying the empty bed, Dirk begins his ritual of boarding it up, complete with the pre-made headshot of the most recent elimination.

"So," Paxton sighs, "Broderick was axed, tonight?"

"Nuh," Dirk replies, his lips clenched around four nails, "Antonnyo wers."

"What?" Cooper stands up, quickly, "Little vato?"

"Serry," Dirk shrugs, taking a nail from between his lips, and hammering it into the plank.

"So, where's Broderick?" Paxton asks, sharply.

"Ah dunnuh," Dirk murmurs.

Paxton rocks his head back and forth, looking at the other males, "Okay...so...who wants to come help me look for him?"

Most of the males shift their eyes away from Paxton, and remain silent. Seeing the worry in Paxton's eyes, Kirk sighs and stands up. Wheeler also follows, hesitantly. The three boys quietly exit the treehouse, as Dirk finished nailing up Antonio's former bunk. Cracking his neck, Dirk coughs once, and takes leave of the residence.

"I feel bad, not helping them look," Hudson rubs his arm, "A detective never leaves a case unsolved."

"You ain't no detective, mate," Judd stretches, and removes his piercings for the night, setting them in a small ziploc baggy.

"What?" Hudson's eyes squint, slightly, "Have you seen my notepad? Of course I'm a detective."

"How many criminals have you tracked down?" Judd sits up quickly, and rests his head on his hand. His voice is calm, but emotionless.

"Uh...there was this one really mean cat...," Hudson scratches his head.

"How many murder cases do ya have under yer belt?" Judd looks down, and begins untying his boots.

"Do...do gingerbread men count?" Hudson's voice drops down, low and hollow.

"How many stolen items have you recovered?" Judd slides his boots under his bunk, and removes his pants, revealing a purple pair of briefs, with a stark white skull decal.

"My mom lost her keys this one time...I was instrumental in...," Hudson's voice trails off, as Judd raises an eyebrow. The vagrant walks over and taps Hudson on the shoulder.

"You ain't no detective."

"Hey," Sawyer sits up from his bunk, "Leave that fellow alone. If he wants to be a detective, let him be a detective."

"It's time he faced facts," Judd shrugged his shoulders, "It'll be a lot easier if someone he'll never see again after a few weeks tells him, than if one of his mates back home tells him."

"It's not your place to decide what's best for him," Sawyer's face flushes with color, as he stands up. While not quite as tall as Judd, Sawyer's frame is wider, causing the British brute to take a step back.

"Calm ya'self, mate," Judd raises his hands up as a peace offering, "I'm not in the right mind to be causin' a brawl."

"Then stop," Sawyer points a finger, "Or I can promise you sir, we will need to step outside."

Wheeler and Jeffrey watch, awkwardly at the sidelines. Wheeler whispers to his sycophantic neighbor, "You'd think they were his parents, or something."

-Confessional- "I ain't sure what got that lad snappin'. He jus went off on me," Judd rubs the back of his neck, and winces, "It was strange, really..." -Confessional-

-Confessional- "It was weird, seeing Sawyer defend someone like that. He's a big guy, but he's pretty mild-mannered, too." Jeffrey smiles, in the confessional. His smile is small, compared to his usual giant smile, "But, it was nice, too. I know what kind of man Judd is. I know his type...," Jeffrey sighs, and his smile fades, "It felt...good, watching Sawyer stand up to Judd. " -Confessional-

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the female's treehouse, Katherine lays smiling on her bunk, as the other girls look at her, oddly, "What?" Katherine asks, sitting up on her elbows, "Did I do something?"

"You're smiling, honey," Erica says, happily, "Did something happen?"

"Yeah," Katherine nods, dreamily.

"Who is the lucky man?" Christy asks, while doing one-armed push-ups.

"It's that Judd guy," Meredith crosses her arms, "I'm telling you, Katherine, he's bad news."

"You don't even know him," Katherine frowns, slightly. Her voice grows slightly higher, "He's a nice guy, once you get to know him."

"I'm sure all nice guys lose fingers in alley fights," Meredith shrugs.

"Hey," Katherine sits up, frowning a little more, "Don't give me that 'holier than thou' crap. Who are you to judge?"

"I'm not," Meredith looks somewhat peeved, "I'm just watching out for one of my girls. I know what happens with guys like Judd."

"You don't know him," Katherine insists.

"Okay, girls, let's drop it, okay?" Erica stands between the two, trying to play peacekeeper.

Softly pushing Erica to the side, Meredith walks towards Katherine. Her face is serious, but not angry, "Look. I dated a boy like Judd, not long ago. I thought the same things you did. People would tell me Tommy was no good, and I would blow them off. I'd tell them they just hadn't gotten to know him like I had. And for a while, it seemed like I was right. He was nice, and everything seemed fine. The first time he hit me," Meredith sighs a little, "It was a shock. I was convinced he wouldn't do it again. He apologized, and apologized, and promised that he'd never do it again. I took him back, but lo and behold, I was covering up bruises every other day. It went on like that for month, because I was too afraid to do anything about it. I shut myself from everyone else in my life, he controlled me. So please, just listen when I tell you...," Meredith sighs, and sits down on the bed, a creek of tears breaks loose from her eyes. Her hands fly to her face, covering the scene. Katherine looks on, confused about what to do. Erica and Martina hold Meredith's shoulders, tightly, and Nora hands her a towel for her eyes.

"Are you okay?" Lori asks, nervously. Lori's voice shakes, and she takes a few steps back. When Meredith does not answer her, she walks outside the treehouse, and stands against the railing. As she hangs over the edge, she spots Dirk McGrath, walking along the jungle path. Seeing him, Lori quickly runs to the ladder, and begins climbing down. Halfway down, she missteps and falls the rest of the way, landing hard on her bottom, "Ahh...," she whimpers, and calls out to Dirk, "Hey! Dirk!"

"Uh?" Dirk looks around. Seeing Lori, he sighs, "Oh, it's you."

"I wanted to talk to you about that," Lori walks towards Dirk, her hands on her injured bottom, "Why are you so mean to me?"

"I don't like your kind," Dirk says, bluntly.

"What do you mean?" Lori asks, but quickly snaps her fingers, "Oh, I get it. You don't like girls that aren't models. Is that it, McGrath? Is that my big crime?"

"No," Dirk says, agitated, "That's not it."

"What is it then? Because let me be frank," Lori crosses her arms over her stomach, "You treat me like I'm crap."

"You want to know what it is?" Dirk rolls his eyes, "I can't stand people like you, who pretend to be all misfortunate and unlucky. I know why you do it, too. You do it for attention, and honestly, it's sad."

Diamond steps out of the treehouse, "Hey, Lori? Meredith stopped crying, if you felt like being conformist and coming back inside...," Diamond notices Lori and Dirk standing below. Listening closely, she watches the exchange.

"What do you mean?" Lori seems confused by Dirk's accusations.

"You know what I mean. You don't feel like you get enough attention, so you try and be silly, or play the sympathy card, or whatever it is you want to use to leech attention from people. I've been in this showbiz game for a short time, but I've seen enough of that to spot it from a mile away. It's written all over your face, Lori. You're fake. And you know what? Fake people never get what they want," Dirk's words bite hard at Lori, causing her to take a step backwards. Upon hearing Dirk's speech, Diamond's eyes faulter, and look off to the side, unable to keep watching. Nervously, she looks from left to right, and finally decides to go back into the tree house.

"Dirk, I'm not," Lori takes another step back, and trips on a tree root. Falling over, she looks up at Dirk, nervously, "I didn't do that on purpose."

"Uh-huh," Dirk nods, "Whatever you say, Lori."

"You know...I don't have to take this," Lori stands back up, brushing the sand from her bottom and back, "I put up with a lot of crap at school, and at my job, from people I've known all my life. Maybe that's why I don't stand up to them, because I know them, and because they know me. But you don't know me, Dirk. You don't know me, and I'm not going to take this from some...perverted, overweight, Chris McLean-wannabe, wood-working slob. So you know what? Go ahead, think what you want about me. I know the truth, so it doesn't matter what you think. You're a sad man, Dirk," Lori turns to walk away, and trips over the same root. Pounding her fist into the sand, Lori quickly stands up again, and climbs up the ladder. Dirk watches her for a moment, and walks away.

Walking through the woods, Paxton calls out, "Broderick! Hey, are you there, buddy?"

"I don't see him, do you?" Wheeler stumbles around through the jungle, staying close to Kirk and Paxton.

"No, Wheeler," Kirk yawns, "It's getting late, guys. We don't know what's in this jungle...we should head back to the treehouse, and look for him in the morning."

"I'm not going back without my friend," Paxton presses onward, "If you dudes want to head back, it's cool. I understand."

"What do you say, Whee-?" Kirk turns, and sees Wheeler running at a full-sprint back to camp. Kirk sighs, and turns to Paxton, who is now several yards in front of him, "We're heading back, man. Be careful."

"You know it, Kirk-bro," Paxton stops, "Hey...thanks for coming out with me. I know Broderick isn't your favorite person, but it means a lot that you helped. I'll let him know."

"You don't have to mention me, but thanks," Kirk smiles, and walks off.

Paxton continues walking through the dark. In the distance, he hears a high, alien cry. Raising his eyebrows, Paxton mumbles, "Whoa, dude. Sounds like something is gettin' ate," Paxton freezes, suddenly, and gulps, "That...that would be like, major suckitude, yo. Like, a nine pointer on the ouch-o-scale."

"What's a ten?"

Paxton lets out an incredibly high pitched wail, and drops to his knees, shielding his face with his hands, "Don't eat my stubble, please! It took months to nurse it to maturity!"

"Relax, bro," Broderick says, "It's just The Brod."

"Oh, oh, thank God," Paxton laughs, nervously, and stands up, "Come at me, bro!" Quickly, he hugs Broderick, "Oh, man. We've been looking for you, bro."

"We?" Broderick says, rejecting the hug.

"Yeah...there were some others, out here with me. It was getting dark, so I told them to go back," Paxton looks hurt by Broderick's rejection.

"Who?"

"Uh," Paxton thinks for a moment, "That Wheeler guy from my team, and..."

"And who?"

"That, uh...that Kirk dude," Paxton rubs his arm, unsure of how Broderick will react.

"Kirk?" Broderick looks confused, "What, was he looking for camera exposure?"

"Nah, it didn't seem like it," Paxton shrugs, "I think he just wanted to help."

"Kirk," Broderick begins, "Kirk is a snake. I know he is, because I know his type."

"What do you mean, he's a snake? How do you know?"

"He's just like I am," Broderick sits down on a fallen palm tree, "He's 'cool', and 'popular', just like me. I came out here to think...and Antonio was right, I'm a first-class prick."

"Nah, bro, you're not-" Paxton begins defending his friend, but the Iceman blocks him.

"Iceman knows himself better than anyone. I've...taken advantage of a lot of people. Girls, mostly. But I've rolled with the bros, you know? I've seen how they operate," Broderick wipes his forehead, "A lot of them were like Kirk. When they were in the spotlight, they were cool, and it was all good. But behind closed doors, they're trouble. They use and abuse, just like me, Pax."

"I don't think he's that way," Paxton says, "Granted, he seems like he's hiding something, sometimes, but I don't think it's that."

"What makes you so sure he's hiding something different?" Broderick stands up, and stretches.

"I just," Paxton breathes in, "I have a knack for knowing when bros be jivin', yo," Paxton scratches his arm, momentarily raising his sleeves over his elbow.

"Paxton...," Broderick stares at Paxton's arm, which is dotted with small, deeply red dots.

"What?" Paxton rolls his sleeve back down, looking confused.

Broderick stares hard at his friend, "Those are...some pretty wicked mosquito bites...huh, pal?" Broderick crosses his arms, and stares at the red bumps.

"Yeah...they itch like crazy, you know?" Paxton scratches his arm, feverishly.

"They are mosquito bites...right?" Broderick's face grows even more serious, "Be honest."

"Of course they are!" Paxton shouts. He soon regains his cool, "The first episode, everyone had to compete in their swimsuits. If I had something going on, someone would have seen it right then and there."

"Unless they happened after that," Broderick counters.

Paxton scowls, "You know, the last time I checked," Paxton grabs Broderick's hand and runs it over the dots, "Needles didn't make **raised** bumps. At least, not this raised. They're bites."

"Okay, okay," Broderick whips his hand away, "I was just making sure...Don't ever get mixed in with that sort of thing, brother."

"What makes you think I would, man?"

"You're a gambler. I assume you're attracted to fast thrills?" Broderick shrugs, "The high-roller lifestyle can catch up with you, pretty freakin' quickly. Soon you're doing things you'd never thought you would."

"How do you know?"

"I told you about the guys I've seen. I've watched them degenerate into something less. Something vile. It's always connected to the same thing, Pax. It's always drugs, or alcohol, or some cheap thrill. Something that was suppose to be fun, but...it messes you up, instead."

"Have you ever...?"

"No. And I never will. I've seen too many good people fall down that rabbit hole, and I'm not about to follow."

"We should get back," Paxton sighs.

"Yeah," Broderick rolls his sleeves back up, and unbuttons his shirt, allowing his 'Iceman' tattoo to become visible once more.

Paxton stares at the Iceman, "So, you're still going to act like Iceman?"

Broderick shrugs, "It's what they expect. Besides, it's not like it isn't me...It is me. Just, not all of me."

"Suit yourself, bud. I got your back," Paxton smiles, as the two friends begin walking back towards camp.

"I know."

"Brod?"

"Yeah, Pax?"

"I love you, bro."

"I love you too, man."

"Hey, Brod?"

"Yeah, Pax?"

"I'm straight."

"I know. Me too."

The next, Wheeler sits quietly on a rock, strumming his guitar, "Man," he says, blankly, "Sure is uneventful today." A coconut falls, and hits him squarely in the head, "Oh, there it is." Wheeler sighs, and continues strumming. Barbara approaches, and sits down next to him.

"Hey, Wheeler," Barbara brushes her hair away from her eyes, and watches him strum, "What are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm just trying to keep in practice, you know?" Wheeler, idle, continues playing aimless chords.

"Hey," Barbara pats Wheeler's arm, "You never told me your b-band's name."

"Oh...yeah," Wheeler blushes, "It's...Twisted Weasel."

Barbara smiles, exceptionally wide, "Whoa. That name kicks some serious backside."

"Yeah...," Wheeler blushes, and smiles slightly, "That's the word on the street."

Diamond passes by, stopping to witness the exchange. Waiting by a palm tree, she stays still until Barbara leaves.

"Hi, D-D-Diamond," Barbara says, politely, as she walks past.

"If you were a rock star, your stage name would be Barb Wire," Diamond smiles awkwardly, and then approaches Wheeler.

"Um. 'Kay," Barbara mumbles, as she walks off-camera.

"Can I help you?" Wheeler asks, as Diamond sits down next to him, "If you're coming to insult my neon green overshirt...please don't. I love this shirt. This shirt loves me."

Diamond laughs, "No, silly-willy-walnut-head."

"I enjoyed that cartoon," Wheeler interjects.

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Oh, nothing. I just thought you were making an obscure reference. Continue with what you were saying," Wheeler stops strumming and holds his guitar firmly to his chest, unsure of what Diamond wants.

"You're attracted to that Barbara doll," Diamond says, bluntly.

"Well, she is positive whenever I'm feeling negative," Wheeler smiles, slyly. Diamond looks back at him, unimpressed. Wheeler sighs, "Uh...sorry. Bad joke. Anyway...what makes you think I am?"

"Anyone with an I.Q. over fifteen can tell," Diamond brushes her bangs up, so that Wheeler can see that her eyebrow is also raised.

"Well," Wheeler shrugs, "She's cute."

"Horse hockey, you dig that chick like nobody's biz-nez," Diamond rolls her eyes.

"Did you just say 'horse hockey'? And 'biz-nez'?" Wheeler frowns.

"Irrelevent!" Diamond declares.

"Has anyone ever told you that your glasses don't actually have lenses?"

"Duh, that's why I wear them," Diamond rolls her eyes again, "But, enough of your disjointed statements. Do you want my advice or not?"

"Advice for what?" Wheeler exclaims, "I think this is the first time we've spoken face-to-face, and all you did was walk over, sit down next to me, and point out that I liked someone."

"Advice about that person, Donny Dorko," Diamond sighs, "Why do I even...?"

"Sure," Wheeler sobs in confusion, "Lay the advice on me, man."

"Honestly, I know what it's like, for you. You like her, but you feel stuck in the 'Friend-Zone'. I know, because I feel the same way about Shelby."

"I didn't know you were into chicks," Wheeler looks surprised.

"I'm straight," Diamond sighs, "Shelby is a dude."

"Interesting name."

"You're one to talk,_ Wheeler_. Anyway, I never was able to attract his attention," Diamond frowns.

"Oh, I see. You're saying I should accept that I'm not her type, and enjoy the friendship that Barbara and I share."

"That's the stupidest thing ever, and I've seen clowns."

"What about clowns?"

"Just...clowns. Isn't that enough?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right...so what are you trying to say, then?"

"I'm saying that you have to do something big and vibrant that will totally make her fall in love with you in one fell swoop and marry you and move into and old van, to live out the rest of your days as a Def Zeppelin groupie."

"Is that my fantasy or your's?" Wheeler asks, eyes wide and impressed, "Because it sounds pretty cool, either way."

"Attention," Dirk McGrath's voice booms across the island, "Meet by the elimination area for today's challenge."

"I guess you'll never find out which one it was," Diamond shrugs, and begins walking towards the elimination area.

"But...you could still tell me. After all, we're technically headed in the same direction," Wheeler stands up quickly, and waddles after Diamond, his sneakers doing poorly in the grainy sand.

"Eh, the moment is lost," Diamond shrugs.

From nearby, the rest of Diamond's team spots her talking to Wheeler. Erica looks confused, and turns to the group, "Hey, what is Diamond doing talking to that guy from the other team?"

"Probably just giving him fashion tips," Martina looks dreamily at Kirk, who does not notice her, "Or calling him a conformist swine. I'd believe either."

-Confessional- "I still think Kirk is really sweet, the way he listens to me. I think I'm starting to get a little bit of a crush on him," Martina explains, via the confessional, "It...it can be a little scary. I'm still not sure if I'll tell him or not. After all, I don't even know if we live close to each other, or not. If something were to spark between us, and he ended up somewhere on the other side of the country, it would just be another notch on my heartbreak belt," Martina lifts up a belt full of notchs. The words 'Heartbreak Belt' are spelled out in violet rhinestones. Martina looks at it, and then says awkwardly into the confession cam, "Um...I bedazzled it myself." -Confessional-

"It makes me nervous that she's talking to someone from the other team," Erica states, while Diamond is still well out of earshot, "Talking to the girls is one thing, since we need them when the merge comes, but a guy...something doesn't feel very good about this."

"Should we ask her about it?" Nora suggests.

"Hmm," Erica taps her finger to her chin for a moment, "Let's wait and see if we win the challenge, or not."

"Hey, slaves to the mainstream influence of the record companies and its affiliates," Diamond warmly greets her team.

"Yo," Broderick clicks his tongue.

"Enough talking," Dirk sighs, "I have to shamelessly promote something, before the challenge starts."

"Sell-out," several contestants cough under their breathe. Dirk rolls his eyes.

"Hello, and welcome to Total Drama: Pacific Island! I'm Dirk McGrath, younger brother of Mark McGrath. Do you viewers know how I keep my beard so thick and handsome?"

"Actually, yes," Paxton calls out from the back of the group. Dirk ignores him, and holds up a colorful box of cereal.

"Why, it's as simple as eating three hearty bowls of Mach-O's. Mach-O's;, the only cereal endorsed by Rasslemania. Be sure to buy yourself a box, it promises to put hair on your face," Dirk strokes his beard, and guzzles down half the box of Mach-O's.

"Cut," a random cameraman calls out.

"Okay, now, time for your challenge," Dirk says, still holding his cereal. Looking at it thoughtfully, he finishes the box off, and hands the empty cardboard to an intern, "Now, the natives of Paradise Island have a rich history of mating rituals. But, since this is a somewhat family oriented show, and some of you are minors, we're toning that down to _dating_ rituals. You'll pair off with someone of the opposite sex from the opposing team, and flirt away. Whoever blushes first is out, and the winner scores a point for their team. Since the Sissy Chicken Babies have an extra player, they'll need one of their girls to sit out."

"Lori," the team, except for Lori and Robin, call out in unison.

"Excellent choice," Dirk continues, "Now, I've taken the liberty of creating the pairs myself, so listen up. Jeffrey and Katherine are first."

"Go get 'im, love!" Judd calls out, as Katherine and Jeffrey approach each other.

"Hey," Jeffrey says, nonchalantly, "I like...your hair."

"Thanks," Katherine says, surprised, "I like that you're not being all compliment-crazy. It's actually...kind of nice," Katherine smiles softly at Jeffrey, who instantly blushes.

"What the heck was that?" Erica whispers to her team. Meredith smiles approvingly.

"That's one point for the Sissy Chicken Babies," Dirk announces, "Next up, Judd and Meredith."

Judd and Meredith square off, both sizing each other up. Judd begins, "You have nice shoes."

"I like your fishing hook," Meredith counters.

"Your hair is silky."

"You look like an upstanding person."

"I love your skin tone."

"Red is so your color."

A montage of soundless backhanded compliments play, as Dirk finally steps in, "Okay, okay...it has been forty-five minutes...I'm calling this one a draw. One point for each team. Next up, Paxton and Erica."

Erica breathes deep, and confidently walks towards Paxton, who shuffles aimlessly.

-Confessional- "This is it," Erica smiles, "Time to show my father that I can get by fine without falling over some guy." -Confessional-

"Heeeey, Erica. It's been a while, since we talked. I think episode one was the last time. What are we at now, episode three, four?" Paxton smiles, and casually brushes his hair out of his face. The sun shines brilliantly on his stubble.

"It's episode five," Erica smiles, amused by Paxton's cluelessness, "And yes, it has been a while."

"How have you been? I remember you told me about your dad," Paxton looks sympathetic, "Let me tell you," he places his hand on Erica's shoulder, "It's not cool, how he looks at things. I'm sure he's coming from a different time and place, but you should keep pushing on. You're a smart girl, you'll get somewhere in life," Paxton smiles, and Erica blushes.

-Confessional- Erica stares blankly into the camera, and then facepalms herself. -Confessional-

"Another point for the Sissy Chicken Babies!" Dirk announces, "The score is three to one. Next up is...," another montage plays, showing Cooper and Nora, Broderick and Christy, Sawyer and Martina, and Hudson and Barbara facing off. Dirk tallies up the results, "Alright, people. We're tied at four to four. Next up, is Wheeler and Diamond."

"You look like that guy who plays guitar for Aerialsmith," Diamond calls out, while walking towards Wheeler, "You know, the one with the hair."

"Oh, _him_," Wheeler rolls his eyes, "Because no one else in that band has hair."

"Uhm," Diamond thinks to herself, "You look...like..."

"You look like a hipster!" Wheeler calls out, spontaneously.

"You...you really think so?" Diamond smiles, and blushes, slightly, "I...I mean, well, _duh_!"

"There was a blush, point to Sissy Chicken Babies," Dirk yawns, "Alright, Rapscallions can still tie it up. The last match is Kirk versus Robin. Get to it, ya'll."

Kirk looks at Robin, slightly uncomfortable, "Hey. So...what do we do?"

"I don't know," Robin mumbles, "I don't care to have everyone staring at us, though."

"I know what you mean," Kirk scratches the back of his head, "It feels like I'm back in school..."

"I'm not used to attention, like you are," Robin begins looking somewhat frightened, as the two teams watch intently, "I'm used to fading back."

"How can no one notice you?" Kirk looks surprised, "I noticed you."

"I know," Robin holds her arm, "That was new to me. Sorry, about how harsh I was," Robin looks side to side, and begins looking extremely uncomfortable, "Can we...can we end this? I really don't feel like being watched, anymore..."

"Yeah, sure..." Kirk looks concerned, "How can I make you blush?"

"I don't know," Robin looks around nervously, his whisper getting slightly more frantic.

"Okay...look, I hate seeing you so scared...here's what I'll do...look away," Kirk closes his eyes, and drops his pants, exposing his bright cyan underwear. Several girls call out, and whistle, while the males laugh and point. Kirk blushes, extremely red, and quickly pulls his pants back up.

"Well...that was odd. But, Kirk blushes, so point to Sissy Chicken Babies, who are the winner of today's challenge!" Dirk announces, "As for you Rapscallions, I'll see you at elimination, tonight."

"What the heck was your logic?" Broderick calls out angrily at Kirk.

Kirk shrugs, "I thought it would embarass her if she say me take my pants off...but she must have caught on, because she looked away before I could catch them. Everyone started laughing at me...and, well...I'm sorry, guys."

"You realize that if I didn't need your vote, you'd be out, tonight?" Broderick crosses his arms, and flares up at Kirk.

Looking over his shoulder at the whispering females of his team, Kirk sighs, "Well, I still might be going home."

-Confessional- "Okay, in retrospect...that was a terrible, terrible move...it seemed much less...well, stupid, in the moment, though," Kirk slumps down, resting his head in his hand, "At least it ended that stupid challenge." -Confessional-

"We have the numbers advantage," Meredith points out, "We need to vote out one of the boys, as you all know. Now, the problem is, do we want to get rid of Broderick or Kirk? Broderick is clearly their leader, but Kirk screwed us over today."

"I say Jeffrey is a candidate, too," Erica points out, "I mean, he had to choose today to lose the whole sycophantic praise hoo-ha? Kirk at least tried."

"Well, whatever you guys decide, let me know," Diamond walks away, "I need to go talk to that Wheeler guy about something."

As Diamond gets far enough away, Erica huddles the girls, "Diamond is also a target. I don't like her spending so much time with that guy from the other team."

Soon, at the elimination ceremony, Dirk picks a handful of strawberries from a small plastic container, "Alright, you know the drill, peeps. If you get a strawberry, you're safe. If not, you're out. The strawberries go to...Martina, Hudson, Nora, Meredith, Erica, and Broderick," Dirk rapidly shoots out strawberries to the safe contestants.

"Whoa, bottom three again?" Diamond looks slightly nervous, "How 'bout that?"

"The next strawberry goes to...Kirk," Dirk tosses a strawberry to the boy.

"Do what?" Kirk catches his strawberry, utterly surprised.

"Whoa, bottom two?" Diamond looks nervous once again, "How...'bout...that?"

"The final strawberry of the evening goes to...," Dirk watches the two contestants closely.

"Diamond," Dirk chucks the final strawberry to the hipster, who catches it on top of her fluffy hat.

"Welp," Jeffrey stands up and stretches, "It's been fun, everyone."

As Jeffrey walks away, towards the jungle path, Meredith runs after him, "Hey...sorry I was so harsh on you. I saw a lot of myself in you...well, the way I was before I met this one guy...Tell me, why did you drop the act?"

"You saw through me...," Jeffrey shrugged, "You were very harsh...but I think that's what I needed. I realized that by being fake, and censoring myself, and complimenting the daylights out of everyone I met...I was letting them win."

"Who is them?" Meredith looks slightly confused, "You never mentioned a 'them'."

"It's not important, now," Jeffrey smiles, "I have to get going. Thanks for the help, even if you were rough. Friends?"

"Friends," Meredith smiles weakly, and watches Jeffrey leave through the jungle path of loserdom.

"Well, that was shocking. I thought that guy would go a lot farther," Dirk opens up another box of Mach-O's, and gorges himself as Jeffrey leaves, "Goin jus ness tim, ahn Toal...Drada...Paffic Iwand!" Dirk closes the show, through a mouthful a cereal.


	6. Chapter 6

The male contestants remaining in the game slouch over their meager breakfast, sleep deprivation cleanly written on their eyes. Paxton hunches over and pukes in a garbage can.

"Dude," Wheeler grimaces, "You're puking a lot lately...maybe it's time you called it quits and just went home."

"Hmm," Paxton wipes his mouth with Judd's napkin. The punk scowls as Paxton thinks for a moment, "Maybe you're right, barrel-shaped bro. I just wish I knew what it was. Usually I only get this sick when I have dairy," Paxton sighs, and pours himself a glass of 2% milk.

Kirk looks confused, "Uh...Paxton?"

"Yes, sharply dressed bro?" Paxton chugs the milk, and vomits once more.

"What are you drinking milk if you're lactose intolerant?" Kirk scooches away to avoid the splashs of vomit.

Paxton chuckles, "Haha, silly bro. Only 2% of this is actually milk. That much wouldn't do this to me."

"Aye, Dios mio," Cooper shakes his head, "And what do you think the other 98% is?"

"A mystery's afoot!" Hudson shoots up in his seat, holding his magnifying glass high in the air. A ceiling fan knocks it out of his hand and sends to against the wall, where it shatters, "D'awe...," Hudson sits back down, depressed.

"Beats me, Latin bro," Paxton shrugs. Cooper takes the milk away before he can drink anymore.

"Estupido," Cooper shakes his head once more and holds the carton just out of Paxton's reach.

Broderick points a finger at Cooper, "Hey! Be nice to him. He's having a rough time."

Paxton, doe-eyed, looks up at Broderick, "How am I going to grow big and strong without the proper beverage to start my day, homes?"

"I dunno, dawg," Broderick frowns, "But don't you worry. We'll find a way," Broderick narrows his eyes at Cooper, "We'll find a way." Broderick and Paxton hug, tearfully.

In the confessional, Sawyer uncomfortably shifts in his seat, "Sometimes I wonder about Paxton...," Sawyer rubs the back of his neck, "He seems a bit...slow. Good looking fellow, though. Not much in the upstairs, but good looking fellow. Strange friendship with that tan gentleman..."

Across the treeline, at the girls' treehouse, the Sissy Chicken Baby females are seated opposite the Rapscallion females, Erica in the middle of her team.

"Now ladies," Erica begins, "I know we're technically rivals at the moment, but the girls and I have a proposal to make."

Barbara, Katherine, Lori, and Christy looks around to each other, while Robin focuses on Erica. Giving the southern belle a sharp gaze, Robin replies, "We're listening."

Erica smiles, "I didn't take you for the leadership type, Robin."

Robin's bangs conceal her raised eyebrow, "Are you going to tell us what you want, or just sit there and smile through your perfectly brushed hair and perfectly shaded lips, and give us all left-handed compliments? Because I, for one, would like to get on with my day."

"Come on, Robin," Christy urges, "Let's hear her out."

"It couldn't hurt to hear what she has to say," Lori shrugs.

"Good for you, for speaking up for yourself," Erica smiles as Lori, who smiles proudly in return, "You're really coming along, Lauren."

"It's Lori," the awkward girl corrects, "But, but, you can call me Lauren, if you want. It's cool. It's chill, guuurl."

Erica tries desperately to keep her smile, "Um, that it is, sugar. Anyway, Nora, Diamond, Meredith, Martina, and myself just wanted to suggest something to you gals."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the tin-can-string-combo, dude," Diamond starts to stand up, "I didn't agree to none o' that," Erica snaps her fingers, prompting Martina and Meredith to get up, and each grab one of Diamond's arms and force her back into her seat, "Hmmm. Being held against my will to participate in something you all refused to let me in on. Very retro."

"There's a thousand reasons why we left you out of the discussion," Nora mumbles.

Meredith leans in to Diamond, and lifts up the earflap of her hat, "Just sit down and shut up."

"Girls, please," Erica calmly quiets her posse, "The girls and I wanted to propose and all-lady final ten. Think about it, there's ten of us left, five on each team. We'd all get to the merge, and with five on each side, neither side could immediately gang up on the other."

"What about the guys, though?" Katherine asks, and Barbara nods.

"Yeah, some of the guys are our f-f-f-friends."

"I know that," Erica sighs, "But none of us came here strictly to make friends, did we?" None of the girls answer, "That's what I thought. Besides, you wouldn't be without friends. We can all be friends. On top of that, we've each prepared a reason why your team would be better off without each of the males you have left."

"Cooper's got gang ties," Nora begins, "That's not something I'd want on _my_ team."

"And Wheeler's out of shape," Meredith continues down the line, "He's bringing the team down with his girth. On the other hand, that's a lot of sympathy if he makes the final two. It's too risky either way."

Skipping over Erica and going to Martina, the heartbreak-kid folds her arms, "Sawyer's big and goofy. He hasn't meshed well with any of the other guys, let alone any of you."

Diamond says nothing, gaining the stares of the other four girls, "What? You guys left me out of this."

"Sweetie, remember the cue-card I gave you?" Erica removes Diamond's hat, revealing a cue-card on top of her head.

"Oh, right," Diamond takes it, and reads it aloud with minimal, if any, enthusiasm, "Judd is big and scary. It's scary how big Judd is...conformist pigs." Katherine glowers at Diamond. Diamond leans over to Martina, and whispers, "I ad-libbed the last part. But don't tell no one." Martina rolls her eyes.

"What about Paxton?" Robin looks at Erica expectantly.

"Hmm? What do you mean?" Erica blushes, slightly.

"Paxton's the fifth guy on our team, and I assume you're going to tell us why he should get axed. After all, you didn't give a reason for anyone else," Robin smirks.

Erica, blushing more intensely now, replies, "Well...Paxton should be obvious to all of us. I didn't feel the need to state the obvious. But, if I must. Paxton is way too likable. It's not like he's Broderick, who no one wants around. That's his secret weapon."

Back at the men's treehouse, Broderick perks up while applying hairspray, "My ego sense is tingling. Someone...doesn't love me..."

"I think a lot of people don't love you," Wheeler says through a spoonful of Mach-O's.

Cutting back to the females, Robin's triumphant smile remains in sight for all to see, forcing blush after blush to wash over Erica's once confident face, "You've got the love bite, honey."

"Not true!" Erica readies her defense, "I'm not constantly hanging around him, like you are with Kirk. That's right, we all know you two hang around each other. He's probably got your lipstick on his collar right now."

Once again in the men's domain, cool guy Kirk perks up, "I just got the feeling someone is saying something awkward about me."

"I think a lot of people say awkward stuff about you," Wheeler comments, while helping himself to a second bowl of Mach-O's.

Robin laughs, low and dark, "You can say what you want. I'm secure in my friendships, and my makeup. You, however, could use a little more foundation, here," Robin leans over the table and pokes Erica's blushing cheek, "and here," the goth taps the belle's other cheek, and sits back down.

Flustered, Erica retaliates, "Fine, maybe we should keep Paxton. He can take your spot in the final ten," Erica shoves the gothic queen's hands away in anger, "Are you girls in or not?"

"Even if it works, and the ten of us make it to the merge...do you really think it's fair for us to just work against each other, once we get there?" Christy folds her arms, uncomfortable with the discussion, "I don't like the idea of just separating back into teams once we get to the merge. It feels like betrayal to me."

Martina jolts in her seat, "Betrayal? Whoa, Erica, maybe we should think about this more. I don't want to be part of a betrayal," the heartbreak gal turns to her leader, looking for approval.

"Christy, honey," Erica ignores Martina's shakey reaction, "That's how the game goes. You have to make choices like that, sometimes." The belle rests her hands on the desk, clearly losing her patience with the conference.

"But it isn't fair," Martina interjects, "We can't just work together and then turn on them. We need to figure out another way to handle the merge."

Katherine sighs, "I couldn't vote for Judd. He's a good guy, and voting him out would just reinforce his idea that life is against him," Katherine turns to Erica, "I can appreciate you trying to play the game, but I think your logic is flawed."

"My logic?" Erica stands up, unable to continue on with the conversation. Her brow furrows, and her lips curl with dissatisfaction, "You people think you can just keep your friends around the whole game. Well, it doesn't work that way, gals. Every week, we have to end the day with one less person. So your boyfriend," Erica directs herself at Katherine, "Your lover," Erica whips around to Robin, "Your buddy," finally, Erica looks around at all the women, "Will have their name written down one way or another. If not them, then possibly you. I'm trying to help all of you get farther than you would on your own. Please, reconsider." Before she leaves, Erica turns to Robin one last time, and gives her an eyeful of pure rage, "I'll see you around the campfire." Erica walks out of the treehouse, fuming. Her gang of Nora, Diamond, and Meredith follow suit, while Martina loiters behind.

Martina watches the faces of each girl still sitting at the table, "I'm sorry...I've got to go," Martina shamefully exits, behind her posse.

"Don't worry, Robin," Katherine says, "We're not going to vote you out just because Erica wants you gone. We're teammates, aren't we, girls?" Barbara, Christy, and Lori nods their heads, smiling, "And they're still the enemy."

Robin, unsure of how to react, smiles a very small, but genuine smile. Her eyebrows, unsour for the first time that day, soften, and with them, the rest of her rigid face softens, "I appreciate the thought."

Katherine blushes, "You're a lot more pretty when you smile." Barbara, Christy, and Lori immediately shoot glances over to Katherine, and then back to Robin. Katherine's eyes widen, "Not that I was like, trying to make a pass or anything, I just...you know, I thought you should know, because I don't think you get compliments a lot," Katherine brushes her frizzy hair back, "Not that you don't deserve them, you totally do! I just, um..."

Robin stands up, "Katherine, it's alright. Calm down. You don't have to explain yourself. I don't have a problem with your preferences. Just know that I don't share them," Robin looks around at her teammates, "Come on, guys. Let's go find Dirk. I'm sure that slug is about to start the challeeenge."

Barbara, Christy, Robin, and Lori exit, as Katherine sighs to herself, "The best ones are always straight," the frizzy blonde exits behind the female half of her team, keeping a sullen distance.

In the confessional, Katherine's sullen mood erupts, "I've been feeling like I rushed into my relationship with Judd. I like him, but I don't really know much about him...He's handsome, and has a really hot accent, but that's about it," Katherine twirls a finger into her frizzy curls, "I don't want to flip-flop on this...and I'm trying really hard not to. But, in doing so, I feel trapped in the relationship. It's totally my fault too, because I let it move too fast..."

Judd knocks on the confessional door, "Are you in ther', love? Dirky's startin' the challenge."

Katherine looks at the confessional camera, flushed and pale with fear, "I really hope he missed what I said...," she whispers, before replying to her beau, "Uh, yeah, just letting off some steam. I'll be there in a sec."

Judd stands outside the confessional, waiting for Katherine to exit. When she finally does, the two grasp hands, and walk to the challenge. Judd smiles, "I'm glad you decided to go out wit' me."

Katherine nods her head through a smile, "Uh-huh."

"Gather 'round, chil'uns," Dirk steps out into the forest clearing as the two teams gather together, "To hear a story of loss and heartbreak." Martina immediately starts to walk away, but Dirk calls out, "Annnnd if you don't stay you're eliminated." Martina sighs deep from her chest, and, defeated, walks back to her team. Dirk smiles, "That's better. Now, the proud natives of Paradise Ilse never really had any problems with slavery. Thankfully, Europeans were unable to find the island during the age of imperialism. However, in later years, the peaceful natives were plagued by an ever more unholy horde...tourists!"

A native teen in a green polo shirt and tan cargo shorts walks up to Dirk, and reads from some note cards, "Approximately 91% of my home island's revenue comes from tourism. How much longer will we have to suffer?" The teen finishes, unenthusiastically, and stuffs the note cards in his pockets.

"Thank you for that touching speech, Jeremaqui'quam," Dirk claps, and wipes the flowing tears away from his eyes.

"I told you, man, call me 'Jeremy'," the teen rolls his eyes.

"Hahaha," Dirk slaps the annoyed teen on his back, "Oh, Jeremaqui'quam. Humor is a trait deeply rooted in your people. Would you care to finish announcing the challenge?"

Jeremy takes a pair of sunglasses out of his polo shirt's front pocket, and flicks them open, "That's your job, slick. I've gotta skedaddle. I've got a hot date with the ice cream girl at Sven & Barry's. Peace, fool."

Dirk laughs heartily, "Oh, man. The way that kid deals with his inner turmoil is hilarious. It almost makes me forget that he's probably dead inside."

Most of the teens look confused. Wheeler speaks up, "I'm not so sure, Dirk. He seemed pretty happy."

"Whatever, what do you know about internal strife?" Dirk sneers, and prepares his own cue-cards.

Wheeler looks and looks blankly into the camera, and then back at Dirk, "Uh, I think I-hey, what? Are you writing your own cue cards?"

Dirk checks his cue cards, "I'm not sure, I don't have anything in my notes about that. But what I DO have in my notes is that for this challenge, tourists will chase you through the woods. If they catch you, you're out of the challenge. Now, since the Sissy Chicken Babies have two extra people, I'll give them the choice of sitting two people out or giving the Rapscallions a thirty-second head start."

After huddling for a few seconds, the Sissy Chicken Babies turn back, "We'll give them the head start," Robin announces for her team.

"Very good," Dirk begins. However, he is interrupted by a peculiar sound in the island's distance.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeehooooooooooooo ooo!"

The contestants look around the clearing, and then to each other. Seeing nothing around that could make the noise they just heard, the kids turn to Dirk, who is no longer in sight.

"Dirk?" Barbara calls out.

Bushes rustles, and Dirk's head pokes through the leafy cover, "Pssst. I'm. Not. Here."

"Wooo! Woo! Wooo!" A large, light blue pickup truck busts through the forest into the clearing, scattering the frightened and confused contestants. A large, rotund man with a thick, full beard is driving the truck. His eyes are obscured by his bangs and large trucker cap. The driver wears a plaid shirt with rolled up sleeves; an embroidered patch on his left breast reads 'Buford'. A second man, much skinnier, is standing in the bed of the pickup. Through his whoops and hollers, it is clear that he is missing several of his teeth. He is dressed much more leisurely than his companion; donning only a large, floppy hat and overalls. He, too, has facial hair, however patchy and immature it may be. Beside this skinnier, grungier man, an exceedingly droopy bloodhound cheers with him. The dirtier, lanky fellow hops out of the truck bed as it comes to a stop. The dog, too, hops from the bed, but less enthusiastically. The larger of the pair calmly steps out of the cab, scratching his ample gut.

"'Scuse me, kids," the large man grunts, "Didn't mean'a scare yah's."

"Woo, woo! Nice drivin' Buford! Now, where's that city boy?" the lankier man slaps Buford on the back; an action that fails to move the mountainous man at all.

"Excuse me, my good bumpkins," Sawyers steps forth, ahead of the rest, "I believe I'm the most metropolitan of those present. Would you by any chance be looking for myself?"

"Who're you, boy?" the lanky hillbilly takes a wad of purple mass from a small pouch, and begins chewing, "Can I offer yah's some grape Big League Chew? 'Mazing stuff. We jus' got it in, back home."

"Oh, terribly sorry, good man, but I fear I must decline. Gum gets stuck in my gap," Sawyer points to the gap between his front teeth, "I am Sawyer Elwes Hyde, at your service," Sawyer extends his hand to the man.

Spitting in his hand before shaking, the stumpjumper smiles as full a smile as he can, with so little teeth, "Nice t'meet yah's, Sawyer. Name's Jimmy Joe-Joe! But my friends just call me Jimmy. My brother here is Buford, and that droopy som'gun over there is our faithful huntin' dog, Otis."

"Hey, fellows, it's okay! They aren't cannibals!" Sawyers calls out to the rest of the teens, who slowly begins reappearing out of the brush. Sawyer pauses for a second, "Wait, you aren't cannibals, are you?" Buford and Jimmy shake their heads.

"What are you degenerates doing on my island?" Broderick folds his arms, impatiently, while sizing up the two country folk.

"Yer island? I don't think so, skippy," Jimmy Joe-Joe pushes Broderick out of the way, "I ain't takin' no guff from a man in sandals."

"Whoa," Broderick sighs, as Paxton helps him back to his feet, "I have so much more respect for that guy." Paxton nods in agreement. "Well, sir," Broderick calls out, "What are you here for?"

"I'm lookin' for Dirk McGrath, host a' that Total Dramy show," Jimmy Joe-Joe looks around the clearing, "You kids must be the contestants. You know where'e is?"

Lori, the only contestant nearby, glances at the bush Dirk is hiding behind, and thinks for a moment. Dirk presses his head over so slightly out of the bush and gives Lori a weak smile and accompanying thumbs-up.

Lori sits in the confessional, arms and legs folded in thought, "Dirk's been nothing but a total thug to me since this show started. But, I'm not the vindictive type."

"He's in that bush," Lori points directly at Dirk, with a clear smile of satisfaction.

Back in the confessional, Lori shrugs her shoulders, "Well, for the most part I'm not."

Panicked and sweating, Dirk looks to the sky, putting his hands together, "God, if you haven't totally given up on me, please, please kill me before they find me."

A large jungle cat leaps out of the brush, just to the side of Dirk. Growling and hissing at the chubby host, the beast leaps into the air, claws and fangs bared. Inches before it can rip Dirk apart, Buford's large, hairy arm forcefully grabs the cat. Dropping the jungle cat to the ground, Buford points off in the distance, "Begone, majestic creature. Ye shall live another day. Mmmhmm," Buford scratches his gut once more, as the terrified cat slinks off into the jungle.

Sighing and looking back at the sky, Dirk shrugs, "Well, thanks for trying."

"Wooo-wee," Jimmy Joe-Joe slaps his knee, "Dang, Buford! That was some dag-gum good cat-catching if'n I ever seen none! Dirk! What chu doin' in the the bushes, big brother?"

"Brother?" Lori stiffles her laughter, "I am so sorry."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, too," Dirk sighs, as Buford lifts Dirk to his feet with one arm, "The gene pool didn't treat us all equal."

Lori shakes her head, "No, no. I'm sorry they have you for a brother." Dirk glares at the awkward moment-magnet as he brushes himself off.

Wheeler and Barbara glance at Jimmy Joe-Joe's patchy facial hair and missing teeth. Wheeler leans in to Barbara and whispers, "Looks like their gene pool might be a little shallow." Barbara raises her eyebrows and stares oddly at Wheeler, clearly weirded out by the round rocker's suggestion.

Wheeler holds his head in his hands as he relaxes in the confessional, "It was just a joke," he laments, "I was just trying to make her laugh, you know? Maybe get a little smile out of her. I used to be able to make her smile."

"Dirk didn't tell you he had brothers?" Jimmy looks at Dirk, and then to Buford, "Shoooot, I bet he didn't even tell you his middle name."

"What's your middle name, Dirky?" Lori jabs Dirk in the ribs with her elbow, "C'mon, we all want to know." The rest of the contestants nod, while some snicker.

Dirk rolls his eyes and sighs, "Rufus."

Lori lays her hand on Dirk's shoulder, "Dirk Rufus McGrath. It has a certain ring to it, don't you agree, Dirk Rufus McGrath? The kind of ring that just...makes you want to constantly repeat it."

"I hate you," Dirk Rufus McGrath sneers, as Lori soaks in her vindication, "I'm going to make your time here unbearable."

"You already do, Dirk Rufus McGrath. But this time," Lori hugs Dirk, tightly, "I'm just too freaking happy to care."

"Whoa, bros and bro-ettes," Paxton speaks up, "I thought super successful Sugar Ray front man Mark McGrath was your brother, dawg?"

"I'm surprised you believe me," Dirk says, "Clearly I was lying."

"Even I saw through that one," Hudson shakes his head. Paxton blushes and hides in the back of the crowd. Broderick bumps Paxton's arm with his fist.

"Don't worry, bro, you're not the only one who believed him."

Paxton's eyes light up, "You believed him too, broseph?"

Broderick doubles over laughing, "Oh, God, no. I'm smart." Paxton sighs, and slumps over.

"Anyway," Dirk breaks away from Lori, "Yes, these are my younger brothers. Jimmy is seventeen, Buford is sixteen."

"That thing is only sixteen?" Meredith gasps.

Buford grunts, deeply, "'Tis but a boy trapped in a man's body. Mhmm."

Meredith ponders this revelation in the confessional, "I've never understood how some people can be young, and look like they're forty. People like Dirk and his brother Buford. On the other hand, you're got people the same age who look like they're twelve. Like that Antonio kid," Meredith shudders, "That kid still gives me the creeps, even if he was faking, or whatever his excuse was. Why can't people just look their age?"

Sitting quietly in the confessional, Christy sighs, "You know, I work out every day. I do aerobic, cardio, and muscle endurance. I work so, so, sooo hard to condition my body to top form. And yet, even with all of that, there are still people like that Buford guy, who are strong enough to stop a wild jaguar with their bare hands, and what kills me is that he probably sits around all day itching himself and eating peaches. And he looks so mature! Why can't I look a few years older?"

"That Jimmy, man," Kirk, looking particularly uncomfortable, shifts nervously in the confessional, "He looks like he's done some hard living. Missing teeth, no shoes, patchy hair...he looks nothing like Dirk or Buford."

Stepping into the confessional outhouse, Jimmy looks around, "I don't get it, doesn't smell like all them city folk been usin'...wait, what?" Jimmy spots the confessional camera, "Iss'at a camera? In the john? What kinna pervert spies on kids in the outhouse? Don't worry, you stupid city kids," Jimmy grabs the camera, "Ol' Jimmy's gonna save ya'll from the perverts." Jimmy yanks the camera off the outhouse wall, and drops it to the ground, smashing it. Nodding to himself, Jimmy smiles, "Ye' done good, Jimmy m'boy. Ye' done good." Stepping out of the confessional, Jimmy walks up to the nearest cameraman, "Ya make me sick," Jimmy spits on the man's shoes and walks away.

"Have any trouble in there?" Dirk asks his brother, as Jimmy Joe-Joe returns from the confessional. Jimmy says nothing, only scowling at his older brother. Dirk looks away awkwardly, "Uh, okay, moving on. In case you people were wondering what my brothers and our dog Otis were doing here...well, so was I, until a few minutes ago. Turns out the producers thought it would be funny to use them in the challenge this week," Dirk briefly grimaces directly into the camera before continuing, "They'll be playing the tourists. It's your job to hide from you. If they find you, you're out. First team to lose all members is out, the other team gets immunity."

"An' the producer-folk we kind enough to equip us with these here high techy net guns," Jimmy points as Buford holds up something resembling an elephant gun, "Them there net guns fire nets. Plus, we got the best trackin' dog the Yukon has to offer."

"Mhmm," Buford adds, his deep and booming voice monotone. Otis howls in agreement, "Otis gon' getcha."

Martina nudges Kirk, "They aren't actually going to shoot us, are they?"

"No, of course not. It's just a rope, how bad could it be?" Kirk smiles confidently at Martina, while giving her a thumbs up.

"Challenge starts now!" Dirk quickly shouts, and ducks to the ground. Buford immediately shoots the net gun at Kirk, capturing him right off the bat. Martina screams and runs off into the jungle, with most of the other contestants doing the same. Buford presses a small yellow button on the side of the gun, causing the net to retract back into the gun, dragging Kirk across the jungle floor.

"Okay," Kirk winces in the confessional, with a plethora of rope burns across his face, "Not my finest moment," Kirk tenderly touches one of the marks on his face, and winces again.

"Woo-wee, yeah! That's some good shootin', Buford!" Jimmy slapped his knee, and leaned over the captured Kirk, "Boy howdy, you didn't see that one comin', didja, boy? C'mon, Buford, let's get this'un squared away."

Buford lifts the trapped Kirk into the air, and walks over to a nearby tree with a low hanging branch. Securing the net to the branch, Buford leaves Kirk hanging in mid-air, only a few feet from the ground, "Wait here, mhmm."

"Hey...Hey!" Kirk struggles frantically against the rope prison, "Let me out of this thing!"

"Sorry, mis'ser," Jimmy shrugs, "If we let you go, we jus' gotta catcha again. Now, c'mon, Otis! Sniff out them kids!" As Jimmy commands, Otis gives a loud howl, and runs off into the jungle, with Jimmy and Buford in close pursuit, "Yeeeeah, buddy! You git'em, Otis! Go'n out there and git'em!"

Still hanging from the branch, Kirk stops struggling, and sighs, "Well, at least I get to relax for the rest of the challenge," Kirk attempts to shift himself into a comfortable position. As he is shifting, several wolves slowly trot out of the jungle brush, and encircle the hanging Kirk, growling and baring their teeth. A panic stricken Kirk frantically calls out to a nearby cameraman, "Hey! Hey, you! Help me get out of here!"

"No can do, brah," the cameraman clicks his tongue. Moving his camera out of the way, the cameraman is revealed to be the native teen, Jeremy, from Dirk's demostration, "I'm only here to earn some extra scratch for my sweet date. I'd prefer not to get eaten by wolves, you dig?"

Wild and excitedly, Paxton runs through the jungle, screaming and flailing about. As he runs past a particularly large bush, the handsome young man is tackled by Judd, who covers his mouth, muffling his screams. The British thug drags the pretty boy behind the bush, uncovering Paxton's mouth. Frightened, the slacker calls out, "Ah! Ah! Please, d-don't hurt me!"

Judd, scowling, shakes the boy, "Shut your mouth and calm down, dolt. You're gonna give us away."

"Calm down?" Paxton wheezes, "How can I calm down? There are two crazy hillbillies with net guns and a dog named Otis coming after us! What kind of souless being names a dog Otis? They're gonna kill us, and feed us to their Otis!" Annoyed, Judd slaps the normally relaxed and mellow boy. Shaking his head as if waking from a dream, Paxton reverts back to his usual demeanor, "Whoa, thanks, violent-bro. I needed that."

"What another?" Judd raises his hand again, but lowers it when Paxton quickly shakes his head. Turning the slacker around, Judd explains, "We're all here. We're hiding out as a team."

As he is turned, Paxton sees the rest of his team crouching behind the large bush, "That seems like a risky move."

"Don't think of it as a risky move. This of it as," Christy puts her arm around Paxton, "A risky gamble."

"Hahaha," Paxton points at Christy, "Now you're speaking my language."

"It's only risky if you keep making noise," Cooper shushes the two, "Keep your voices down, please."

Keeping her arm around Paxton, Christy looks at him, softly, "How are you feeling today, Paxton?"

"A lot better," Paxton smiles.

"Are you still throwing up?" Christy asks, concerned for her friend's well being, "I worry about that, you know."

"Funny story," Paxton chuckles, "Turns out 2% milk is actually like, 100% milk." Cooper rolls his eyes, and shakes his head in disappointment.

"Hearing you talk makes me fear the future of our country," Cooper shifts away from the two, unable to take anymore of Paxton's absurdity.

Christy frowns at the gruff teen, "Hey, lay off. Paxton's just a little silly," turning back to Paxton, Christy smiles warmly, "I'm glad that's all it was."

"Love birds," Barbara grins at the two, "You guys make a c-c-cute pair."

"You think so?" Christy glances between the sweet stutterer and her slacker friend, "Paxton and I are just friends."

"You'd know a thing or two about spotting cute pairs," Wheeler sheepishly smiles at Barbara, who again looks uncomfortable with the portly guitarist.

"What do you mean?" Barbara crawls a few inches further from the bearded musician.

"Uh," Wheeler runs his hand through his hair, nervously, "I dunno, really. I just figured you'd know what I meant, I guess."

"How could I p-p-possibly understand when you said it, and not even y-you know?" Barbara, confused, looks away from Wheeler. Wheeler hangs his head, regretfully.

The mountain of a man, Buford, carries two nets filled with teens in each hand. The four teens; Nora, Martina, Meredith, and Diamond, grumble as they are carried off. Jimmy meanders behind, dragging a net containing Hudson with great difficulty, as Otis rests on top of the hulking mass that is Hudson.

"This is probably the most dignified I've looked all season," Hudson says to himself, "I'm moving up in the world!" Hudson congratulates himself, as Jimmy drags the wannabe P.I. through the dirt. Otis licks Hudson's face through the net.

"Shut up, Hudson," Nora snaps, "It's your fault we all got captured, in the first place. If anything, you're moving down the totem pole."

Lip quivering, Hudson cries, "Nora...I, I thought we were friends..."

"We are friends," Nora assures, "And as you're friend, I'm telling you...this is completely your fault."

"Oh," Hudson says blankly, "Thanks!"

"I wouldn't be thanking anyone for anything, if I were you," Martina growls, "You're probably going home, tonight."

"Wait! Martina, I thought you and I were chums?"

"We are chums," Martina rolls her eyes before assuring the oafish detective of their friendship, "As you're amigo, I'm telling you that you suck at this game."

"Oh," Hudson reconsiders, "Thanks, I guess. Chums do need to be honest with each other. Even if you choose the brutal approach."

"You've definitely got my vote," Meredith scowls harshly at Hudson.

"Hold on a spanish tic, Meredith! I thought we were amigos?"

Meredith scoffs, "Fool, I hate you." The stocky, oafish investigator openly sobs.

"Oh, snap," Diamond chuckles, "You got served. Served like a cheap conformist sandwich on a bargin brand paper plate."

Sighing with a messy mix of guilt and annoyance, Meredith rephrases, "Come on, Hudson. I don't literally mean I hate you. You're pretty okay as a person. What I meant to say was, I hate having you as a team mate."

As the bumpkins approach the the tree where the left Kirk, the stop for a moment, seeing the once sleekly dressed young man rocking back and forth in his net, wearing a complete wolfskin outfit, complete with headdress.

"What happened here?" Jimmy stares in disbelief, as Kirk continues rocking, occasionally twitching.

"Just leave me alone!" Kirk shouts, covering his ears with his wolf-mitten clad hands.

"Seriously," Jeremy says from the sidelines, "That dude's been through some stuff. Let him be."

Erica and Broderick, the only two remaining members of the Rapscallions, sit tensely behind a tree. Erica peeks over the corner of the tree, and watches as Jimmy, Buford, and Otis head in the opposite direction. Sighing with relief, Erica turns to her teammate, "I think they're leaving."

"I should hope so," Broderick files his nails, "It would be kind of a drag to all get caught at once."

"For once, I agree with you," Erica smiles, "So...you and Paxton. You two are friends, aren't you?"

Laughing, Broderick drops his file, "Uh, ch'yeah! Paxton's my homie for life."

"Well, before you two buy furniture together, could you answer something for me?" Erica blushes, as Broderick looks her in the eye.

"Yes, he's single," Broderick turns away, uninterested. Erica quickly looks away, blushing intensely. She attempts to cover the inferno of red with her hands and hair, but her attempt falls flat.

"I wasn't going to ask that," the belle snips, "I just wanted to make sure he was okay. Rumor has it that Paxton's pretty sick," the honey-blonde twiddles her thumbs, calmly, "You're his best friend here, I figured you would know how bad it is."

"He's fine," Broderick smirks at the southern rose, who refuses to return his look, "Just turns out he's a tad lactose intolerant. Why the concern? He is on the other team, I figured you'd be happy to know that they're down a player."

"Oh, I am happy about that. Don't you doubt that for a second," Erica moves further away, lowering her eyes, "I'm just worried about a fellow human being. Not that you would understand that feeling."

Broderick gives a low, amused scoff, "Oh, yes. Sympathy and empathy are for those with souls." Erica smiles, and also gives a soft, amused laugh. Broderick smiles to himself, "You know, Erica...you and I, we're the two best players on our team. We'd be quite a force, the two of us." Erica ignores the tanned tool, but Broderick continues on, "Especially with Paxton as an ally, once we hit the merge."

Erica pricks up her ears, and turns around, quickly, "You and him, you plan to team up at the merge?"

"Well, duh," Broderick sneers, "You're smart. You should have figured that by now."

"I'll consider it," Erica nods, quickly, and shakes the smirking Broderick's hand. Broderick eases himself down low, and lays down, arms folded behind his head. The smirk, unique to the young man and only describable as Broderickish, never leaves his face. Erica herself smiles, warmly, confidently.

Wheeler scooches closer to Barbara, and smiles. The plus-sized girl smiles uncomfortable, and edges herself away. Wheeler's smile falters for a moment, before snapping, completely, "Why don't you like me, Barbara?"

"Wheeler? I do like you," Barbara looks insulted, as well as confused, as Wheeler springs himself on her.

"No," Wheeler persists, "Why don't you like me more than a friend?"

"Excuse me, friends," Sawyer whispers, "Could you keep it down, just a touch? I fear we shall be hogtied and carried off to oblivion."

Tossing his usual friendly self to the wind, Wheeler lashes against the boy, "Shut up, Sawyer. Just stay out of this, man. No one is talking to you."

"Oh, dear," Sawyer retreats back from the roundish rocker, "Hoist on my own petard."

"Please, Barbara," Wheeler ignores Sawyer's odd figure of speech, and returns focus to his unrequited beloved, "Just tell me what is so bad about me."

"Wheeler, do we ha-h-h-have to d-do this now?" Barbara, legitimately frightened by Wheeler's aggressive stance, backs away from him.

"Both of you, shut up, or I'll shut your mouths for you," Judd growls, and gazes arrows of fire at the two.

"Now, Judd," Sawyer interjects himself between the three, "While I agree that they must quiet themselves, violence is not the way to do it."

"Back away, mate, or I'll give you a gap between every tooth," Judd shoves Sawyer away, roughly, surprising most of the team. Judd looks around at the staring souls, and sneers at each one, sans Katherine.

"Hey!" Cooper strikes out, grabbing Judd's wrist. Folding the punk's arm behind his back, and shoving the thug to the ground, Cooper rests his full weight on his back, "Don't you lay another hand on anyone. I will personally make it so you can't." Judd struggles against the hardened gangsta, growling and thrashing like a caged animal.

"Leave him alone, Cooper!" Katherine pleads with the scarred boy, "He didn't mean anything by it, he just wants us to win the challenge! Please, let him go!"

Annoyed with the lack of response, Wheeler's tone harshens considerable, "Answer me, Barbara! I deserve an answer!"

Barbara stands up straight, angered and red in the face, "You want to know why? You want to know why I don't like you, Wheeler?!" Barbara stomps towards the now silent Wheeler, "I don't like you because you're boring. You're the most uninteresting, wet blanket guy on this island. Including Dirk! You're a nice guy, and I love having you as a friend. But, that's all you will ever be to me! Understand?"

"Fellows, ladies," Sawyer, in the middle of the bevy of squabbles, attempts to play peacemaker, "We're going to get caught! Please, let us settle these transgressions after the-" Before the well-dressed lad can finish his plea, a large net consumes him. Jimmy and Buford, surrounding the teens, proceed to bag-n'-tag each and every one.

Awaiting the return of his clan, Dirk rests easy in a fold out chair, reading a magazine. Dirk chuckles to himself, "Oh, Hollywood. What will you do next?" Looking up from his reading material, Dirk spots his kin approaching, "Whoa, dude...," staring in disbelief, Dirk watches in amazement as Buford hauls ten nets full of teens singlehandedly. Jimmy takes the great burden of carrying the net gun.

"Well, well," Dirk nods his head, still amazed by his little brother's strength, "Erica and Broderick have yet to get captured...so, I guess, The Rapscallions win, this week," Dirk turns around to a tree decorated with nets containing the captured Rapscallions, "Congrats, peeps." Most of the Rapscallions cheer, while Kirk, still clad in his wolf attire, cries softly to himself. Buford sets the Sissy Chicken Babies down in front of Dirk, "You guys had a good run, winning seventy-five percent of the challenges so far. But, all reigns come to an end. I'll see you all at the elimination ceremony."

The Sissy Chicken Babies, silent and broken, sit around the campfire, waiting for Dirk's arrival. Little eye contact is made; every available pair of eyes searches in a new direction for some distraction from the awkward chill of anger and blame. Only Sawyer appears concerned with the team's well being.

"Please, fellows," Sawyer, almost as if trying to continue his short-lived plea from the challenge, stands up and walks to the campfire in front of everyone, "We've got to stay strong. We can't let rifts erupt, like this! Look at what we were," Sawyer frantically glances around the collection of teens, "We were strong, and a formidable team! We've only lost one challenge until today! Look at us now, we're broken...," Sawyer sighs, realizing that no one is listening, "I hope at least some of you were taking me seriously. If we don't pull together again, we're not going to last."

"Beautiful, bro," Dirk pats Sawyer on the shoulder, "But, I need you to cop a squat. It's eliminatin' time!"

"As you wish, sir," Sawyer droops his defeated head, and plops down on his tree stump seat.

"Good to see someone giving me a little respect," Dirk grins. Randomly, a tomato hits him in the face. Glowering, Dirk wipes the vegetable from his face, and picks up his tray of stawberries, "Yeah, yeah, I saw that coming. Whatever, all I ever am is nice to you people," Dirk picks out a handful of strawberries, and tosses them, "H'okay, here we go. Robin, Paxton, Christy...Lori, for some reason."

"Thanks, Rufus," Lori catches her stawberries, smiling momentarily as she takes another chance to annoy her former tormentor.

Sneering at his former prey, Dirk takes another bunch of strawberries from the tray, "Okay, those who already have their strawberries received zero votes this time. However, everyone still here got at least one vote. And let me tell ya, this was a close, close vote. Cooper, and Katherine are safe. As are Judd and Sawyer."

Realizing they are the bottom two, Wheeler and Barbara slowly turn to each other, from across the group. Exchanging brief glances, their looks of disgust soften, slightly.

"The final strawberry goes to Wheeler," Dirk announces, "I'd throw it to you, but, you don't look like you're in the mood to catch. Barbara, it's time to walk down the jungle path, if you will." Standing, Barbara looks at her former team, including Wheeler. She waits for a second, and leaves only when no one bids her farewell.

Also noticing the lack of sorrow, Sawyer takes it upon himself to give Barbara a final farewell, "Take it easy, Barbara," Sawyer hugs the silent stuttered, "I'm sorry things fell into place this way." Barbara does not smile, and leaves, silently. Giving yet another sigh, Sawyer turns to his team, and frowns.

"I'll leave you kids to your thoughts. I can tell a lot is going on. I'll just go review the footage, so I can get caught up on everything. Awe, crap...I just realized I forgot to do the recap for the last episode..." Dirk, awkwardly, makes his escape.

With Dirk gone, the rest of the teens splinter off to their respective tree homes, all silent, all sour. Sawyer remains behind, alone, sitting by the embers of the night's campfire.

The camera fades out.


End file.
